Quitting all meetings.

[Nocturne83]

I was attending an open discussion recovery group for the past month. I have issues with sleeping if I have to sit still for too long, and as a result, I was nodding off a couple times during meetings. At today's meeting, we were discussing false accusations of relapse. Eventually, I wound up being put on the spot for my past issues with nodding off. I was so angry and humiliated that I simply got up and left the meeting.
I will not be coming back. Perhaps I should forget about NA meetings as well. I can't do meetings. They're boring. When I'm bored, I nod off, no matter how much clean time I have. I nearly fell asleep at my grandmother's funeral service, and I loved my grandmother. But if it's such a problem, then I clearly can't do meetings. I resent the fact that there are people out there who seem to think that meetings are the only way to maintain sobriety. I exercise now. I eat healthier(although I'm currently eating pizza and lava cake for "comfort food" in light of today). I post here. I'm in the process of looking for a good martial arts school, and even tried a free class last night at one of the dojos. I'm reading books again. I'm on a suboxone maintenance program. Is that not enough? I know I'll have to lie to my parents now about going to meetings, because to them, no, it's not enough.
Why should I attend meetings that are so boring that I fall asleep? And of course, since they're drug recovery meetings, I'll always be suspected of using if I'm falling asleep.
I'm done. I've got MY ways of staying clean, and meetings are not one of them.

 

[neversickanymore]

If they aren't doing anything for you then I would try doing what you feel works for you.. maybe consider trading the meetings for exercise and join a gym. If you find that not going to the meetings is having an adverse effect on your recovery you can always go back.

We as addicts can be really susceptible to criticism and judgement so you may want to try and strengthen your morals and values. I hate those words for some reason, but all I mean by morals is how its right for YOU to behave for YOU and by values I mean identify whats of value to YOU.

If your able to do this then what other people think about you and say looses all importance and power. You will no longer care what people think of your behavior or what you know is important to you.

I would have told the other group members to go fly a kite and worry about their own fucking recovery.

 

[Nocturne83]

I would have told the other group members to go fly a kite and worry about their own fucking recovery.

Hard to do that when you're just about to start crying. Hopefully my leaving and not coming back is a good enough message to them, despite the fact that I didn't speak a word.
The place where I work actually has a good gym I can use for free. And yes, the idea is that I'm trading the gym for meetings. However, my mom is so brainwashed by Nar-Anon, that she seems to think meetings are a vital part of recovery, without which, I might as well have a needle in my arm.
I do not appreciate being talked about like I was while I was in the damn room. I won't stand for that. In those kinds of environments, however, you can't defend yourself, or else you're the bad guy.
This should be reason enough to never use again. God forbid I get arrested and FORCED to go to meetings like that. I'd likely commit a violent crime and get sent to prison.
I'd much rather get a good workout. And with that, I'm going to get ready so I can lie to my parents and tell them I'm going to a meeting, when in reality, I'll be going to the gym. If I ever do decide to tell them about what happened today, I'll have to do it with a mediator.

 

[thedawn]

i have ca 5 yrs experience with AA and can tell you
that if you feel lonely,
contact me directly if u feel like it.

AA is for sure not for everyone.

i am your friend and brother you've never met.lol.

just cuz we don't know each other we know each others pain.

pain is universal

pm,whatever,if u feel suicidal and left alone….i can help.

 

[itsALLfake]

I loved meetings when I was out in Arizona..but when I came back home after being there for 3 months..it was different. The majority of people I met seemed just locked into what their sponsor or old timers say/feel..program clones. People just weren't real, and it was really clickly.

When I got back intown, I was doing at least one meeting a day..a lot of days two. I would always be asked by my parents if I went to meetings, step work, sponsor, and so forth... That is just counter productive.. I realized I didn't get the same thing out of any of the meetings I went to in my town pretty quick, but I was going to meetings still to keep my parents off my back. Then, I started to lie about going. I did that for a couple of weeks before I knew that would send me in the opposite direction that I was working so hard for in the past 6months..so I was straight up with them. They tried arguing with me about it, telling me that I need them and so forth, but this is my recovery, not theirs..

If you don't have good meetings in your area, do you at least have clean friends..or people you can sit down with? I don't think meetings are required, but I do think that is a big part of getting a good foundation in recovery. Also, how would you feel about talking to a counselor? I count myself lucky for where I went for transitional treatment, and for having a psychologist that treats me more like a friend and talks to me straight. I've never walked out of talking with him more angry than I went in. It's been over 6 months since I talked to him, but it's a good tool to have in your back pocket if needed. Remember to breathe when something gets to you. If you start to get pissed off, take 10-3second breaths..wu sa and all..

I may not be able to be back on here for a while..but I'll come by and see how things are going when I can.. I hope things go well for you until then and after.

( : smile : )

 

[Oxy_Ghost]

I'm going through detox and my parents are like that even though I'm not to the NA meets part yet. They feel that if I don't go than I'm just gonna relapse again. But I don't feel comfortable in groups. I am going to try them and see where it goes but i feel like I'm not gonna like it. I think if I can get a job to keep me doing something and start actually being a father to my child and a soon to be husband to my fiancé than that'll be enough for me. DSS had a little stop by my house today and we talked about these things and she told me that I wouldn't have to go to a group. She said that I could go a different kind if NA meeting. More of like counselor. Just me and one other person. I'm more comfortable in that situation. But if my GF can go with me to the NA/AA meeting than it would make me feel a lot better about goin just knowing she's there going through it with me cuz she's also in the process of detox right now.

Maybe you should give the one on one ago and see how it plays out. And if it does than great! If not, than go back to what makes you the most comfortable. That's what matters

 

[Angelz87]

I was doing the same thing in detox, i couldent wait to
Lay down, if you rather be sleeping to recover the that should be first, also i didnt feel
Normal enough to speak at an
NA meeting outside detox untill day 50, i was still trying to
Figure this shit out, anyway i you are clean, just clear things up with the group, and remmemver any sort of relapse sets you brain bad any progress its made from paws, post acute withdrawl every addict should know what that is if you dont research right now thank me
Later good luck

 

[Nocturne83]

I do see a counselor, at the same place I used to go to the group. I think she's the best one I've ever had, and I intend to talk about what happened, although I'm sure she already knows. The leader of the group probably told her or sent a memo that I walked out and didn't return. Most likely that'll be the first thing she asks me about when I see her on Tuesday. That's fine, though; like I said, she's a good counselor.
Upon thinking further, quitting ALL meetings is probably a hasty move. Just that particular meeting where they decided to discuss ME is the one that can go kiss my ass.
Since I'm only going to quit that particular group, I feel a little easier telling my mom everything about what happened in the meeting. Maybe tomorrow night after I get home from work and the gym.
Thankfully, I work at a place where even though I make minimum wage and have no vacation/sick time, I get to eat healthy food for lunch and dinner over there, and I have free access to their quality fitness center. Exercise and diet have made a huge difference for me these past six weeks or so. I've even found where I want to train at for Karate. If that works out, and once I finish up one of my credit card debts, I can probably afford to add Brazilian Jiujitsu to the mix.
My parents are actually very supportive of me, but it's still annoying how obsessed they are with meetings.

 

[itsALLfake]

^Yeah, I went to meetings everyday from my 1month mark to around 7months..of course, the first 3 months were while I was in transitional..so I had to go to two meetings a on week days, but towards the end of my stay out there, I ended up going to more meetings. The young people's community was really strong there, and it ended up being a good and fun experience for me.

There are different stages of alanon.. What a true alanon is, is someone that knows they aren't going to do a damn thing about keeping you sober, and they go to the meetings for their own benefit.. the other more common alanon form is obsession over their spouse's/child's recovery. Parents in that second category are typically too focused on the other party to know that they need to work on themselves as well. It is a family "disease," and it more than likely started through the relationships between you and them. Honesty is part of the foundation of a good and solid recovery.

How has the past week been?