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reaching out. please read

F

fvded

Greenlighter
Joined
Apr 25, 2013
Messages
2
Let me start by telling you my story. I'm 21F, and this is extremely hard for me to talk about. I've realized that MDMA side effects have actually started effecting me and my everyday life. I'm posting on here because i feel like my friends don't understand where i'm coming from. But they have helped me A LOT. I've been browsing this site and i'm actually shocked how people are concerned about their "one time use". It made me realize how bad i have been to my body. Last summer was full of partying. Going out 2-3 or even 4 times a week. Last summer was definitely one huge bender for me using M at LEAST once a week. Honestly, some weeks 2-3 times. I thought i was "smart" about it, i still worked full time. I thought it was going to be just a summer thing, it wasn't. This whole winter i used M at least once a week. I can honestly not look back and think of a time i went 3 weeks without. I have never been into blow, when my friends would do lines of coke, I would do lines of M. Looking back actually disgusts me. The last month has been hard on me. I took myself to the emergency because i was having chest pains and couldn't catch my breath. The tested me for absolutely everything and told me i have major anxiety problems. Me over thinking and getting stressed out is what triggers them. My doctor prescribed me to ativan to take when needed. I went back a few weeks later and she put me on " CELEXA", (which i haven't started taking yet) I did a lot of researching and realized that my serotonin is what this medication is for. Then i started to realize what i have done to myself. I haven't told this to many people, I'm embarrassed. and i honestly don't know if i need serious help OR if i can overcome this. I want to stop using. I need to take care of myself before this summer starts. I know for me, not doing M means not going out at all. I have always been an insecure person and i'm not kidding every time i was high people would stop to compliment my looks. I feel I was relying on it. I would always prefer getting high over drinking. I just want to know that there are other people trying to overcome this. My depression and anxiety have really started to take over. I know from here on out, it will get better. I'm not doing this to my body anymore. I'd love to talk. :\
 
I haven't gone through a long comedown myself, but there are plenty of people on this forum who have and who have great advice on how to get through it. The general idea is that with time you can get back to normal, though it could take months or a year. During that time it seems best to avoid all drugs as much as possible, while at the same time eating healthy and getting regular exercise. Just hang in there, and eventually you'll be back to your old self.

Good luck!
 
hey fvded welcome to bluelight :)

i have been in a similar situation as you and i have made a total recovery as have many others here on bluelight.

imo stay well away from ssri's. a benzo like diazepam might be beneficial short term for the anxiety but realistically you dont want to be attempting to get healthy by taking more pills/powders/potions.

i think you might find this thread helpful.

stay positive and look after yourself. remember time heals.

<3 laugh
 
It sounds like you want to stop using M until you can get your life back on track... but M has brought you so much pleasure in the past.

I'm not going to sugar coat it, this is a tough time right now for you. You're at a crossroads and it sound like you are taking the smart path. But it's not easy. I was a light user and suffered immense panic attacks, and had non stop anxiety. Through hard work and determination, my symptoms have lessened a lot.

It sounds like in your case, the first step is getting over the hurdle of anxiety. Look at my recent posts about this. It takes time, hard work and staying healthy. Secondly, you need to identify the things in life that make you happy. Things that are not drugs. Put in the work, and you will be able to go out, socialize and still feel confident. M didn't make you look any prettier because M can't do that. You always look that way.
 
Clocktower said:
I haven't gone through a long comedown myself, but there are plenty of people on this forum who have and who have great advice on how to get through it. The general idea is that with time you can get back to normal, though it could take months or a year. During that time it seems best to avoid all drugs as much as possible, while at the same time eating healthy and getting regular exercise. Just hang in there, and eventually you'll be back to your old self.

Good luck!
Click to expand...
^ This.

I used to be an every weekend user too and eventually crashed. Everything was fine & dandy until I depleted my serotonin and broke out in tears for no reason. Ever since then I've suffered from depression, anxiety, and panic attacks. It's going to take time and will power. I've tried a couple SSRI's but all they did was make me sick. The only thing that helped was exercise, eating healthy non-processed foods, and remaining positive. Will it be easy? Probably not. Will you get better? Absolutely.

Please feel free to ask me questions.
 
Exercise hard, like running, boxing, and anything that will make you sweat your ass off. three to four times a week that is regularity!
This is the KEY to depression, nothing will bother you after a boxing training or a 40 min run! that is for sure

Eat healthy, eat all the veges and fruits available, they are the best way to regain the vitamins and minerals that your body needs.

Forget about M mate, at least for 3 months, try to smoke indica ganja with high CBC grade, this will help you with anxiety and sleeping issues

You will be better that is a fact! but it takes TIME and EFFORT on your side, so how much are you willing to sacrifice in order to be normal again?

it's your choose

cheers
 
buffalosoldier said:
Exercise hard, like running, boxing, and anything that will make you sweat your ass off. three to four times a week that is regularity!
This is the KEY to depression, nothing will bother you after a boxing training or a 40 min run! that is for sure

Eat healthy, eat all the veges and fruits available, they are the best way to regain the vitamins and minerals that your body needs.

Forget about M mate, at least for 3 months, try to smoke indica ganja with high CBC grade, this will help you with anxiety and sleeping issues

You will be better that is a fact! but it takes TIME and EFFORT on your side, so how much are you willing to sacrifice in order to be normal again?

it's your choose

cheers
Click to expand...

So true. While I never abused MDMA in ways some people here on BL have, on my 'down days' after rolling I find that even the simplest of gym sessions can already make such a difference.
 
Septonn said:
So true. While I never abused MDMA in ways some people here on BL have, on my 'down days' after rolling I find that even the simplest of gym sessions can already make such a difference.
Click to expand...

This is true! I am one of the current sufferers from mdma abuse :) It does get better hun just avoid any substances that will exacerbate your symptoms and exercise that's right! Exercise is the one that really helped me go through this, lots of sleep and positive thinking and will power.
 
hey Fvded,

I am in a very similar boat to you right now. I took MDMA every week for about 3-4 months and it all ended when I consumed close to 2 grams in a borderline unconscious state, which is probably enough to get 15 people rolling for a night... having all that on me was probably not my smartest move, knowing my tendency to do stupid shit when I'm under the influence of something...

Just know that there are people out there who have done much more than you who do go on to make full recovery. Yes, there are some who get screwed on just a few small doses, but they are undoubtedly in the minority. Individual physiological make up and cut product are 2 possible factors that may have contributed. Had you been one of these people, the warning signs would have appeared MUCH sooner. The MDMA long term comedown really is unmistakable - once it sets in, MD will probably be the last thing on your mind.

Try to get some exercise in (both cardiovascular and some form of weight lifting would be ideal) as often as possible to speed up recovery. Eat a healthy diet high in tryptophan and think about investing in some basic supplements such as a multivitamin and omega 3 (take A LOT of omega 3 every day - I believe this has sped up my recovery so far.)

Anyway, it's been 4 months for me since my MD binges, and I've probably recovered 70%. Not the same old me, but I hope that I will one day get there with healthy living and a bit of persistence. These things can take a while - be patient. Good luck!
 
I used to roll alot. Anti-depressants tend to aggravate me. I take klonopin which is a benzo and it is prescribed. It works wonders for my anxiety and honestly I think X caused alot of my anxiety problems, but I already had some, so I would say it exacerbated things. Quitting X is rather simple IMO. Its not like reliquishing junk. You may miss it, but for me I was done and it was time to move on. Im not sure how long it was till I felt better but it was rather uneventful compared to other habits. Best of luck to you.
 
Hi, i dont think that Celexa will help you.

I personally think that SSRI will only make mdma damage worse and also probably wipe your memory a bit, (or a lot maybe)
Maybe have a complete change over lifestyle and drug intake and start to exercise (if you dont already) and get out more, try and eat healthier really try and look after yourself, have a bit of you time fuck everyone else.


break out some Vitamins drink some green tea every now and then (L-theanine)
also eat sour cherries, blueberries and drink blueberry juice. (neuroprotective antioxidants)
 
You'll be fine..

I took a lot more a lot more frequently and was messed up for quite a while.. but honestly.. It get's better.. Just give yourself time and stay off the drugs.

Exercise, healthy diet and regular sleep do wonders for anxiety / depression.. Really they do.
 
Hey OP I just joined to give you some feedback.
I took E back in the 90s for about 3 years, very heavy weekend use and the odd cheeky pill on weekdays too.
it took 3 years for me to wonder why my life had become so difficult with monstrous depression and anxiety during the week and only bad times on E, it took about a year and a half for this to manifest.
Please remember the E has not caused any damage to your brain, what you are feeling is anxiety which it sounds you are predisposed to anyway, the E has triggered this, major stress could have caused the same thing.

I was prescribed Celexa a few years back after having constant anxiety and irritability the difference was like night and day. I now take Ciprilex (Escitalopram) which is a modified version of Celexa (Citalopram).
If you like me enjoyed E to the point of overdoing it it may be that your serotonin levels are somewhat impaired naturally.
Ciprilex has been a life changer for me, it does not cause memory problems, weight gain or apathy if anything I am more focused and totally confident.
Our brain chemistries are all different and all the E has done has highlighted your particular 'weakness' please don't worry everything will be ok. I am 46 btw and my daughter is 22 so felt like I needed to give you a bit of a 'Dad' moment there.
:)
 
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