Question

[irisdescence]

I've long been hunting for some good acid, and recently came across it.
My question is this...I read things like this:

"However: be prepared for your world view to be permanently altered. After your first trip you will never be the same, there's no going back to ignorance. This is usually a positive thing though."

I consider myself an intelligent person, and I have an interest in philosophy. I've always done well in my intellectual pursuits, whether that be school or other areas of interest. I'm currently in grad school.

I've tried LSD (3 strong hits) once and mushrooms twice (2g then 3.5g)

Now here's my problem:

I really appreciate the different philosophies held by prominent figures in psychedelic history. I've read literature by McKenna, Watts, etc., and their writings really resonate with me. Just reading has led to an altered worldview.

HOWEVER, I don't feel I've gotten anything particularly enlightening out of my three trips.

First one- 2g with a couple friends, went to botanical gardens, got kicked out and wandered home alone, disoriented, lots of visuals, distortion; I would consider that trip to have been an entertaining and recreational experience.

Second time- 3 hits of acid- did it inside, alone. Classic bad trip--horrible anxiety, feeling trapped, feeling too scared to go outside because I didn't want to get arrested looking insane, fear and anxiety that persisted for a week or so.

Third time- 3.5g alone in the nearby state park at night. Right as I started coming up a group of six people showed up in my tripping spot, and I had to maneuver the pitch black trails alone. This I did with the intention of contemplating the current path I was on and whether it was what I really wanted. I got out of the trip that I wanted to change my path, but overall it was a confusing and nauseating experience, and I really knew that beforehand anyway- the mushrooms just made it very clear.

After all this, I really don't feel "enlightened". Is this likely because all my trips occurred in bad settings/mindsets? I do have some serious issues with my life right now. Should I keep trying? Because I want to understand- I'm not looking for recreation in these trips, and I'm taking them very seriously.

On a sidenote- what is an ideal environment for tripping alone? I've tried inside- felt trapped; tried outside; felt like couldn't let go because I had no one watching me/was somewhere people could show up.

Lastly, I notice when I trip that a lot of sexual things come up, that are clearly a big part of my psyche. I can't tell if these are things about myself that I haven't accepted that I need to accept, or negative fetishes that I need to fight against. Does anyone else have lots of sexual things come up during their trip?

haha lot of questions in there. please comment on whatever part you would like: ).

 

[vagueblur]

I found that when I first started taking acid it was all about fun and "party time", as time went on I got into the deeper philosophical/enlightening side of it.

If you want to get philosophical then the next time you're tripping, go into it with that intention - find some quiet time to sit down and think, or have a talk with a good friend about the meaning of life.

But really, don't worry about it! Just have fun... if you keep doing it long enough you will just stumble across "enlightenment" anyway.

I haven't had the sexual stuff come up. Don't fight it, you don't really have to deal with it at the time, but at some point have a think about why it is coming up with relation to where you're at in life and relationships right now.

 

[greenmeanies]

regarding the sexual stuff: i've had the same kind of things come into my mind while tripping HARD along with my male friends. [i'm bisexual and currently in a relationship with a girl] needless to say, it damaged my psyche and required a couple low-dose trips alone and with my SO in order to understand my own sexuality further.

if you have a partner, talk with them SOBER about your/their fetishes, and think about why or how these things might be pleasurable, or just a trick of your mind. my point of view is there is basically no such thing as a 'bad' fetish unless it actually involves rape or murder of an uninterested party. (well, any action including an uninterested party is bad)

seek out and ENJOY all the little quirks that make YOU distinct from EVERY other person on the planet. try to understand that we all have hidden demons, and consensus interactions require us to hide these demons all day long. so when we finally discover our inner selves, the revelations can be somewhat overwhelming. remember to take a deep breath, and NO PAIN NO GAIN!

 

[irisdescence]

Thanks greenmeanies...I'm also in a relationship with a girl, and I just feel these strange fetishes getting stronger; they don't hurt anyone; it's just that I feel like they're overpowering my baseline personality, and I'm not sure if I want that. But it seems like whenever I trip I'm forced to look at that aspect, and it prevents me from getting any deeper in my trip than my sexual identity.

Another question- what's a low dose trip to you (number of hits), and how is it different than a high dose trip in its effects(what is that numerically too?).

Also, if you don't mind- what is it like to trip with your girlfriend when you are bisexual? No details needed...just is it uncomfortable/strange/etc when other aspects of your sexuality come up?

Np if you don't feel comfortable answering, I really appreciate what you've already said.

 

[pseudononamouse]

I suggest you spend your next trip with some friends in one of their (or your) home. Make sure there are no tasks that need to be done and I recommend have the means available to make at least one form of art (paper, pencil, paint, music, whatever).

Also, I think you are expecting too much too quickly. You may discover a handful of important things in a single trip, but do not expect your entire life to change after one trip.

I notice when I trip that a lot of sexual things come up, that are clearly a big part of my psyche. I can't tell if these are things about myself that I haven't accepted that I need to accept, or negative fetishes that I need to fight against. Does anyone else have lots of sexual things come up during their trip?

That could be an important discovery already. Perhaps you should explore it more.

 

[freescale]

You haven't had a strong trip yet. Set & setting probably has something to do with it & you may not have had the strongest acid to begin with, but I'm thinking the biggest barrier is your unwillingness to let go & give in to the drug. There's been times I've dosed & only after I'm committed to it I realize it was the wrong time & place for it. So I end up fighting the effects of the acid & end up with just some tracers, CEV & a godawful headache instead of what I've come to expect from a solid trip.

My advice is pretty much the same as everyone else's. Find a place you feel safe & people you feel safe with, drop your dose & open your mind. It may not change your life but it's as far as any of us can take you on the path.

 

[greenmeanies]

Also, if you don't mind- what is it like to trip with your girlfriend when you are bisexual? No details needed...just is it uncomfortable/strange/etc when other aspects of your sexuality come up?

Np if you don't feel comfortable answering, I really appreciate what you've already said.

she already knows everything about me, so it's no biggie, and tripping with her is incredibly therapeutic for both of us.

it's the times when i trip around people who don't know my whole sexuality when i get into problems with myself and some kind of sexual tension because i wish i could be more open.

 

[irisdescence]

I don't want to trip with other people, and I don't feel safe anywhere: ). So what do I do?! hehe

 

[irisdescence]

(I feel trapped inside/have roommates (who are cool w/ it but still awkward), but don't feel like I have a good enough grip on reality to go outside)

I really prefer tripping outside...daytime hike, start in the morning?

 

[freescale]

Another question- what's a low dose trip to you (number of hits), and how is it different than a high dose trip in its effects(what is that numerically too?).

Acid dosage is measured in micrograms & purity can vary from less than 20% up to 95% (sometimes called needlepoint). So a 20% pure hit will only have 20mcg LSD on a 100mcg blotter square while the 95% one will have almost 5 times as much. Point is, one hit of a high purity LSD batch can easily outshine several hits from a low purity source & there's no way of knowing which is which without ingesting them both & comparing the effects. Know your sources.

 

[freescale]

I really prefer tripping outside...daytime hike, start in the morning?

Wherever you feel safe & are safe. Read some trip reports (here & Erowid) & ask yourself if that place would be good to have those trips.

 

[Shambles]

Sounds to me like a classic case of expectation overshadowing experience. My early trips were similar - I was expecting to touch heaven but mostly laughed my arse off, looked at pretty things and wanked myself silly (I also get a lot of sexual "stuff" whilst tripping and still do). I disagree with Vagueblur somewhat on going into a trip with pre-planned ideas - never worked for me. I find that any "enlightenment" creeps up on you - it's not being struck by lightning so much as lightning building slowly from within over time. I also don't think dose is necessarily a deciding factor - low dose trips have often brought as much - if not more - revelations than higher dose ones for me.

I think the best advice is to just go with whatever happens and enjoy the ride. "Bad" trips can also often be the most productive however uncomfortable they may be at the time so they're not necessarily always a bad thing. They are relatively rare though and the good almost always outweighs the bad. Whether good or bad, I find the "meat" of the experience is the reintegration over the weeks and months following a trip cos there's just too much going on during the trip itself to take in and it's rarely obvious at the time.

I'd suggest you stop looking and what you are looking for will find you. As is often said around these parts - psyches only open the door a chink, you have to walk through it all by yourself

 

[pseudononamouse]

I forgot to say, do not expect any specific outcome from a trip. I never expect what I get out of my trips beforehand.

 

[aussieblues]

The thing to remember about a trip is that it cannot be planned out, I've seen people go into trips expecting certain results or experiences who then get disappointed when things don't go as planned which throws them into a bad trip. When you're tripping, don't try to fight your mind, let it wander freely and take you where it wants to go; if the sexual issues keep bringing themselves to the forefront it probably means they're something to which you need to give some thought if you truly wish to achieve self-actualization and enlightenment. Another thing that I can't stress enough is how successful good music can be at preventing a bad trip and presenting intriguing ideas and, in turn, infinitely expanding threads of thought. The Beatles' albums from Revolver to Let It Be are fantastic for this type of self exploration. Within You Without You on Sgt. Pepper's was the first song that really allowed me to tap into the collective consciousness and ever since that wonderful experience I've been able to tap back in, especially whilst listening to the Beatles. Anyway, good luck with your experiments, you'll make it there someday, just remember, let your mind focus on what it sees fit (provided it isn't in some way endangering your physical form), the worst thing you can do is try to force it into doing something else too soon. Your mind will know when it's ready to expose the truth.

 

[ChronicHD]

3 doses for a first time was probably just too strong, especially alone.

On another note, it sounds like a lot of the time you are fighting against the drugs. Just remind yourself the entire time that you have taken a drug, and that eventually the intoxication will surpass, and you will again be back to baseline.

Telling yourself that (before the trip), repeating that to yourself(before the trip), and ultimately convincing yourself of that fact (before the trip!) will help you to cope with potentially rough experiences during the trip.

As far as the things you think about and realize about yourself during the trip, do not fight those either; you'll be surprised at what you can learn about yourself when you least expect it.