Ms PeachyBreeks
Bluelighter
I cannot see my neighborhood from this window. The white mist of clouds are obscuring my vision - and the rain clatters down relentlessly. This is what we call a scottish summer.
I've been sick these past few days - physically, mentally, heartsick as well. I don't like that feeling of helplessness that I have when I'm ill. Being ill, to me, is like being wrapped in a coocoon of pain and silence.
During these days, I've often felt myself about to break down and pass out. What has stopped me is the vivid flashes of memory that pass before my eyes making me scream out to him to stop it and just leave me alone.
He's been on my mind now for quite some time and I don't know why. He comes along uninvited, sitting on my shoulder whispering all the promises he could never keep and it makes me cry.
I sit at night and try to push him away from my thoughts but it's just not working.
The more I push him away, the more he tries to get into my head, my dreams, my thoughts and my heart.
He used to make me smile, make me laugh, make me cry. It was almost as if he made me feel human again after being stuck in a dark depression.
It's always days that are not so warm that I think of him. We were together at the end of autumn going into winter... the coldness always reminds me of him, whether it's a whisper from an air vent or the blowing winds of a scottish moor. It ripples across my skin and makes my hair stand on end.
As I look out this window, I see the mists are starting to clear somewhat. It's still raining and dull but the leafs on the trees, the grass, it's all so green and full of life. Maybe when this sadness lifts, and my tears stop falling, the clouds will lift and it will stop raining. If it does then I know, that like the rain nourishes the earth, my tears are nourishing my soul and making me a stronger person.
I've been sick these past few days - physically, mentally, heartsick as well. I don't like that feeling of helplessness that I have when I'm ill. Being ill, to me, is like being wrapped in a coocoon of pain and silence.
During these days, I've often felt myself about to break down and pass out. What has stopped me is the vivid flashes of memory that pass before my eyes making me scream out to him to stop it and just leave me alone.
He's been on my mind now for quite some time and I don't know why. He comes along uninvited, sitting on my shoulder whispering all the promises he could never keep and it makes me cry.
I sit at night and try to push him away from my thoughts but it's just not working.
The more I push him away, the more he tries to get into my head, my dreams, my thoughts and my heart.
He used to make me smile, make me laugh, make me cry. It was almost as if he made me feel human again after being stuck in a dark depression.
It's always days that are not so warm that I think of him. We were together at the end of autumn going into winter... the coldness always reminds me of him, whether it's a whisper from an air vent or the blowing winds of a scottish moor. It ripples across my skin and makes my hair stand on end.
As I look out this window, I see the mists are starting to clear somewhat. It's still raining and dull but the leafs on the trees, the grass, it's all so green and full of life. Maybe when this sadness lifts, and my tears stop falling, the clouds will lift and it will stop raining. If it does then I know, that like the rain nourishes the earth, my tears are nourishing my soul and making me a stronger person.
