I used to live in the future thinking of all the crazy things I wanted to do all the lines I would blow the smoke I would inhale the partys I was gonna go to. Well I did it I went all the way as far as I could I got everything I wanted. Now all I have are memorys of people places and things I cherish these memorys I just dont see how life will ever be as good as it was. I realize it was the people that made it great I had some wonderful friends I called them my brothers now we dont speak. What happened? Four years is a long time alot of things have happened if I could go back I would have enjoyed those times more damn if I only knew then what I do now.
People tell me im better now they tell me how great im doing how much better I look. I smile and thank them politely thinking what a load of shit that is if they only knew how I felt. I gave up so much for heroin that I wonder if I can really stand not to go back it feels like im cheating myself out of the life I made. If I cant be happy then why shouldnt I be miserable with a needle in my arm? I know I romanticize heroin but it did give my life a purpose I always had something I had to do there was excitment and that feeling of walking on the edge anyday could of been my last everytime I pressed down the plunger I wondered is this it will I be set free?
There was this short time in my life when I was 18 when I had self confidence I remember it like a dream the anxiety I had felt all my life slipped away I was free. I had a big group of friends and we where close very close we partyed every weekend smoked everyday and I was happy. I guess I just crave acceptance but I cant seem to figure out how to get it. I keep hoping one day im gonna wake up and be confident like be able to look a girl in the face and speak whats on my mind be able to have normal human interactions that I crave. Maybe one day
People tell me im better now they tell me how great im doing how much better I look. I smile and thank them politely thinking what a load of shit that is if they only knew how I felt. I gave up so much for heroin that I wonder if I can really stand not to go back it feels like im cheating myself out of the life I made. If I cant be happy then why shouldnt I be miserable with a needle in my arm? I know I romanticize heroin but it did give my life a purpose I always had something I had to do there was excitment and that feeling of walking on the edge anyday could of been my last everytime I pressed down the plunger I wondered is this it will I be set free?
There was this short time in my life when I was 18 when I had self confidence I remember it like a dream the anxiety I had felt all my life slipped away I was free. I had a big group of friends and we where close very close we partyed every weekend smoked everyday and I was happy. I guess I just crave acceptance but I cant seem to figure out how to get it. I keep hoping one day im gonna wake up and be confident like be able to look a girl in the face and speak whats on my mind be able to have normal human interactions that I crave. Maybe one day
