well its been one week and a day since i last smoked....
i didnt choose to stop smoking, i was basically forced to. i found a good job where my grandparents live, about 2.5 hours away from home. i havent smoked since ive been up here, and i have noticed im enjoying things a little more without weed. Ive been working alot though (8-13 hrs/day), and its a fairly physical job, so im completely exhausted when i get home from work. I can actually fall asleep with the TV on, something i have NEVER been able to do. The first couple nights i could not sleep AT ALL; i ended up laying in bed for 6+ hours rolling around.
im eating alot more now, but because of my physical job i havent put on any weight. I did notice i wasnt eating as much when i was smoking alot (1/8th every 3 days or so, good dank), and i lost about 20 pounds my first semester of college, but that could also be partially from cigarettes too). I wasnt fat by any means, 6', 170 lbs, i dropped to about 150, now im about 155.
My parents recently found out about my smoking habits, when i told them i had to take a drug test for a job close to where i live....they asked if it was a problem, i said "maybe", and it took off from there. they werent really pissed, just dissapointed. we had alot of long talks, she basically just expressed concern because i come from a family with addictive personalities. my whole family drinks heavily, my sister dropped out of vandy b/c of it, and my grandmother is straight up addicted to oxycodone (which btw, i have total access too, which worries me, b/c the weed + oxy combo is very nice

)
I really want to smoke again sooooo bad, especially because i havent smoked in over a week, and it would be sooooooo good after the break. also, now that i have a steady job i could easily afford it, but since its actually MY money now i dont really want to blow it on drugs. i know i could get away with smoking at work too, since its at a golf course :D
i just cant decide if i want to start again. im much more energetic now, which i like, and im overall not quite as "bored" as i was when i was smoking. i basically drove myself crazy sitting in my fucking dorm all day my 2nd semester of college. unfortunately, i could get away with smoking all i wanted in my dorm room, and my friends took advantage of that, coming to my room to smoke all the time. so, when they smoked, i couldnt just watch them :/ and when they bring over a 2 foot ROOR and fat sacks of headies, i just couldnt turn it down.
im not really sure how much it affected my motivation. i got decent grades my first semester at college, made deans list. my grades were worse 2nd semester, mainly due to a D in health (ironic, eh) but not anything too bad. i could easily sleep till 3-4 pm if i smoked alot the day before, i really felt no reason to get out of bed.
ive never really noticed the anxiety much since i havent been smoking.i never really got paranoid or anything when i was high, possibly because i did it so much, i remember i used to get it more when i first started. the only time it happened recently was when i drove home after smoking ALOT after not smoking for a week, and i didnt really know where i was going. i got really worried, start sweating profusely, and basically panicked. i had to pull over, call my friend, and gather my thoughts. im not really sure where im going with this, but this is the first day i havent worked since i got up here, so the boredom is already setting in. which reminds me, one of the main reasons i smoke is to calm my mind more than my body, my mind tends to race, especially when im in bed trying to sleep. im fairly intelligent, i took an IQ test a while back (legit) and got ~145, so i guess you could say theres alot goin on up there. it actually bothers me, beings so "scatterbrained." weed really helped slow things down in my mind. heh, im actually listening to scatterbrain by radiohead right now.
i recently stopped smoking cigarettes too, but this has been easier to say no to than pot. i mean, the cravings are much worse, but its not enjoyable like weed is, so im hoping i dont start again when i return to school. i do enjoy smoking after weed tho, especially a nice hookah, which several of my friends have.
all i can really think about when i get home from work is how a bowl would be incredible right now, to help sooth my leg muscles. but now that its been so long (i know its only a week but it feels like FOREVER) since i havent smoked, im considering quitting or at least making it a once in a while kinda thing. i just dont see the "once in a while" thing happening, because if i buy the weed, and i have it, im going to smoke it.
god damnit, all i need is a fkn girl.