Foreigner
Bluelighter
I live a pretty quiet life these days, with not a lot of media. I have a daily practice where I meditate or pray. I don't pray to deities, I just pray... who knows if anyone or anything is listening. I also read a lot of books that are sacred to me, to keep holy meanings alive in my life. I try to live as pure an existence as I can, showing others loving kindness, and mostly avoiding drama. This also means that I avoid what I consider to be the distractive, mundane world.
Tonight I took a chance and went to see a movie with a couple of friends (the final movie of the Hunger Games). Because we got to the theatre way too early, we ended up walking around the mall. I found it incredibly overwhelming... so many lights, sounds, images, and people in their various temperaments. (I don't find Christmas season particularly uplifting. It seems like everyone is stressed out, frustrated, or even hateful.) I wasn't even high, and I felt like I was reaching my threshold.
The movie itself... I've been looking forward to it for about a year now, having read the book series a long time ago. But what I found was that the movie was way, way too intense. Seeing people dying (even if pretend), the blood, the violence and the depictions of horrendous human acts... and not to mention the immensity of the sound system, and the huge screen... for the first time in my life, I walked out of a threatre feeling totally shaken. It was almost traumatic! It took me a few hours to shake it off. My friends were happily talking about the movie, and I just found it hard to get grounded. I was surprised that it impacted me so much, given that I can easily look at a movie screen and know that what I'm watching isn't real. To me this is all samsara so a movie is just par for the course, but still... the whole experience seemed to pollute my body, mind, and emotions with extraneous input that was harmful.
I'm questioning if this is "healthy"? I don't particularly have a problem with being re-sensitized to violence and I wish more people were, but something as simple as going to a movie shouldn't fuck me up this much. I've even gone to movies high out of my mind before, and now I can't imagine how I ever did that... with my consciousness wide open. Am I just being wussy? Has anyone else ever gone through something like this?
I'm more sensitive to the world in general these days, but this seems pretty extreme. I'm concerned that my ability to participate in the every day world is being compromised. Maybe it's a good thing? I dunno. One of my goals in life right now is purification, including purification of the 5 senses. Maybe I made a huge error going from a purity lifestyle to that whole mall scene too fast. Talk about flash immersion!
I'd like to hear if anyone else has had this kind of experience or something like it, and how they deal with it. If you've been re-sensitized, then do you just avoid things permanently now? How do you live life? I don't really want to become a recluse but man... society is crazy.
Thanks for reading!
Tonight I took a chance and went to see a movie with a couple of friends (the final movie of the Hunger Games). Because we got to the theatre way too early, we ended up walking around the mall. I found it incredibly overwhelming... so many lights, sounds, images, and people in their various temperaments. (I don't find Christmas season particularly uplifting. It seems like everyone is stressed out, frustrated, or even hateful.) I wasn't even high, and I felt like I was reaching my threshold.
The movie itself... I've been looking forward to it for about a year now, having read the book series a long time ago. But what I found was that the movie was way, way too intense. Seeing people dying (even if pretend), the blood, the violence and the depictions of horrendous human acts... and not to mention the immensity of the sound system, and the huge screen... for the first time in my life, I walked out of a threatre feeling totally shaken. It was almost traumatic! It took me a few hours to shake it off. My friends were happily talking about the movie, and I just found it hard to get grounded. I was surprised that it impacted me so much, given that I can easily look at a movie screen and know that what I'm watching isn't real. To me this is all samsara so a movie is just par for the course, but still... the whole experience seemed to pollute my body, mind, and emotions with extraneous input that was harmful.
I'm questioning if this is "healthy"? I don't particularly have a problem with being re-sensitized to violence and I wish more people were, but something as simple as going to a movie shouldn't fuck me up this much. I've even gone to movies high out of my mind before, and now I can't imagine how I ever did that... with my consciousness wide open. Am I just being wussy? Has anyone else ever gone through something like this?
I'm more sensitive to the world in general these days, but this seems pretty extreme. I'm concerned that my ability to participate in the every day world is being compromised. Maybe it's a good thing? I dunno. One of my goals in life right now is purification, including purification of the 5 senses. Maybe I made a huge error going from a purity lifestyle to that whole mall scene too fast. Talk about flash immersion!
I'd like to hear if anyone else has had this kind of experience or something like it, and how they deal with it. If you've been re-sensitized, then do you just avoid things permanently now? How do you live life? I don't really want to become a recluse but man... society is crazy.
Thanks for reading!
