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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Questioning your sanity?

Sentience

Sentience

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 15, 2009
Messages
2,203
Have you ever been in a state where even when you are sober you are not 100% sure that you are completely living in reality?

For example, a few times when I have had insomnia, I have remembered things that were said an hour earlier and thought they were JUST said moments ago, then responded.

Weird things can happen on a lack of sleep.

I dont think I have totally lost my mind or anything, but I think I got a dose of thyroid medication that was way too high due to unintended consequences of potentiators. Its almost like I have been tweaking + pain medication.....I have also been more agitated than I should be, and perhaps more abrasive than I am normally.
 
Yeah, too much thyroid hormone, caffeine, weed and low dose opiates for pain isnt really sober either.....but Im not on some crazy drug binge or anything.

Im worried that Ive been a little more combative because of my health.
 
When my thyroid is high im pretty abrasive, have little tolerance for bullshit, and have difficulty sleeping. My pot smoking doesn't really help my compulsive behavior when my levels are high, if anything it brings it out more, price you gotta pay being a daily smoker. Smoking enough to sleep doesn't help much once you wake up you gotta keep smoking lots.
I thought i was gone there for a while and still do every now and then when my levels get high.
I absolutely can't take stimulants! Last time I tried 5 hour energy I was wired for at least 24 hours - never again!
 
some people are stuck in a de-realized state 24/7, yes it is horrible.
 
Between mania, depression, screwed up circadian rhythms with consequent sleep deprivation, drug and alcohol use, etc. ; I assume I'm not in touch with reality most of the time. I watch for lucid intervals as possible windows of opportunity. Even in periods of no drug use I assume I'm significantly off most of the time.
 
I lost some of my marbles once. I took 60 mg of adderall throughout the night, along with 2 mg klonopin. The next day I dropped two tabs of acid, for the first time ever (previously tried it and all i saw was visuals, not this stuff). The dosage was one that makes you lose your ego and question how far are you in the matrix, and paranoia based soley on theories. Picture losing your ego and still being so stubborn/fearful that you'll talk in loops for hours. This combined with deep rooted problems I had blocked out led to a "difficult" trip. I still haven't got my shit together from that.

Ever since that day I questioned my sanity to the point of suicide. But in my book, suicide is weak. 6 months later I find that I'm slightly insane because I have delusions, but I am making progress at narrowing these down to nothing.
 
skinwalker said:
When my thyroid is high im pretty abrasive, have little tolerance for bullshit, and have difficulty sleeping. My pot smoking doesn't really help my compulsive behavior when my levels are high, if anything it brings it out more, price you gotta pay being a daily smoker. Smoking enough to sleep doesn't help much once you wake up you gotta keep smoking lots.
I thought i was gone there for a while and still do every now and then when my levels get high.
I absolutely can't take stimulants! Last time I tried 5 hour energy I was wired for at least 24 hours - never again!
Click to expand...

What do you think would happen if I took only a threshold dose of a stimulant/phenethylamine/Cathione?
 
ironic you bring up the thyroid, when I'm precontest and running T3 I find it irritates the fucking piss out of me much more than any of the stack of AAS and peptides I run.
 
whats sane anyways?

societal standards?...i feel like these standards often burden the individual (us) :)
 
i always start to worry when i feel really sane, that is usually the calm before the storm. stupid illusions
 
The RD Laing thing that some "mental illness" is a sane reaction to an insane world is not without merit imo. I think regarding everyone who has diverged from consensual reality "saner" than those who have not can be very counterproductive.

The ideal is likely the ability to be socially discerning enough to not act out our personal insanities except in an environment where we won't scare other people. Not eating other people's pets or sexually groping their mothers have sometimes aided my ability to fit in within certain milieus. YMMV. ;)

I think thought disorders (feeling others or something is inserting, blocking, or reading your thoughts) is one of the markers that one's mental health has deteriorated badly enough that help is required. Hallucinations as well. No one's mental health is the same day in, day out. People with transitory mental health lapses might have an advantage over people who don't perceive any lapses. We have occasional super powers where as they never have any. There is another reason but I'll save it for another post.
 
Totally, I get deja-vu on deja-vu on deja-vu (loop ad infinitum) all the time, feel like what I was going to say has already been said, I've already said it but I don't remember, everything is like a dreamy dissociative state most of the time. Even if I double-check, I will still see punctuation that isn't there, but sleep + drug abstinence help tremendously.

Sometimes I like this 'constant' trip of life. In fact, the few times I 'saw' what was behind the dream, I regretted it. Some mescaline and weed... behind the dream of life is a tiny grey prison cell, and some things so terrifying that movies and videogames have never come close to recreating it.
 
skinwalker said:
Probably increase your insomnia which in turn leading to the continued loss of your sanity.
Click to expand...

I feel much better now, getting some good sleep. I just needed to avoid certain things that affect the metabolism of medication.
 
Insomnia fucks me up more than almost anything. Insomnia is a lot like a trip, and usually not a good one. When I was doing amphetamine all day every day, without eating, I definitely lost my mind. It must have been for 2 days, maybe close to 3, without food or sleep while on Adderall. Things began to get really weird. My white ceiling looked like it had all these pink spots on it. I saw outlines of dozens of people walking around in my room. In my peripheral vision, objects looked like they were moving rapidly, spinning around. I will never do anything like that again. It wasn't the only time, either. Many times I thought I was going to die, but I was so stupid, I often concluded that another pill would make me feel better.

Sleep deprivation, particularly when induced by substances, is no fucking joke.
 
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