repost from another forum im on, this was last nov:
i decided to try quitting a vyvanse + adderall combo a couple of months ago due to some side effects relating to mood swings. i have to note here, *i stopped taking my meds cold turkey after having been on a relatively high dose. therefore, this may sound more extreme than you'd expect* i figured that i would be incapacitated for about a week and decided to take some vacation days off of work to recover to at least the point of drudgery and boredom (no escaping this, sorry).
the first 4 days, i slept straight through, waking only long enough to eat some food watch an hour of TV or so and fall right asleep again. around the 5th day when i was awake long enough to actually process thoughts, i was hit with not only a wave of unusually strong depression, but also tremors and what felt like electrical shocks of anxiety. i remember trying to drive to get a haircut that day, even a routine activity like driving scared me. when i finally went to see my doctor later that week, he seemed indifferent to my withdrawal symptoms and essentially said to detox for another week then we'd do a full re-evaluation (the word detox sounding very accusatory to me).
the next week was a blur of sleep, pizza, ice cream, repeat. of course i was taking all my well researched supplements even though they seemingly did nothing. upon seeing my doctor again, he prescribed me an SSNRI anti-depressant, Pristiq. he kept selling it by claiming it was "stimulating", but when he claimed that nor-epinephrine was the same thing as dopmaine (don't worry!) i started having severe doubts about staying with him. as is typical, anti-depressants take at least 2 but avg 4-6 weeks to build up in your system. honestly, the following couple of weeks were pretty bad but not nearly as much as the first two. some days i was convinced that i could feel the new meds, but its hard to say.
at any rate, i have now been out of work for about 3.5 weeks. i had gone through the few vacation days i had but given the unique nature of my job, i was able to take a medical leave of absence albeit unpaid at this point. i ended up taking a total of 5 weeks due to this unexpected depression that my doctor was convinced had existed all along- i didn't have ADHD (more accurately, didn't "need" stimulants..) but some generalized anxiety and depression. maybe.. but not once has this doctor ever taken my personal / family history. there WAS no re-evaluation, he just seemed on an agenda to put me on anything besides stimulants, regardless of my reports of complete and utter lack of focus, energy, motivation and interest in virtually everything.
* it has now been about a month since i've returned to work. i am absolutely incapable of performing my job on a consistent basis, i frequently question whether my emotions are "real" or some effect from the anti-depressant, which are known to have WORSE withdrawal episodes and many more side effects. my final decision? change doctors, return to stimulants.
why? its not because i'm "giving up" the fight, or because i've doomed myself to require medication... it's because for the half a year i was on adderall and had a good doctor **i felt genuinely alive for the first time in my life** it comes down to personal choice, risk management and seeking an improved quality of life.
don't let the stigma bias you; if the medication allows you to perform at least on level with your peers (is it our fault that sometimes we surpass as well?) and you have a caring, attentive doctor, you should not be afraid to experience what other people have, easier than you.
PM me if you need to talk, fight the good fight
