i'm really sick. i've been pushing it off for a while because i've been broke/spending all my money on beer. i smoked way too many bongs last night. my throat burns. i'm an idiot. the doctor is going to punch me in the face when she sees how bad i let myself get. eh. i got an appt in two weeks. hopefully it doesn't get any worse.
i'm addicted to getting fucked up in general. it's strange. i tried not drinking for a week and that didn't work out. i lasted a day. and i ate half a morphine pill that day. that's the thing, i alway spread my stash out like a little meiser. i take the lowest amount possible so it lasts me forever. i'm back at the point that i feel like i NEED things to be social again. and that sucks. i dabble in the benzos once in a while but not too much because i have that fear of going through withdrawal again in the back of my mind. cool, thanks withdrawal. at least you did something besides fucking suck. my new interest this past week has been vicodin. i just love pills. it blows. i think because it does ALMOST the same thing as drinking in the social aspect but i don't get sloppy. anxiety is a whore. i just took some cold meds and i felt them doing their thing in my stomach and i LIKED that feeling. most people probably don't even notice that feeling. well, at least i realize it's a bad thing.
i broke up with my boyfriend like 2 weeks ago. he wants to meet up tonight and 'talk' ...all i can think is FIND THAT KPIN NOW. i don't want a relationship, i don't need to be bringing him down with me. he says we can help each other because he's the same way i am, almost. but i'm thinking we should get our shit together for ourselves first. i have a feeling he's gonna move back to philly after i tell him this. that would suck, he's my best friend.
people come, people go. gotta keep remembering that. man, i'm bumming myself out. i only have 2 bucks and some change. that sucks. maybe that's why i'm here writing this blog instead of on a mission. eh.
i'm addicted to getting fucked up in general. it's strange. i tried not drinking for a week and that didn't work out. i lasted a day. and i ate half a morphine pill that day. that's the thing, i alway spread my stash out like a little meiser. i take the lowest amount possible so it lasts me forever. i'm back at the point that i feel like i NEED things to be social again. and that sucks. i dabble in the benzos once in a while but not too much because i have that fear of going through withdrawal again in the back of my mind. cool, thanks withdrawal. at least you did something besides fucking suck. my new interest this past week has been vicodin. i just love pills. it blows. i think because it does ALMOST the same thing as drinking in the social aspect but i don't get sloppy. anxiety is a whore. i just took some cold meds and i felt them doing their thing in my stomach and i LIKED that feeling. most people probably don't even notice that feeling. well, at least i realize it's a bad thing.
i broke up with my boyfriend like 2 weeks ago. he wants to meet up tonight and 'talk' ...all i can think is FIND THAT KPIN NOW. i don't want a relationship, i don't need to be bringing him down with me. he says we can help each other because he's the same way i am, almost. but i'm thinking we should get our shit together for ourselves first. i have a feeling he's gonna move back to philly after i tell him this. that would suck, he's my best friend.
people come, people go. gotta keep remembering that. man, i'm bumming myself out. i only have 2 bucks and some change. that sucks. maybe that's why i'm here writing this blog instead of on a mission. eh.