quit being a victim, quit self loathing (i said to myself)

[sunshinesometimes]

one day i realized that no matter what advice people had to give me, i always had some response...as to why my situation was so much worse that it just wasnt possible for me.

i was always a victim..no matter "how hard I tried" this unfair life, or the people in it, would throw something in my way to make me fail. haha
i can be so pathetic
yeah ive been thru shit..rape..family abuse..my dad whose drinking is slowly killing him and having to watch it everyday

but i need to stop being so depressive. such a fucking downer

i seen a character on tv..and he was exhaustingly depressive. it was almost annoying like i just wanted to tell him dude shut the fuck up get the stick out of your butt and put your big boy panties on

i dont want to be like that. while i do have bi-polar..i just want to quit being so negative. try to change my mindframe and givve myself a real shot at geting clean

fuck

 

[T. Calderone]

I get that way sometimes- by the way I like your moniker: sunshinesometimes. You have to see the glass as half full right! It's something how you can see this in other people like the guy on tv. But while bad things keep happening to you and you wonder why me?

I even had my boss tell me one time "you have the worst luck" and it felt like there was always a black cloud hanging over me. It really does get depressing as I'm bipolar too. I got off drugs but still struggling with alcohol. What's your drug of choice?

 

[neversickanymore]

I think you hit the nail on the head sunshine..

Our life is determined by our perception. Our perceptions are based of our thoughts. We can choose to control our thoughts. In choosing to control our thoughts we then determine how life is. We have little to no control of what life throws at us, but we have total control of how we perceive what comes our way.

When I learned this I was shocked at how miserable I chose to make myself for so long. Lifes way to short to make ourselves miserable .. its a game, a ride.. everybody gets out golden.. If we take it so serious it turns into a serious awful time.. im done making myself miserable

Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking.
Marcus Aurelius

 

[herbavore]

Yeah, I was very attached to seeing myself as a victim when I was young. It is very akin to hypochondria--if you are sick, people will feel sorry for you and this passes as the closest thing to love that you can find. Unfortunately that is not love and eventually you realize that if you do not take charge of your own happiness no one else is stepping up for the job! First you have to see what being a victim gives you because every mal-adaptation we make has a purpose at the time--it did give us something. Finding healthy ways of being that give you not the semblance of what you need but the actual thing that you need (usually acceptance and love) is the biggest life changer you could give yourself.

You have lots of pain in your past and lots of struggles to deal with in the present. Make sure that you are not denying yourself the opportunity to deal with these and heal. I understand completely your desire to not be a victim in your own thinking but you were actually victimized early in life and that level of trauma has a way of asserting itself into your life over and over until some deep healing changes your relationship to it. You are obviously a very strong person and a survivor. I admire that you want to be more than a survivor.

 

[Azure Cloud]

You have some great responses in this thread sunshine. Everyone responding here has overcome great obstacles and the greatest one being ourselves and our perception of the world and events. We all have much more control over our happiness than we give ourselves credit for. Though never formally diagnosed, I know I am bipolar, I have tremendous settings from depression to mania. Good luck!

 

[Maya]

I saw myself as a victim too for years specially when I was bullied back in high school, but hey, we only become victims if we well people treat us like a victim IMO.