questions for my grandmother..

[Raz]

I wonder why you came to me last night?

I wonder why I lay awake and unmoving, with sharp breaths hissing into the air and the strangest cloak of apprehension draped upon me?

I never realised how long it had been and I never realised how close you truly are, until I wanted to run to your arms only to stop for fear you wouldn't recognise me.

How does it mean so much to me to have you whole? How can you be important, when the last time I saw you my arms were free of scars and my mind was just growing its scar tissue? How did you find those nooks and crannies inside me, and weave your way to the surface of my mind? How is your image still so fresh on the inside of my eyelids whenever I seek the darkness of blood sheathed in skin?

I wonder if you're dead, and I'm scared that you may be. I'm scared that you came to tell me to let go, and I'm scared that you knew I was holding on when I never realised it myself. I'm scared to remember you the way we were, I'm scared that there's a whole other family out there I never knew...a whole new tribe of loved ones to wither and die. I love enough people, I don't need any more. So why did you come to test that resolve?

There is that guilt which comes with self-preservation. You have to hurt others to save yourself, and sometimes all you can hope is that they will understand. I don't know if I want you to come for me any more, but I do hope you're happy.

I hope you're happy but I don't want to know.

I really don't want to know..

 

[Dastrix Slogan]

There is that guilt which comes with self-preservation. You have to hurt others to save yourself, and sometimes all you can hope is that they will understand

I know how you feel! Well written Raz, found myself getting sucked into this. Hope the ghosts in your mind quieten down.