MountainDew444
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Sep 9, 2020
- Messages
- 9
I am new on here and made a post a few weeks ago about how I was clean from illegal drugs for 2 years just taking suboxone 12mg a day. But I relapsed and used fentanyl for a week (street fentanyl strong shit looks off-white and comes as hard rocks or powder)... Well I got clean again and then a week later when I thought I was good I still used again even though I have a great life and an amazing gf who's never touched a drug and she has a kid who I am now a father to... yet I still relapsed even with all of that.. What is wrong with me? I don't want to use these drugs but its like they have control over me. I do suffer from anxiety, PTSD, and OCD.
If my girlfriend finds out I am using again she is going to leave me and I can't really blame her. I am sick of drugs fucking up the great things I get in life. I am 27 years old and have been struggling with drugs (especially heroin/opiates) since I was 14. I am tired.
So here I am. I still have been taking about 2mg of suboxone each day that I used the fentanyl to keep some in my system so hopefully the withdrawal won't be that bad since I have a low dose of subs in me already. I still can break through 2mg and get a nod. It's been 2 weeks of using 2mg suboxone per day with smoking fentanyl on top of it all through the day and night.
I am always scared right before quitting again and I have nobody around me who knows I even relapsed so I'm all alone on this.
I hope I have the strength tomorrow and follow through because I don't want this to spiral out of control and it's too hard to keep up a fentanyl habit and have a life. Not to mention how terrible being addicted to something feels and affects my confidence.
I have Kratom, Imodium, klonopin, gabapentin.... I feel like these should definitely help right?
I will be posting here (unless there is somewhere else I should post) throughout my withdrawal phase and could use any advice or friendly conversations as possible.
If my girlfriend finds out I am using again she is going to leave me and I can't really blame her. I am sick of drugs fucking up the great things I get in life. I am 27 years old and have been struggling with drugs (especially heroin/opiates) since I was 14. I am tired.
So here I am. I still have been taking about 2mg of suboxone each day that I used the fentanyl to keep some in my system so hopefully the withdrawal won't be that bad since I have a low dose of subs in me already. I still can break through 2mg and get a nod. It's been 2 weeks of using 2mg suboxone per day with smoking fentanyl on top of it all through the day and night.
I am always scared right before quitting again and I have nobody around me who knows I even relapsed so I'm all alone on this.
I hope I have the strength tomorrow and follow through because I don't want this to spiral out of control and it's too hard to keep up a fentanyl habit and have a life. Not to mention how terrible being addicted to something feels and affects my confidence.
I have Kratom, Imodium, klonopin, gabapentin.... I feel like these should definitely help right?
I will be posting here (unless there is somewhere else I should post) throughout my withdrawal phase and could use any advice or friendly conversations as possible.