beckeryyy00
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Aug 19, 2018
- Messages
- 7
Hello, I?m an addict. Right now my troubles are mainly focused on meth and heroin. I have managed to quit other amphetamines, spice, weed, LSD, cocaine, alcohol, and pain killers. But that was only because i found what i guess you can say is my true calling.
I?m someone who will do the most with these drugs. I smoke it, eat it, snort it, shoot it, and put it up the butt. And because i do the most with my addiction it has caused my to fatally overdose on meth twice and heroin once. I have had many scares yet continue to do it. Why? because i?m an addict..
Let me give you a little background information on me. This might shock you but i?m only 18 years old. But the toll my addiction had taken on my life has made it seem like i?ve been at it for 20+ years. I started my most basic substance (alcohol) at the age of 12. Since then it?s been using of some sort of drug, till i?m either put in the hospital, including mental hospitals, put in juvy, or in rehab. Or i decided to quit and go into 12 step meetings. But that last less than four months.
I lived in a group home for about a year and half. They were the best thing that happened to me. And my addiction caused me to screw them and myself over. I recently just got out of rehab a little over a month ago. Was able to go back to my group home. Yet relapsed a week in. Because of that i caused so much tension between me and the woman i loved the most (the group home owner). And a week later decided to move out and move in with a former group home kid who is now a heroin addict and hooker. And another kid from the group home who is my best friend lives with us too. He would slang drugs but gave it up.
Since i left the group home I?ve been introduced to heroin. Which lead me to 2 out of the 3 hospital trips i went to in just one week. Shooting up dope is a lot more dangerous than shooting up meth. But of course i didn?t think about that. I never think when it comes to my addiction.
Mentally i?m all screwed up. I hallucinate, irritable at all times, memory problems to the point where it?s scaring me, and i go in a zombie like state sometimes. As for physically, i probably weigh less than 100 pounds now, i can?t pee without having to sit there and concentrate for a good minute, my eyes have this yellowish tint to them and they go blurry and i get exotropia and esotropia at times.
I haven?t done meth since 12pm yesterday. It no longer gets me high, i just use it to avoid withdrawals. It?s only been a three week binge on these drugs and my tolerance has increased greatly or the chemicals in my brain are just not producing anymore. So i know i?m in for a serious crash. I sleep pretty good, but i only eat about once every other day. sometimes throw it up. As for heroin my last shot was about an hour ago. I missed. Which led me to start crying about how much i hate this life.
Today I reached out to some people in the 12 step programs. The woman i want to become my sponsor (when i can finally kick heroin) suggested detox. But i have some other factors that could possibly keep that from happening. As for now she?s taking me to a meeting tonight and i?m going to slowly kick this shit. I came to Bluelight today to see if anyone can help me with resources, personal experiences, advice, and some truthful reality. Because i need all the help i can get.
I?m someone who will do the most with these drugs. I smoke it, eat it, snort it, shoot it, and put it up the butt. And because i do the most with my addiction it has caused my to fatally overdose on meth twice and heroin once. I have had many scares yet continue to do it. Why? because i?m an addict..
Let me give you a little background information on me. This might shock you but i?m only 18 years old. But the toll my addiction had taken on my life has made it seem like i?ve been at it for 20+ years. I started my most basic substance (alcohol) at the age of 12. Since then it?s been using of some sort of drug, till i?m either put in the hospital, including mental hospitals, put in juvy, or in rehab. Or i decided to quit and go into 12 step meetings. But that last less than four months.
I lived in a group home for about a year and half. They were the best thing that happened to me. And my addiction caused me to screw them and myself over. I recently just got out of rehab a little over a month ago. Was able to go back to my group home. Yet relapsed a week in. Because of that i caused so much tension between me and the woman i loved the most (the group home owner). And a week later decided to move out and move in with a former group home kid who is now a heroin addict and hooker. And another kid from the group home who is my best friend lives with us too. He would slang drugs but gave it up.
Since i left the group home I?ve been introduced to heroin. Which lead me to 2 out of the 3 hospital trips i went to in just one week. Shooting up dope is a lot more dangerous than shooting up meth. But of course i didn?t think about that. I never think when it comes to my addiction.
Mentally i?m all screwed up. I hallucinate, irritable at all times, memory problems to the point where it?s scaring me, and i go in a zombie like state sometimes. As for physically, i probably weigh less than 100 pounds now, i can?t pee without having to sit there and concentrate for a good minute, my eyes have this yellowish tint to them and they go blurry and i get exotropia and esotropia at times.
I haven?t done meth since 12pm yesterday. It no longer gets me high, i just use it to avoid withdrawals. It?s only been a three week binge on these drugs and my tolerance has increased greatly or the chemicals in my brain are just not producing anymore. So i know i?m in for a serious crash. I sleep pretty good, but i only eat about once every other day. sometimes throw it up. As for heroin my last shot was about an hour ago. I missed. Which led me to start crying about how much i hate this life.
Today I reached out to some people in the 12 step programs. The woman i want to become my sponsor (when i can finally kick heroin) suggested detox. But i have some other factors that could possibly keep that from happening. As for now she?s taking me to a meeting tonight and i?m going to slowly kick this shit. I came to Bluelight today to see if anyone can help me with resources, personal experiences, advice, and some truthful reality. Because i need all the help i can get.