Questioning the concept of caring

[noavoidance]

I refuse to see,
you pretend to understand
Too unhappy to make time count
waiting for that sense of fulfillment.
Something is lacking
I feel so incomplete
Not afraid of all the consequences
no longer terrified by the risks
void of all decisions
too much time to think..
I lose control of my thoughts
my ideas wander around unsupervised
I am my own guest - the worst ever
and can endure myself no longer.
I tap my nails to pass the time
and sleep to avoid memories
phone calls from unmissed friends
force me back to reality..
I laugh at myself sometimes
everyone else seems to be changing
I'm so intricate, it's almost sickening.
but I find comfort in being angry and alone.
I've drifted away from myself
not to mention others
I find fault with everything
I live alone, it seems..
while I wait for the next moment of joy
In the meantime my sadness soothes me
every action holds a flashback, a memory
Holding on is torture, letting go is worse
I amuse myself with petty things to do.
I try to release these feelings
attempting to look foward to my future
It all seems so pointless...

 

[RareForm]

I laugh at myself sometimes
everyone else seems to be changing

amen, or something, yes i know this very well