trillish10
Bluelighter
Hey guys! so recently ive been tripping a bit on LSD and once over the weekend on mushrooms. Im not sure exactly what is happening really, just it seems that my trips have been having a tendancy to take somewhat negative turns, even when starting and ending very positive.
What happens is, i seem to be getting very self conscious, especially about my mental state (feeling insane, or fear of seeming insane). Also ive been having feelings of death or impending doom of some sort. Now dont get me wrong my trips have allowed me to have a whole lot of new perspective and these scary expiriences i have learned a lot from. Its just that im wondering why it keeps happening? My theory is that ego-death is knocking at my door and im just not letting go. I feel that my ego is too attached to just let my in securities arise and face them. Possibly an insecurity issue. My main goal in using psychedelics is finding the energy that unites us and the universe, as well as losing the selfish part of me and live for not only myself, but the universe and all that inhabits. Anyone have any thoughts? Maybe im just not letting my ego go. Anyone have any ideas on how i can do this? I just want to let go, let it take me but the fear keeps holding me back. Is it ego death or is it just that my mindset is not optimal during my trips? I have always focused on set and setting, while as im sure all of us have, i had been somewhat careless in this regard once or twice. (once leading to a horrifying LSD trip).
For example, i acquired an 1/8 of extremely potent mushrooms this past weekend. Having only done mushrooms once before at the same dose i felt that it was not going to be "too intense". when i bought them my buddy told me that multiple people have had very strong, ego-death expiriences on these mushrooms but i just kind of brushed that off as drug dealer talk haha. so i ate the mushrooms smoked some good weed and then 25 minutes later i was balls to the wall tripping. my vision was ingulfed in psychedelia and my mindset was awesome with a lot of clear, introspection and room for thinking. I was getting the best CEV ive ever gotten including visons of a grided/connected universe as well as being guided through tunnels into this universe, kind of like what i imagine a low dose DMT would be like, as i have never done DMT unfortunately. I was just an observer in these visions. Soon after i began to feel overwelmed as my vision was all psychedlia, insane depth perception, constant morphing, and the feeling of being massive in a small room ( the room i was in is actually quite large, and im very familiar with this place). So this just felt like too much of a good thing. soon i got the insane feeling of feeling like i was nuts, and feeling that i was dying or something, even though i know its very rare to die on mushrooms. I kept telling myselr, "let go" "just let it go, this is ego death, just let it go". but i just couldnt. the fear was to overwelming and i just wanted the trip to end at this point, though im glad it didnt because the end of my trip was pretty nice.
Do you guys think what im expiriencing is a glimpse of ego death? or what? What can i do to take the harsh edge off of my trips and let this process happen much more positively instead of giving me this paranoid, insane feeling? I know ego death sometimes isnt meant to be pretty but something is just missing in this process. im lacking getting to the point of true self analyzation, and havent truely gotten to the point of facing all my inner demons and deep dark coridors of my mind. What is your thoughts? expiriences? theories?
any info and thoughts are appriciated, but please no negative comments, only constructive truths and ideas.
What happens is, i seem to be getting very self conscious, especially about my mental state (feeling insane, or fear of seeming insane). Also ive been having feelings of death or impending doom of some sort. Now dont get me wrong my trips have allowed me to have a whole lot of new perspective and these scary expiriences i have learned a lot from. Its just that im wondering why it keeps happening? My theory is that ego-death is knocking at my door and im just not letting go. I feel that my ego is too attached to just let my in securities arise and face them. Possibly an insecurity issue. My main goal in using psychedelics is finding the energy that unites us and the universe, as well as losing the selfish part of me and live for not only myself, but the universe and all that inhabits. Anyone have any thoughts? Maybe im just not letting my ego go. Anyone have any ideas on how i can do this? I just want to let go, let it take me but the fear keeps holding me back. Is it ego death or is it just that my mindset is not optimal during my trips? I have always focused on set and setting, while as im sure all of us have, i had been somewhat careless in this regard once or twice. (once leading to a horrifying LSD trip).
For example, i acquired an 1/8 of extremely potent mushrooms this past weekend. Having only done mushrooms once before at the same dose i felt that it was not going to be "too intense". when i bought them my buddy told me that multiple people have had very strong, ego-death expiriences on these mushrooms but i just kind of brushed that off as drug dealer talk haha. so i ate the mushrooms smoked some good weed and then 25 minutes later i was balls to the wall tripping. my vision was ingulfed in psychedelia and my mindset was awesome with a lot of clear, introspection and room for thinking. I was getting the best CEV ive ever gotten including visons of a grided/connected universe as well as being guided through tunnels into this universe, kind of like what i imagine a low dose DMT would be like, as i have never done DMT unfortunately. I was just an observer in these visions. Soon after i began to feel overwelmed as my vision was all psychedlia, insane depth perception, constant morphing, and the feeling of being massive in a small room ( the room i was in is actually quite large, and im very familiar with this place). So this just felt like too much of a good thing. soon i got the insane feeling of feeling like i was nuts, and feeling that i was dying or something, even though i know its very rare to die on mushrooms. I kept telling myselr, "let go" "just let it go, this is ego death, just let it go". but i just couldnt. the fear was to overwelming and i just wanted the trip to end at this point, though im glad it didnt because the end of my trip was pretty nice.
Do you guys think what im expiriencing is a glimpse of ego death? or what? What can i do to take the harsh edge off of my trips and let this process happen much more positively instead of giving me this paranoid, insane feeling? I know ego death sometimes isnt meant to be pretty but something is just missing in this process. im lacking getting to the point of true self analyzation, and havent truely gotten to the point of facing all my inner demons and deep dark coridors of my mind. What is your thoughts? expiriences? theories?
any info and thoughts are appriciated, but please no negative comments, only constructive truths and ideas.
