The following is a recounting of my experiences of a ((hopefully) false) revelation during three different LSD trips.
My first experience with this "revelation" happens during my very first LSD trip. My two friends and I each drop one tab at the park and soon we are tripping. Later during this trip one of my friends mentions something about a police car stopped at a red light near a corner of the park. I see the police car and freak out. I believe the police are after us. I consider running but feel helpless against the seemingly omnipotent police. I remain lying in the park with my friends and await our arrest.
While I wait I have this feeling of deja vu. I have never been arrested but it feels familiar. I "realize" I have been here before several times. I "realize" I am a drug addict who has been released from prison for the umpteenth time. The drugs have ruined my brain and corrupted my reality. My entire life has been a lie I created as a defense mechanism.
The police never arrive and I eventually forget about my "other life". Some other friends of mine meet us at the park and the rest of the trip go smoothly.
My next experience of this kind happens during my sixth LSD trip. I drop three tabs with my friends C, M, and W. My friend C drops three, M drops two, and W only smokes some weed (he has never done acid). W gets the munchies so we decide to head to a nearby liquor store. I become nervous as we approach the store and plan on waiting outside while my friend buys his snacks. We get there and my three friends enter the store. Suddenly, I decide being left outside alone is much worse than going inside with my friends. Big mistake. I enter and immediately feel completely out of place. I nervously walk around the store until I find my friend in line and stand next to him. I am tripping the fuck out.
I'm standing in line and feel like everybody knows. I feel sweat dripping down my face as I clamp my eyes shut. I believe I heard people saying "it's the acid", "he's tripping". I look at the cashier and believe he has a look of disappointment and slight disgust. I believe he said "You're tripping? It's not even funny. It's just embarrassing." I believe my friend W agreed with him, angry at me that I had made a fool of myself in public. I believe the cashier is an undercover DEA agent. Either that or someone involved in the underground drug industry. Whatever he is, I believe he has now sent people after us. My friends and I walk out of the store. A man with a raggedy beard walks closely past me and I believe he looks at me. I take this as a sign that the Feds or Drug Lords are following us. We start walking away from the store and I am terrible confused. I still believe someone is after us but I am not sure. Eventually I decide we are being followed and exclaim "I get it!". My friend W, probably finding my confusion very amusing, looks at me, smiles, and asks "Do you? Do you get it now?". I misinterpret this. I believe he is angry with me. I believe he is blaming me. I interpret this as "Do you get it now? You fucked up your brain on drugs! Now all our lives are ruined!". We arrive at my friend C's car so that my friend W can take a pill of ecstasy. This reinforces the idea that someone is after us. I believe my friend is taking the pill to hide the evidence.
We get to the park and sit at a table. I am still very confused. My friend hands me a paper and asks me if I want to write about it. Again, I misinterpret this as sarcasm. I believe he means something alomg the lines of "You fucked up your brain on drugs! You're a goddamn basketcase! But at least you get to write something 'trippy'." Again, I start to believe my entire life is a lie. I "realize" that I am in some room somewhere in some mental hospital and that everything is my imagination. I believe I am at the park with my friends because they pity me. They are only visiting me in a mental hospital and I'm imagining we are at the park. Eventually I snap out of this train of thought. However, the remainder of this trip involves me acting incredibly bizarre and obscene resulting in my friends holding me down and giving me some xanax.
My final experience of this kind happens during my seventh and final LSD trip. This time I only take one tab along with my friend M. We drop the tab, then about two hours later we meet up with some friends and smoke some weed. Again we go to the same liquor store. I thought I'd be able to handle it on just one tab but the weed completely threw me off the deep end. Again, I was standing in line. Sweating, I shut my eyes. Here come the voices. "Its the acid." "He's fucking tripping." I feel this sensation of urine and excrement filing my jeans, dripping out of my nose and mouth. Utter humiliation. I sense this feeling that my friend M is laughing at me incredulously, laughing at the fact that I can't wrap my stupid head around the idea that my life is a lie. I am in some room somewhere in some mental hospital imagining everything. Or that there is no existence in the first place. I am the only conscious being and everything is fake. I feel that at any moment all the walls in the store and my friend M is going to restrain and humiliate me. I feel he is going to yell at me "you fucked up your brain! Your life is a lie! Why can't you just get it?" in some sort of PSA fashion. This was my subconscious' way of punishing me. We exit the store and I begin telling my friend M I'm having the worse trip of my life. He spends time comforting me and eventually I calm down. Not completely, though. Throughout the trip I feel as if my reality is a lie.
Today is the day after and I am back to normal. However, I am still very afraid. Each of those times it's as if the LSD sobered me. It's as if when I'm not on LSD I'm living in a lie created by my subconscious. Every moment leads me to my destiny of taking LSD so that I sober up and realize I'm a nut somewhere and my life is my imagination.
What do you think? Just bad trips? Mental instability? Am I possibly prone to psychosis or something? Will I ever be able to take acid again? Has anyone experienced anything similar?
Thanks to all input.
My first experience with this "revelation" happens during my very first LSD trip. My two friends and I each drop one tab at the park and soon we are tripping. Later during this trip one of my friends mentions something about a police car stopped at a red light near a corner of the park. I see the police car and freak out. I believe the police are after us. I consider running but feel helpless against the seemingly omnipotent police. I remain lying in the park with my friends and await our arrest.
While I wait I have this feeling of deja vu. I have never been arrested but it feels familiar. I "realize" I have been here before several times. I "realize" I am a drug addict who has been released from prison for the umpteenth time. The drugs have ruined my brain and corrupted my reality. My entire life has been a lie I created as a defense mechanism.
The police never arrive and I eventually forget about my "other life". Some other friends of mine meet us at the park and the rest of the trip go smoothly.
My next experience of this kind happens during my sixth LSD trip. I drop three tabs with my friends C, M, and W. My friend C drops three, M drops two, and W only smokes some weed (he has never done acid). W gets the munchies so we decide to head to a nearby liquor store. I become nervous as we approach the store and plan on waiting outside while my friend buys his snacks. We get there and my three friends enter the store. Suddenly, I decide being left outside alone is much worse than going inside with my friends. Big mistake. I enter and immediately feel completely out of place. I nervously walk around the store until I find my friend in line and stand next to him. I am tripping the fuck out.
I'm standing in line and feel like everybody knows. I feel sweat dripping down my face as I clamp my eyes shut. I believe I heard people saying "it's the acid", "he's tripping". I look at the cashier and believe he has a look of disappointment and slight disgust. I believe he said "You're tripping? It's not even funny. It's just embarrassing." I believe my friend W agreed with him, angry at me that I had made a fool of myself in public. I believe the cashier is an undercover DEA agent. Either that or someone involved in the underground drug industry. Whatever he is, I believe he has now sent people after us. My friends and I walk out of the store. A man with a raggedy beard walks closely past me and I believe he looks at me. I take this as a sign that the Feds or Drug Lords are following us. We start walking away from the store and I am terrible confused. I still believe someone is after us but I am not sure. Eventually I decide we are being followed and exclaim "I get it!". My friend W, probably finding my confusion very amusing, looks at me, smiles, and asks "Do you? Do you get it now?". I misinterpret this. I believe he is angry with me. I believe he is blaming me. I interpret this as "Do you get it now? You fucked up your brain on drugs! Now all our lives are ruined!". We arrive at my friend C's car so that my friend W can take a pill of ecstasy. This reinforces the idea that someone is after us. I believe my friend is taking the pill to hide the evidence.
We get to the park and sit at a table. I am still very confused. My friend hands me a paper and asks me if I want to write about it. Again, I misinterpret this as sarcasm. I believe he means something alomg the lines of "You fucked up your brain on drugs! You're a goddamn basketcase! But at least you get to write something 'trippy'." Again, I start to believe my entire life is a lie. I "realize" that I am in some room somewhere in some mental hospital and that everything is my imagination. I believe I am at the park with my friends because they pity me. They are only visiting me in a mental hospital and I'm imagining we are at the park. Eventually I snap out of this train of thought. However, the remainder of this trip involves me acting incredibly bizarre and obscene resulting in my friends holding me down and giving me some xanax.
My final experience of this kind happens during my seventh and final LSD trip. This time I only take one tab along with my friend M. We drop the tab, then about two hours later we meet up with some friends and smoke some weed. Again we go to the same liquor store. I thought I'd be able to handle it on just one tab but the weed completely threw me off the deep end. Again, I was standing in line. Sweating, I shut my eyes. Here come the voices. "Its the acid." "He's fucking tripping." I feel this sensation of urine and excrement filing my jeans, dripping out of my nose and mouth. Utter humiliation. I sense this feeling that my friend M is laughing at me incredulously, laughing at the fact that I can't wrap my stupid head around the idea that my life is a lie. I am in some room somewhere in some mental hospital imagining everything. Or that there is no existence in the first place. I am the only conscious being and everything is fake. I feel that at any moment all the walls in the store and my friend M is going to restrain and humiliate me. I feel he is going to yell at me "you fucked up your brain! Your life is a lie! Why can't you just get it?" in some sort of PSA fashion. This was my subconscious' way of punishing me. We exit the store and I begin telling my friend M I'm having the worse trip of my life. He spends time comforting me and eventually I calm down. Not completely, though. Throughout the trip I feel as if my reality is a lie.
Today is the day after and I am back to normal. However, I am still very afraid. Each of those times it's as if the LSD sobered me. It's as if when I'm not on LSD I'm living in a lie created by my subconscious. Every moment leads me to my destiny of taking LSD so that I sober up and realize I'm a nut somewhere and my life is my imagination.
What do you think? Just bad trips? Mental instability? Am I possibly prone to psychosis or something? Will I ever be able to take acid again? Has anyone experienced anything similar?
Thanks to all input.
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