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reaction formation

Mariposa

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Sep 8, 2002
Messages
24,739
Location
California Republic
on the twentieth floor
of a brazen bank building
in a cold, gray city
a girl sits at a desk
and reads the incoming correspondence
half of which is misdirected
because of the incompetence of the delivery methods and the deliverers
the other half is all bad news
but her work is based on the adversarial system
and she knew that when she first walked through these formidable oak doors

she thrived on fighting
because it was the only way
her voice would be heard
over the sadness, selfishness and neglect
of everyone else
If she didn't fight for herself
she couldn't fend for herself
she would be forgotten

it's no wonder she fits in so well here.

a life lived in reaction to pain
an education engineered to understand the source of the pain
that she interrupted
because she wasn't really learning anything
so she uprooted her life
and went to practice the same maladaptive patterns
on the opposite coast

and when faced with love
the kind of love that breaks down all the illusions that never truly hid anything after all
that opens a tabula rasa
that quickly fills with radiant, translucent colors
pure, raw, visceral
gentle, nurturing, reunifying

she cracks.

can she choose to go back
to that sacred space he helped her find?
can she put her iron will and fierce determination
to a better use
by seeking to create
rather than destroy?
 
mariposa420 said:

she thrived on fighting
because it was the only way
her voice would be heard
over the sadness, selfishness and neglect
of everyone else
If she didn't fight for herself
she couldn't fend for herself
she would be forgotten


i loved this stanza, especially the last three lines.
 
Thanks to all of you.

This was written at work, is autobiographical and I am a writer of prose 98% of the time so a poem from me is a true rarity.

Thanks for receiving my effort at poetry so well. I wrote this the day after an important realization, when I was stuck quite literally in the hot seat taking a look at my life. I was inspired and surprised at how easy it was to write and speak my truth in this way.

I really appreciate your comments. Much love.
 
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