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questions about long term effects of X

pnut3844

pnut3844

Bluelighter
Joined
Aug 31, 2010
Messages
437
ok to start off with i need to tell a little history. i started taking X when in 2004 when i was 18. fell in love and started using heavy, 2-3 times a week. i was young and didnt research what i was doing. pretty much didnt know not to take it like that, i just knew it was the best feeling ever. this went on for 3 1/2 almost 4 years. i would take at least 3 pills every time. i have since slowed down considerably, almost never doing it now (maybe 2 times a year or so). it has been a little over 2 years since i have stopped using heavy, but still the long term effects remain: depression, hard time sleeping, mood swings, depersonalization, etc. the biggest change i notice is, you know how when you were in school you would stare off and daydream? now i do that, but instead of daydreaming i just blank out and think of nothing. and it relaxes me. unfortunately, i met my (now) wife about a year into rolling and she rode the roller coaster with me. we, and our friends can tell we have both changed. i used to be laid back, just smoked weed, and the nicest person ever. now, the smallest thing can set me off, especially with my wife, and visa versa. i do find i have a hard time being happy, and my friends say i always look pissed off when really its just the norm for me now. oddly, with my 15 month old daughter, im always happy. she lights up my life.

with that said here is my question. how do i get back to what i used to be like? will 5htp work if my seratonin receptors are already too damaged? please help, as this condition is putting a strain on my marriage and family relationships. i realize now how bad i messed up, and i always say if i could have one wish it wouldnt be for fame or riches, it would be to never have touched this pill. it is interfering with my job, as i can never go to sleep before 2 am, even if i go to bed at 10:30. i just lay awake, even if im tired. i usually will start to fall asleep then right as i do i snap awake and cant sleep for quite some time. i want to be the best husband and father i can be. i just want to be the person i used to be, and so does my wife. is this possible? oh and if this helps, when i was using hardcore i bought from the same dealer that whole time and i know they were mostly clean good pills, so there is that if that is a positive.
 
All I know about dpdr is that people can take years to decades to get out of it but they do get out of it. I don't know if everyone can get back to normal, some don't really get out of it at all but learn to live with it. It's really hard I know and I feel you, you can try forcing a smile on your face throughout the day but sometimes that just makes you look even weirder.
 
lol yea i dont smile too much. another thing i find hard is like telling my family i love them and such. like at family dinners i feel weird and out of place. i dont have social anxiety or anything. actually thats one of the few positives of X was it helped me become more social. ill have to research 5htp to see if it would work or if it would be a waste of money
 
also, i find that i constantly have to be doing something, especially if im watching tv. ill either be twirling a lighter in my hand, playing with a doo dad, or twisting my wife's hair around my fingers. it relaxes me to do stuff. i play drums so thats actually therapeutic in a way. is there any studies showing long term using of mdma results in nerve damage? it sometimes feels like my nerves are shot. the fact that i have a really high metabolism doesnt help
 
Yea it's hard to tell someone you love them or respond to another persons enthusiasm when you are suffering from dpdr. You have none of those feelings so how are you going to express them?

As for nerve damage, I've read some articles where it said that it does do damage to serotonin containing nerve cells.
 
hi pnut,

im not an E user but i believe it will cause a slightly lower serotonin than normal so it would be easier to get depressed. 5-htp helps to boost serotonin in your brain so this maybe useful.

there is a book called overcoming depersonalization which may help also. Also you have to forgive yourself mistakes you feel you may have made in the past to alleviate most depression.
 
i will check out that book you mentioned thanks. but as for 5htp i know it will help you if you use mdma correctly but what about those like me who have abused it?
 
Lots of people rave about Piracetem more than 5htp for regaining the magic / putting the spark back into your life.

My advice is not to self medicate and pop to the gp's - it could be an underlying problem.
 
Bearlove said:
Lots of people rave about Piracetem more than 5htp for regaining the magic / putting the spark back into your life.

My advice is not to self medicate and pop to the gp's - it could be an underlying problem.
Click to expand...

what is gp's?
 
One thing that I swear gets my seratonin levels spiked is skiing, so hit the mountain if you ski. It's outside, good exercise, and the sense of exhilaration and childlike feelings of joy are, to me, very similar to rolling. It's the one activity that's a sanctuary for me when I'm trying to recoup from a hard binge on e. In fact, I'm counting the seconds to this season's start. If you're not a skier, then try to think of an activity that brings you similar feelings and do it!
 
georgewc2001 said:
One thing that I swear gets my seratonin levels spiked is skiing, so hit the mountain if you ski. It's outside, good exercise, and the sense of exhilaration and childlike feelings of joy are, to me, very similar to rolling. It's the one activity that's a sanctuary for me when I'm trying to recoup from a hard binge on e. In fact, I'm counting the seconds to this season's start. If you're not a skier, then try to think of an activity that brings you similar feelings and do it!
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dont get me wrong i have happy emotions sometimes its just i dont feel happy most of the time. spending time with my daughter, playing video games, jamming with my band, those all make me happy. but just sitting around the house or if im at work, well im not depressed but im just kind of....there. idk how to explain its kind of like im a blank slate as far as my mood. i mean i laugh at funny stuff but my overall tone just feels weird.
 
My girl, who has done E for sometime now, has started to lose all love towards me and her friends, What can i do? Can i get her a medicine or what, cuz i really dont wanna lose her. She is the love of my life.
 
pyrox69 said:
My girl, who has done E for sometime now, has started to lose all love towards me and her friends, What can i do? Can i get her a medicine or what, cuz i really dont wanna lose her. She is the love of my life.
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You should get her off the mdma immediately dude, thats the first and most important step. Medications can work but will only cause more pain in the long run, SSRI or Benzo. If she must use make sure she doesn't do it more than once a month, even that is pushing it.
 
would 5htp work as a temp fix? so me and my group should only roll once a month or so? and whats the best way to roll hard off fewer pills? Thanks bro
 
There's no getting back to how you were before you ever rolled, there's just adapting to how you are now. The best thing to do is take care of yourself. I went through a period of abuse that was pretty bad, I take long breaks and occasionally slip up and roll a few weeks in a row and then go back to not touching it. I ALWAYS feel a little off, like I'm kinda far away and spacey and I mix my words up a lot more than i used to. The only hope I can offer you is that I can still be really happy and productive, whenever I'm staying away from drugs and getting exercise I still feel spacy but I can be normal. There are sleepless nights and anxiety still, but that happens to people who didn't fuck themselves up with x. You may not feel the same for a long time, or ever, but you can for all intents and purposes be the same. A healthy lifestyle is what i recommend, don't take 5htp, your problem is downregulation, artificially boosting your seratonin levels is only gonna make that take longer to get better.

Just look out for yourself and if you do use drugs use drugs that arent nuerotoxic... No uppers or dissociatives. And don't let any drug use get in the way of having a healthy lifestyle, it gets better but it doesnt go away.
 
pnut3844 said:
dont get me wrong i have happy emotions sometimes its just i dont feel happy most of the time.
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firstly, i think being happy all the time is a myth. there's no evolutionary reason to be content. personally i became a happier person when i lost the feeling of being obliged to be happy, because i realised i wasn't missing out.

secondly, i abused mdma in a similar way to you, but for just under 1 year, not 3, so i'm at the lower end up long term abuse which probably makes a difference. that ended 6 years ago, and i was much how you described so took a year long break from all drugs bar weed and alcohol. i've intermittently used mdma since, with some short bursts of heavy use, but over the past 2 years certainly my mood has been very stable and not too low. i've been feeling exceptionally good the past couple of months because i started using mdma again, need to not let history repeat itself....
 
chinup said:
firstly, i think being happy all the time is a myth. there's no evolutionary reason to be content. personally i became a happier person when i lost the feeling of being obliged to be happy, because i realised i wasn't missing out.

secondly, i abused mdma in a similar way to you, but for just under 1 year, not 3, so i'm at the lower end up long term abuse which probably makes a difference. that ended 6 years ago, and i was much how you described so took a year long break from all drugs bar weed and alcohol. i've intermittently used mdma since, with some short bursts of heavy use, but over the past 2 years certainly my mood has been very stable and not too low. i've been feeling exceptionally good the past couple of months because i started using mdma again, need to not let history repeat itself....
Click to expand...

but i remember before i started rolling i used to be a much "happier" person and more laid back. here is one thing i forgot to mention. since i stopped rolling i have substituted other stuff. mostly alcohol, on the weekends, and only 3 or so drinks to get a buzz. but i take loratabs when my wife gets them for her back. not like 5 at a time like 1 a day and not every day. its like i have an addiction to being buzzed no matter what it is.
 
i can totally relate to this too pnut after being a heavy mdma user between the ages of about 18 to 24. this was over ten years ago and i have just about given up any hope of feeling normal again or even ever being happy again.

if there is one thing i could go back in time and not do it would be to not take mdma. its can ruin you good and proper.
 
Good diet, maybe a cleanse/detox, and one major important thing: EXERCISE!!!
Exercise will be your best friend. This is also true for recovering opiate addicts and other drug abuse. It will help get your natural endorphins swimming again, and great for your overall mood.
I would join a gym or get into a program of your own, try yoga too....Stretching and meditating, and getting back to the natural you. I am on the same path from years of various drug abuse, and eating fresh fruits and veggies (I got a juicer) and exercise has saved my ass!!
 
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