I've been the one since last year, when you decided to end what was our semi-open-relationship, to always initiate contact, and initiate meeting up, and thus keeping our friendship (whatever friendship was left) alive. In the past 6 months or so I have always been the one to suggest meeting up, suggest hanging out, suggest going to events, suggest spending time together, pushing, asking when you're free, when he's busy, pushing and chasing.
Lately its gotten to a point where it hurts me to think of asking you if you're free and want to do something, expecting to be shot down because you're busy with your boyfriend. Every time I text you to see if you're busy, every time I chat to you to see what you're up to, every time I suggest that we should hang out, do something, I put myself out on the line, prepared to be hurt, I wait here, waiting to be shot down, denied over the fact that I'm no longer your priority. And every time that you reply with that you're busy with him, I am reminded again about what I've lost with you and how things have changed.
I can't always wait here for you, wait for you to be free and constantly push even just to keep our platonic friendship alive. I can't always be the one to initiate contact even as friends, to organise to catch up, to still be a part of each others lives. There has to be something from your end, or else its just me disrespecting myself again and again over someone who doesn't care about me or our friendship.
It confuses me at times when you agree to seeing me and spending time with me (sometimes inappropriate amounts of time with me) as to whether you wanted us to be friends or not. On one hand you never initiate anything - which says to me you didn't want to be friends. And on the other hand when you do agree to seeing me when I chase - it makes me think that you do want to be friends. I think its time that if you really do want to still be in each others lives, it has to be equal.
Despite my romantic feelings for you, I still greatly value our platonic friendship. I have many 'friends' who I don't share half of what I still share with you despite what has happened in the past. Perhaps you feel the same. It can't be one sided though, and as much as I value our platonic friendship, because its so one sided, I lose a little self respect every time I put myself out there with you.
There has got to be limits, and I can't always be the one chasing, pushing, putting myself out there all the time, wearing my already shattered heart on my sleeve.
If you don't want this to work, if you don't want to be part of my life anymore and if you don't want me to be part of yours, then continue doing what you've been doing, and keep on never getting in touch, and keep on not seeing me. Perhaps have the decency to let me know as well, so I'm not left dangling on your hook.
Like I am sure you know, I care deeply about you and will never forget the bond we once shared and the friendship we once had.
I'm not sure where to go from here, I'll always be friendly if I see you, and I'm sure we'll always still be able to get along and have fun if by chance we happen to meet through mutual friends etc.
If you decide you want to be friends again, and you're willing to make the effort from your side of things as well, as well as face the reality behind making the effort to contact me, and what that means to you, and your relationship as well, then please get in touch with me, I'm never far and we can always work something out. Until then I think I need to gather up the scattered pieces of my broken heart and self respect and slowly put them back together again. How can you ever respect me if I don't respect myself?
Lately its gotten to a point where it hurts me to think of asking you if you're free and want to do something, expecting to be shot down because you're busy with your boyfriend. Every time I text you to see if you're busy, every time I chat to you to see what you're up to, every time I suggest that we should hang out, do something, I put myself out on the line, prepared to be hurt, I wait here, waiting to be shot down, denied over the fact that I'm no longer your priority. And every time that you reply with that you're busy with him, I am reminded again about what I've lost with you and how things have changed.
I can't always wait here for you, wait for you to be free and constantly push even just to keep our platonic friendship alive. I can't always be the one to initiate contact even as friends, to organise to catch up, to still be a part of each others lives. There has to be something from your end, or else its just me disrespecting myself again and again over someone who doesn't care about me or our friendship.
It confuses me at times when you agree to seeing me and spending time with me (sometimes inappropriate amounts of time with me) as to whether you wanted us to be friends or not. On one hand you never initiate anything - which says to me you didn't want to be friends. And on the other hand when you do agree to seeing me when I chase - it makes me think that you do want to be friends. I think its time that if you really do want to still be in each others lives, it has to be equal.
Despite my romantic feelings for you, I still greatly value our platonic friendship. I have many 'friends' who I don't share half of what I still share with you despite what has happened in the past. Perhaps you feel the same. It can't be one sided though, and as much as I value our platonic friendship, because its so one sided, I lose a little self respect every time I put myself out there with you.
There has got to be limits, and I can't always be the one chasing, pushing, putting myself out there all the time, wearing my already shattered heart on my sleeve.
If you don't want this to work, if you don't want to be part of my life anymore and if you don't want me to be part of yours, then continue doing what you've been doing, and keep on never getting in touch, and keep on not seeing me. Perhaps have the decency to let me know as well, so I'm not left dangling on your hook.
Like I am sure you know, I care deeply about you and will never forget the bond we once shared and the friendship we once had.
I'm not sure where to go from here, I'll always be friendly if I see you, and I'm sure we'll always still be able to get along and have fun if by chance we happen to meet through mutual friends etc.
If you decide you want to be friends again, and you're willing to make the effort from your side of things as well, as well as face the reality behind making the effort to contact me, and what that means to you, and your relationship as well, then please get in touch with me, I'm never far and we can always work something out. Until then I think I need to gather up the scattered pieces of my broken heart and self respect and slowly put them back together again. How can you ever respect me if I don't respect myself?