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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Raped while on xanax..

S

somegirl24

Greenlighter
Joined
Jan 7, 2015
Messages
3
A lot of people have been telling me it was my fault that I got raped since i willingly took some bars but I don't agree.. I was ok with having sex with this guy I've been hooking up with, but that doesn't mean i was ok with 2 of his friends taking turns after him. I would've never had sex with those guys If I was in my right mind. I don't remember much because I was blackout but I feel like its not fair for people to tell me it was completely my fault.. Makes me feel even more shitty
 
It is most certainly not your fault that three guys gang raped you. There are two separate issues that you will have to deal with and the first is the rape itself. Are you getting any kind of counseling for it? There are usually free counseling services available in most communities for victims of rape. Sometimes being in a group situation with other women can be helpful because they may be further along in the process of dealing with all the emotions that will come up over time and it can be good to have a heads up. The ramifications of an experience like this go on for a long time. They are much worse when buried so I strongly urge you to take care of yourself by getting all the psychological help you can get.

As far as taking the benzos or any other drug like alcohol that causes you to black out I will say this: You are responsible for keeping yourself as safe as possible. This does not in any way make you responsible for the heinous actions of others but it does mean that you have to accept responsibility for your own safety. To me this is the same advice I would give to a guy that gets blackout drunk or high--he also is responsible for keeping himself safe from doing something he may never have done were he not under the influence. It is worth asking yourself what getting this high gives you? If you want to do it, you will have to consider safety measures like having someone with you that is not high or doing it only with the one person you are ok with hooking up with. Taking safety precautions for yourself is separate from blaming yourself for others actions. I hope you can fight against the blame and still be introspective about how and when you want to be so high that you cannot control a situation that is harmful to you.

Here is a national hotline for the U.S. : https://www.rainn.org/get-help/national-sexual-assault-hotline

If you are in another country let me know and I will see if I can help with resources. Bottom line right ow is that you need to get support. I am so sorry that this happened to you. I am an older woman that still bears the scars of sexual assault--what made it worse was trying to bury the experiences for years.<3
 
I'm so sorry that happened. <3 It's not in any way whatsoever your fault that some shitty guys decided to rape you, regardless of the circumstances. It makes me sick to think that people would be trying to put the blame on you. Please don't internalize that and believe it's your fault in any way. It's their fault, and they're shitty people who did a terrible thing.
 
Just because you were out of it on Xanax does not give anybody the right to rape you. Same if a woman is drunk,that doesn't act as a greenlight to be raped.
These men were very wrong in what they did to you and if they are trying to blame you for what happened then all they are trying to do is pass on their guilt to you.
I hope you seek some help to deal with what has happened to you.
 
somegirl24 said:
A lot of people have been telling me it was my fault that I got raped since i willingly took some bars but I don't agree.. I was ok with having sex with this guy I've been hooking up with, but that doesn't mean i was ok with 2 of his friends taking turns after him. I would've never had sex with those guys If I was in my right mind. I don't remember much because I was blackout but I feel like its not fair for people to tell me it was completely my fault.. Makes me feel even more shitty
Click to expand...
most people are morons.
especially regarding rape and sexual assault. Never listen to "a lot of people" on anything that is important to you.

I don't want to comment on your specific situation because I don't know enough about your specific situation or the law to make a good contribution.
I don't like to vomit opinions for the sake of it.

Get legal help and tell the truth and listen to what they advise you, and consider it.
 
I also think that you should go to the police. What these guys did was a crime and they need to be held accountable for this. I agree with hebavor too about looking into getting counseling. It's not your fault that it happened. Be careful not to let this incident make you want to use more drugs. That's an easy trap to fall into. Surround yourself with positive people. Do you have a support system, like family and friends?
 
I'm going to counseling now which is helping. What really sucked was telling my parents about it (I'm 20 & living with then currently) and them just getting pissed that I was on drugs. They didn't feel bad for me took away my car, and told me not to press charges because i was under the influence. it happened a few months ago and I'm doing a lot better.
 
Really sorry that your parents reacted with such ignorance. It's amazing what the stigma around drugs does. I'm so happy that you are going to get some counseling. Perhaps one thing the counselor could do would be to facilitate one session with your parents where they could hear (with the counselor's support) how much you need for them not to punish you for being a victim of rape. As I said earlier, this is an experience that tends to play out in very tricky ways for years. It would be so helpful to you to have your parents understanding and support.
 
somegirl24, I hope you're doing okay. I understand if you're not. This is a serious issue.

I'm glad that the counseling is helpful. I wish your parents would care more. This is not the kind of thing to disregard. They ought to be on your side.
 
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