question on opiate detox screw up

[oxysnomo]

I have been 4 days clean from a small 3 week opiate addiction (mainly oxymorphone 15mg/day, or heroin 3-4 bags a day - but never did more than that throughout the 3 weeks and I did either the oxymorphone or the heroin, not both on the same day). Today would have been day 5.

I woke up today feeling completely fine, and due to experience from prior withdrawals, I could tell that I had gotten through the physical symptoms. The only symptom I felt was the slight increase in anxiety but I felt pretty good today and the physical symptoms were either not even noticeable or completely gone.

Well, I guess I felt cocky like yeah I did it, wasn't that bad of withdrawals (which it really wasn't considering the addiction was small, and I have detoxed from faaaar greater and longer addictions in the past - but I still felt like absolute fucking shit and didn't sleep for several nights...), and I basically just gave in and convinced myself I wanted to do one last bag!! Man, I am just such a great decision maker!!

Anyway, I am wondering if by doing this I will have completely fucked myself over and will have to restart the detox from the beginning - or in other words will just have to do it all over again, and all that suffering and hard work was all for naught.

My questions are: 1) is this true?...2) I know I am going to feel shitty again but will it be much less severe? will it not last as long?. ..and 3)basically did I just take 5 steps forward (in terms of days) and 5 steps back? 4 steps back, 3, 2, 1 steps back? How many steps back goddamnit!!

Obviously this is very subjective and everyone's body is different, but I'm assuming that there is someone out there who has made the same mistake I did, and they may be able to relay to me what they went through. I feel like after being clean for 5 days, having gotten through the physical part, and having snorted such a tiny ass bag (I literally barely felt high for like 5-10 minutes), I shouldn't have fucked it up too bad. Wishful thinking, perhaps; only time will tell but some input on what to expect is always comforting.

Any input is appreciated. Thanks

 

[neversickanymore]

Hey oxysnomo.. And welcome to Bluelight. I think its a good idea for people to make the distinction in their minds of the difference between physical dependence and Addiction. Here is a good thread about addiction and physical dependence.

Addiction Guide

It hard to tell what your witdrawls are to be.. My guess would be four steps back.

Do you have any acess to medications to aid you in your detox If so which ones are you useing?

medications for acute opiate detox

The medications I would explore the use of for detox would be:
>Clonidine< DOSED EVER FOUR HOURS..

one of either
>NEURONTIN< >HERE< >HERE<
OR >Lyrica<
OR >phenibut<

>A BENZO BUT JUST AT NIGHT<
>a nsaid<
>melatonin<
tylenol

(Opi Withdrawal) what is the best comfort meds for opiate w/d?

Your Personal Opiate Withdrawal Arsenal


Your doing great.. just a little bit longer and you will be out of the woods

 

[deltakappamu]

I usually find that when I do this (and I have done it a multitude of times,) it doesn't set me back too terribly bad.. but you aren't gonna be feeling great either. I would just try to stop now while you still can.

You can do it!

 

[oxysnomo]

thanks for the replies guys, don't feel too terrible today so I guess only time will tell how I react to this but im thinking it wont completely set me back...the one positive I can take is that after doing it this last time I feel kind of disgusted at the drug and myself so im not going back down that path... aint easy but I know I have what it takes to completely quit ct and stay sober after that (which as we all know is the hardest part...but the worst part is 15 minutes after you just got high and its fading fast, and you know you just wasted another week of your life). your mind makes you remember the drug as bringing a much sweeter reward than it really does, especially after years of daily use. easy to remember, but hard to believe when your mind is telling you otherwise.

 

[neversickanymore]

Thats the first steps of seeing through the delusion of addiction. Do you have a recovery plan hatched out. It is necessary to devise and implement a plan to make this possible.. Don't beat yourself up.. throw all that guilt and shame out the fucking window.. you dont need it where you are going its unwarranted and just drives use.

If you want share your recovery plan.. if you need to put one together allot of us can help with that as well.

Your doing great this is hard but if I can do it anyone can!!

 

[deltakappamu]

Glad you don't feel too bad.. just be careful not to use that fact to get high again.. not saying you will, but this is what my sick ass always does: "hmmmm I got high once and didn't feel too bad the next day.. I can just do it again" and then I keep doing it. FAIL. COMPLETE FAIL. LOL

I would love to help with the others in your recovery plan if you are up to making one! It is always a good idea to have that and a relapse prevention plan in place. Never know when the disease of addiction gonna sneak back on ya and try ya.


Keep up the good work

 

[THC_LSD_OC]

hey bud, i know what your going thru. im on day 7 off suboxone (was doing for 3 1/2 months) and 2 months off a 300-400mgpd oxy habit (which was daily for 6 months, so almost 8 months of daily use).

the temptation..will always be there. That feeling of clarity you have immediately following a detox is important for your confidence. And also not relapsing is good for your confidence. BUT, relapse is part of the recovery process as cliche as it sounds. I relapsed twice during suboxone treatment b/c of temptations that were placed in front of me that I could've avoided.
I have been taking kratom extract on a lower and lower dose each day, so I feel as though even the kratom (which is usually weak, but i have 100x extract from m&m) will reset the withdrawals.

In your case, generally one use will not be a reset for FULL withdrawal, you may notice some lighter things.
That being said, in my case and in the case of almost all addicts is that again it sounds so cliche, ONE USE IS ALL IT TAKES. My recommendation-find a good addiction counselor if possible, mine has been monumental with my recovery. And so has some serious NA meetings...go to a serious one of those and they will put u in ur fuckin place lol.

The MOST helpful things for me to resist the craving to relapse is to PLAY OUT THE TAPE.
It's a phrase my counselor uses. Think about what will happen when you decide to use "just one more time" Your primitive area of the brain will experience EUPHORIC RECALL. It will say hoooolly shit this feels sooo good this is the best ever and it will remind you of the first time you did it and create a sense of nostalgia that is not right for recovery.

When you get a craving, PLAY THE TAPE OUT. If you use this one more time...then you will have to worry about going thru the withdrawals again...then once u get out of em again you'll be tempted to relapse again...eventually it develops into a habit again...you lose all your money...you isolate yourself...you build up the guilt and shame. Opiates are the ultimate getaway drug from guilt and shame.

Imagine you have a sandbucket right now, and its filled with all of your previous shame and guilt and all of the negativity you've experienced due to your addiction. What you have right now, you can deal with that. That is manageable. If you continue to use and fill up your bucket with all of the shit that comes with addiction, eventually it will not be enough to bare and you will end up in jail or dead from an overdose. Stop filling your bucket up with negativity. It can be the ONLY option in your arsenal if you really want to get clean for good.

Sorry for the long post, i'm just going thru something similar and i can empathize with you. I truly hope that you get well soon. Give yourself a positive mentality and surround yourself with good people. If you have friends that are triggers that you have been struggling to let go of, IT IS TIME. You gotta start caring about yourself.

neversick is more than right. throw all that shame and guilt out the window brother. its the only way to truly move on. please keep us updated.
you really can do this man...:D

 

[neversickanymore]

When you get a craving, PLAY THE TAPE OUT.

Absolutely.. play the tape out.. addiction takes a snap shot of drug use.. its just a sliver in time.. It makes us think we feal amazing.. it fucking lies. In the crave it sends all these memories.. but they arent acurate.. they are presented as memories.. but all they are is manipulations. It never feels like that.. I dont think it ever did. Its a dream.. a dream that says this is the most amazing thing in the world.. but we live in reality and the realty is that its never like it says it is.

What it says is you will feal amazing.. in realty you will feal gross.. your soul is gone immediately, the rush sucks, the nausea, the itchies, the weak as doped up thoughts, the fucking guilt, shame, and self doubt.. you know why we get guilty and feal shameful for something we ourselves did? Cause it drives use.. it makes us want to use more.. What a trick huh, the addicted portion of our brains tries to make us feel guilty for the shit it has driven us to do.. to get us to do more shit we will feal guilty about.. fucking dirty right.. dont buy into its mind games.. the part of the brain thats addicted causes and controls emotions.. just because you have an emotion doesn't mean its justified. rethink any emotional response that drives use.. the addicted portion of our brain is trying to get us to use.. dont fall for its shit..

take a minute and stop, rethink through your thoughts, realize your getting played.. there is no reason to ever use a drug we are addicted to.. then after we do it we say what the fuck that really kinda sucked.. Then we have started the whole damn thing again.. the pieces of the brain thats obsessed has been fired up again.. the use of any substance we are addicted to is the MOTHER of all triggers.. the addiction lies and says hey you been fighting this for so long, just take a break.. have a little slip.. your tired you've done great just take a night off.. or you can handle it now.. it lies and tries to play us like it puppet.. Its biggest strings strings are cravings, moods and emotions.. but it can pull all sorts of shit.. it controls our dreams and our sleep, it controls our sex drive, it control neuropathic pain.. it part of you.. so it knows what you think and where your "weaknesses" are and it will hit all these to try and make you use.. If you do then it laughs at us and grows as big as the damn satanic genie from aladdin..

You can do this.. You need to realize that we get played by our addiction.. It has many weapons.. but in reality they are all harmless.. once you see through it lies and emotional spells.. how it manipulates and twists your thought.. it power is slashed.. does it still grumple.. it makes noise but its more like a yap..

NSFW:

NSFW:

So it makes us feal miserable and then come looking like this whispering how we can feal so much better if we use.. it whispers how nice it will be.. it says it our friend and we deserve it. it comes telling us how it will make all our pain go away.. it never lets on that it is causing all our pain.. it comes pretending to be a savior and angel. it says it our friend while the whole world is against us.. it tries to make us pity ourselves.. it say it will make it all go away.. it lies.. lies lies lies.. all fucking lies

NSFW:

Then if it breaks us it laughs at us.. it sees us as it slave its puppet.. it then shows us what it really is and tries to beat us down till we have nothing and die.. its not that smart as it thinks it invisible and does not realize it dies with us.. it got a god complex for sure.. but if it manipulates us into it madness it shows us what it really looks like..

NSFW:

But once we see through the delusion we can turn it into this

NSFW:

And if we see its tricks, and put the time and effort into healing and strengthening ourselves then whats a YAP going to do to us?

NSFW:

Remember it is part of us and lives in us.. it shares our thoughts.. so it will know its game is up.. can never trust it.. and it will yap or try new tricks once its old ones are identified.. but who gives a fuck about a little yap now and again

Your doing great.. keep it up this is a journey not a destination.

 

[oxysnomo]

great replies guys. sorry I haven't been back on in a while. I have been clean tho. bored out of my fucking mind, but clean. admittedly ive been taking Xanax, which im prescribed and have never had a problem with, but im taking like a stick/stick and half/2 tops just to take my mind off wanting ops. Xanax has never really done it for me, the only high that ever really has is from ops..and weed...but there completely different IMO.

THC LSD-good looking out man. i see you really can empathize, and i can empathize with you, the feeling of nostalgia is what really gets me. im a very emotional person - which i think all druggies/users/whatever - are. feels like not only am i losing someONE, not even something, i love, but also all the people and memories that came with it. albeit, we were all scumbags to each other, and my friends who are still using, or using bad, are in the fuckin shitter. everyone i knows goin downhill now, and downhill fast - if theyre not already in jail or MIA. guess you can manage it only for so long, year and half, 2 years, and then the ship starts to sink fast. why i want to get out now..and as of now, am getting out. its very strange, and i know its the drugs literally tricking me into feeling like that. but perception is reality, so right now that's my world. i know it will end soon, i just hope there is something to take its place soon.

i hate getting help from anyone, always have. always have done everything hard on my own, never told anyone about it. but i am seriously considering going to meetings...what the hell, why not.

thanks again for the replies. hang in there THC LSD, we got this.

 

[oxysnomo]

Neversickanymore...you really articulated perfectly whats been going through my mind every second for the past week, and whats gone thru my mind the second after i relapsed. i think the relapse is what i needed to realize that im just being played...id rather have relapsed after a few days than 2 weeks if that makes sense...

thanks for the support, sometimes its very difficult to distinguish between whats real and what your minds telling you.