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  • MDMA Moderators: Esperighanto

Reaching out to my BL friends

FBC,

I am not sure whether or not you smoke cannabis but i would say definitely consider a high CBD strain, CBD could be your golden ticket mate, and mine...

CBD x Haze is 5% cbd 5% THC, and
Harlequin is high CBD too

i think UK cheese has around 1-1.5% CBD, especially seeing as the buggers around here chop too early, don't let the full THC potential develop lol.

Then there is the likes of lemon skunk, just 0.030% CBD.

It has anti-psychotic and neuroprotective properties. it also has anti anxiety , antiinflammatory and anti cancer properties.




when you take many drugs, one day theres a chance you will wake up 'altered' and might not ever come back down, moreso with higher doses of course. but everyone is different
 
FBC: have you tried with Yoga and breathing exercises? helps to control anxiety in a way no med can.
you said you are going to the gym, but are you doing aerobic or anaerobic exercises? that could be a key factor for your heart you know?

As some one said it easy to over-diagnose yourself it happens to me all the time, and the psychological aspect is very important, as you said you had become psychotic, that means you over think about your health issues, that could lead to real issues, it's like placebo but in the other way..

thank you for all of your posts
MAY THE FORCE OF BLUE LIGHT BE WITH YOU!
Keep us updated!
 
As some one said it easy to over-diagnose yourself it happens to me all the time, and the psychological aspect is very important, as you said you had become psychotic, that means you over think about your health issues, that could lead to real issues, it's like placebo but in the other way..

i couldn't have said it better. i do the same :).



tbh it sounds like just anxiety to me (still i realize that i'm not qualified to judge with communication in an internet forum being the only source of information), but it's a good thing you went to the specialist and by all means do the mri scan, it's always better to be safe than sorry. one of the great advantages of having anxiety or being a hypochondriac is that if you ever get a serious health problem, you'll notice it and go to get help earlier than anyone else ;)
 
FBC...something that could help here..something related with bruxism or sleep problems? Its dopamine related im sure...that is being my major problem now.
 
FBC - I'm sorry to hear you are going through such a hard time. You helped me a lot when I was In a bad place.

Stay positive, your mind is more resilient than you think. Acnedotally, while initially I thought my problems were due to physical damage to my brain, as I reflect I think the root of my problems was anxiety.

I had very physical symptoms but the cause was anxiety. When I stopped chasing potential causes of my physical symptoms (ms, cancer, etc) and focused on dealing with the anxiety - I noticed I started to get better. I never had direct symptoms of anxiety either - just weird physical symptoms.

I am not saying that you do not have neurovascular issues. Try a dual approach with your psychotherapist - treat what you think the problems re while listening to their advice and follow through on thier mindfulness activities (even if you don't think they understand).

I went through the same thing with my doctors, I felt that they had no idea what I was experiencing. I finally started to listen to my shrink and when I put the effort in with CBT, I really started to improve.

Stay positive. I'm pulling for you.
 
hey fbc,

get that mri asap, so you will know if you actually had TIAs.

Did your vision fade, did your speech come out mumbled ?

though i consider myself almost recovered, i too sometimes get a loud ringing noise and i feel a little dazed if the ringing starts, it fades away after a few seconds.

i really hope you misdiagnosed yourself this time.

keep your head up, bluelight is with you !
 
i have read everyword u say in your text now...you was the optimistic words here, for everybody, even in your worst times.
So anxiety pass away, and now you new issue is TIAs and strokes? how you feel while you are having one of this.
Could we read the article about the guys who have a stroke post recovery?
I even remember u said people recovery takes sometimes 4 years...btw i must say we cannot diagnose ourselves, even my im chemistry student in 5 year studying pharmacology related drugs xDD ( lucky man eh?) i cannot say what is wrong inside my chemistre and neurons.
 
Hey guys, thanks for all the support.
I'm awaiting a call from the neurologist to schedule my first appointment.

My anxiety levels are definitely in check today.

To those who question my use of MDMA as the cause, let me be clear...
MDMA is indeed neurotoxic, even for those who use a great deal of it and report few negative effects.
Plenty of research has shown detectable deficits in function among 'heavy' users, so the posters claiming no harm are simply not detecting the changes within themselves.
Self-report studies clearly show that around 100 pills + most users report some problems.

Also, there seems to be a delayed effect.
Current heavy users often fail to report the cognitive problems that can be found among 1 year abstinent users.
It appears that the re-sprouting of cortical axons is associated with loss of function, and this takes time.
Heavy cannabis use has been associated with greater psychopathology among MDMA users, and my prior use was indeed heavy (10 years).

Finally, I admit that my story is indeed rare.
Even heavy MDMA users (with years of cannabis use) that go on to report problems later typically do NOT claim severe depression, anxiety, HPPD, Dp/Dr, brain zaps, sexual dysfunction, and psychosis.
So there is a clear division between my case of a definitive neurotoxic event, and the long-term gradual neurotoxicity that is happening to most users.

That is why it is called a 'Syndrome'.
It is a special occurrence that can be caused by a number of factors, but the greatest risk factors appear to be overlapping medications or drugs.
MDMA is a powerful serotonin releasing agent, so it is the prime suspect and it makes any additional serotonergic activity risky.
For me there was a heavy dose of DPH involved.
There was also a heavy dose of probiotics taken a day prior to the MDMA.

And the MDMA pills I took were NOT reasonable doses, regardless of anyones subjective experience here.
240MG tested at a lab.
I took two on the previous saturday, two on the morning of Halloween, and a half the next afternoon.
Two days later came the DPH.

Looking back I strongly suspect the probiotics were a very important risk factor, causing a sudden increase in intestinal motility and serotonin activity that my brain was NOT ready to handle. This is what lead to Serotonin Syndrome.

SS shares MANY features with the 'roll' experience itself.
It is amazing the similarity between the two.
Its like SS is the evil twin of rolling.
Think Superman III, or Captain Pollution.

Just showing that I still have a sense of humor.
The bottom line here is that re-dosing on such heavy pills should have been understood by me to be a MAJOR risk factor.
All of the other risk factors could have been in place, and the SS would not have happened if only I had stuck to ONE pill every three months.
And that is something I firmly believe.

Over the two years I have spent on BL, my inbox seems to confirm that there is a persistent minority of people that awake from MDMA altered, afraid, and in desperate need of help. They find me because of my posts. I would never claim that we are the trend, but to me there is CLEAR evidence that MDMA is not being respected by young users and those with overlapping risk factors or genetic vulnerabilities are suffering a great deal as a result.

And the first job of BL is to prevent this.
This forum's primary function is HARM REDUCTION.

So belittling the risk of taking MDMA, referring to heavy patterns of use as evidence of safety, and dismissing the weight of scientific data to the contrary...
All of this goes against the primary mission of Bluelight.

We can both glorify the experience and admit neurotoxicity at the same time.
We can preach caution.
And to those who are certain that it could never happen to them, my question is simple...
How long has it been since your last roll?

Until you have been completely abstinent for over a year, I do not believe you can truly understand whether or not you are changed.

Moving on.
I do not diagnose myself hardly at all anymore.
My departure from BL was intentionally done for this reason.
I chose to move on with my life.
And for the most part it worked.

When I have these sudden bouts of tinnitus and vertigo, and even difficulty speaking for several minutes....I deal with it.
I wait until it passes and then I promptly get back to work.
I do not get online anymore, and I don't call doctors or go to the ER.

This last week was different.
The pressure at the base of my brain was severe and life-threatening.
I could feel my ability to think and feel was shutting down, and I was very very afraid.
Now I am finally going to get an MRI.
And if it shows that I have never had a single TIA, I will ACCEPT this answer.

Great!
I have no problem admitting this incorrect self-diagnosis.
And I will not fret over what has actually been happening instead.
I have become a soldier over these last two years, hardly anything ever phases me.
I am made of iron, you could say.
I just wish I were as sharp as I once was....

Thanks for listening again.
I will let you guys know what happens.
If I make it through the next few days/week I think I will be OK.
I'm on aspirin and tomorrow I will be going back to the gym. Cardio for sure.

FBC
 
^ lab tested pills, and he took A LOT of them in a very short period with DPH a few days later also. his case may be an extreme and rare one, but the fact it it CAN happen to anyone, given the right circumstances. i was carelss on my first use of MDMA and am glad that i came out of that relativly unchanged. when youre dosing 150mg then redosing 100mg every hour/hour and a half for a whole night.... *shudder* wont do that again.

thanks again FBC for all this info, and for putting it in pretty simple terms to where we(at least i) can understand it easier, and maybe even help ourselves, fellow BL members, or even our close family or friends
 
I used to redose if I could but now even before this report I decided that is no no for rest of my life even before I reed this,now after seeing this it even further seated me in my destiny as no redoser of a MDMA rolling person
 
8)

to me it sounds like this guy has had a bad reaction to MDMA. he claims all these symptoms from 20 pills..

he never said he rolled every month dude.

i have high dosed mdma once a month for years with minimum negative effects and i know im not the only one.

my father is allergic to penicillin, do you think he goes around telling everyone how bad it is because he himself is allergic to it. penicillin for most people is perfectly safe. grow up sunshine.

I think you are very good at ignoring negative symptoms, which is a good thing. But your time will come soon enough , and you'll be wondering why you didn't listen to me : )
You'll wake up one day, feeling like the earth around you is not natural. You'll feel like an alien, even in your own skin. And you'll be wondering why you can't feel happy anymore, while i sit on my chair. Smiling away, serotonin neurons communicating all nicely like they should be.
 
Hi finished I replied on your email since bluelight has a limited amount of messages you can send.
 
http://www.ecstasydata.org/view.php?id=2060#

These were my last batch, the ones I had that got me where I am.
The testing wasn't done until after the fact, but sure enough you can see they are pure MDMA.
The first line of defense is always to suggest that adulterants are responsible....
Why can't we all just accept that MDMA is neurotoxic and roll from there?

245mg x 2 tabs in one night = 490mg
By most of BL standards this is WAY too much.
Many do it and live to roll again, but it is well known that anything over 250mg in a night is just overkill.
The proper dose according to Shulgin is 150mg, followed by up to another 75mg before the comedown begins.

Of course I took 490mg, two weekends in a row!
And then 120mg the next day!
With lots of probiotics in my intestines.
Followed by 100mg of benedryl....

Do you see how Serotonin Syndrome is truly possible?

Another way to look at this is by body weight.
Since I weighed about 75kg, the math is simple.
Each pill put me at 3.26mg/kg.
For the night I took 6.5mg/kg !!!

Actual required effective dose for new users?
1.5mg/kg

Typical neurotoxic dose used in rodent models?
10 - 20mg/kg x 4 doses (high metabolism requires very high doses)

Minimum neurotoxic dose known in primate studies?
5mg/kg x 2 doses repeated for four days.

Suspected neurotoxic dose in humans?
Lower than that found in primates.

Most researchers that are brazen enough to administer MDMA to current human users, a controversial group among scientists, will NOT go beyond 250mg for the majority of subjects.
I recall one study that allowed a few experienced users to approach 400mg.

It is pretty much agreed upon by the experts that anything approaching 5mg/kg is likely to be neurotoxic in humans.
Should such a dose be repeated the next day, there is little doubt remaining. Even by the 'controversial' researchers.

This is the big problem with MDMA, its main toxic effect happens when serotonin is depleted by the first dose.

Since tryprophan hydrolase is permanently disabled by MDMA, no new serotonin is being created to replenish the massive wave leaving the SERT.
Next the local-antioxidant supply is used up.
Metabolites of dopamine spill over into the serotonin transporter and destroy receptor sites.
Membranes open up and release mitochondria, which is a highly alkaline substance.
Finally lipid peroxidation occurs - which is a nice way of the saying the fat that makes up your brain turns into hydrogen peroxide!

This is the primary theory of MDMA toxicity.
And a KEY component of this process is the depletion of serotonin by the first dose.
Any subsequent doses are in the position to cause much greater damage than the first.
And for some reason dosing on consecutive days seems to be WORSE than re-dosing on the same night (within reason).

Now how quickly a person gets depleted by the first dose may be highly variable.
Men have more serotonin than women, and research confirms that females are more likely to suffer the cognitive decline seen among heavy users.
But beyond this, there is a natural variation genetically.
Certain people may indeed have more reserves, but how can this be tested?

Cannabis increases serotonin temporarily, which is why it brings a fading roll back big time.
But long-term cannabis use may actually DROP serotonin levels.
Which would explain why heavy smokers are more often seen in the psychiatric studies follow a year or two of MDMA.
Cannabis is not just a 'confounding factor', many authors have labeled it a primary co-factor.

Tryptophan Hydrolase takes 1-3 months to be restored following a single dose of MDMA.
This is the reason that spacing rolls is so critical.
If you don't wait until it has been replenished, then you are in a partially depleted state when you roll again!

Again, there is variation among the population.
Diet and exercise surely speed the process, but some people on BL seem to think that they can simply break the laws of biology.
By rolling multiple times in a month you are ignoring these simple truths.
Data cannot just be over-written by subjective experience.

And besides, what if some small form of neurotoxicity (including lipid peroxidation) must happen during EVERY roll?
What if the experience itself depends on some small neurotoxic changes in the Prefrontal Cortex?
The significance of this may not be monumental, but each user should consider the possibility that this is how things are.
Block the neurotoxic dopamine influx into depleted cortical SERTs and the experience itself is blocked.
Or is it?

Whatever the case, dosage and spacing are VERY important.
Regardless of what some people on BL seem to get away with.
Serotonin Syndrome is thankfully rare, but the data is pretty clear - repeat users go on to show modest cognitive deficits that do not resolve within 2.5 years of abstinence.
As always, longer tests are needed.

I'm a bit surprised I wanted to write at all tonight, so I must be feeling better already.
I hope this was an enjoyable and informative read for someone.

FBC
 
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^ You know 245 mg means total contents right. Like binders and stuff to, it doesn't mean 245mg of MDMA :p
Maybe i'm tripping but i am pretty sure. That's why most pills on that site have insanely high mg content.
 
As I have said you are the minority.

MDMA helps loads of people. It helped pull me out of a bad addiction, although I fell back into old habits.

I hate how so many people focus on the negatives. Sure MDMA is neurotoxic. But it could be for the better, or the worse. If anything I think responsible use of MDMA has helped increase my intellectual prowess.

Sorry for your problems bub, I hope everything works out.

MDMA didn't do this to you. You did this to you.
 
Thanks for all the info!! will be even nice to get a conference from you, not even like a mdma victim, even like a curious scientist i want to become some day.. :)
MDMA is a medicament and have to be respected has anothers ones like antidepressants or benzodiazepines. 500mg aspirin could kill anybody.
 
Maybe i'm tripping but i am pretty sure. That's why most pills on that site have insanely high mg content.

This is true 245mG refers to the pills overall weight so includes active content, fillers binders etc. The only information you get from ecstasydata in terms of dose is the ratio. In the case of this is pill it has a ratio of 1 so minus inert content such as filler and binder it is a pure MDMA pill thats all you can tell from this info the actual dose is still a guessing game.

Based on the overall quality of USA sourced pills circu 2010 I would estimate the dose to me more in the 60-120mG range something like that but that is only an educated guess.

This is a DEA restriction placed on ecstasydata that is supposed to prevent dealers using ecstasydata for dosing information.

Kind of stupid really as all it really does is make the user suffer by confusing information.
 

I'm going to have to stop you there. I've taken those exact same pills.. actually, they were the first pills I've ever taken!! They were AMAZING pills, great quality MDMA. I got really lucky to have them for my first.... they were NOT 245mg though, lmao. That's like 4-5 times the average milligram content of any American pill from recent years.



No, by all user reports those pills were 60-80mg, max. I took one my first roll and was pretty damn gone for a while, but it was still nothing compared to later experiences! So yeah, that kind of throws a kink in all of the rest of that.... I'd have to say man, I think it's a rather large stretch to link your current symptoms to MDMA use that happened 2 years ago. Correlation is not causality, right?
 
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