Emme80
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Oct 30, 2013
- Messages
- 233
Hello my kind &knowledgeable friends-well, this bitch of a right foot hurts as if it was crushed by a hammer. But, as of today, one week down that I won't have to relive again. Thank freaking God !
Tho, yesterday I'd to go to the Emergency Department b/c there was bleeding...and more bleeding. Had a look at the freshly cut flesh. Uck! It's a fairly straight slice-Goes from top if big toe to heel. The ER Dr. Said "oh that's beautiful"... Nurse said " oh that's a beauty". I thought they were joking-but apparently, it IS beautiful for the location, length,type & degree of difficulty of surgery-as they explained to me. All the blood was just due to the blood thinners I'm on-Blood is TOO thin. So, adjustments made. X-rays look good & that is GOOD to know... screws, pins, etc. are all in place.
Today seems a LITTLE less of the "fuck!shit!damn!shit!fuck!" of the bone splitting type pain-but holy hell, it's still breathless. I SO want this to be over. Ice felt great -great relief- on the operation on left foot...but right foot...w/ice ..it's like an exorcism of sorts! This foot wants nothing to do with ice. It's... Crazy!
So, anyways, to the important, ACTUAL matter at hand~the pain meds&methadone, etc. I was trying so desperately NOT to take anything-but up until today it was simply beyond the word "pain". Even so, I'm not taking the pain meds as directed(taking much less)than directed. I just had to take some-as I could barely breathe from the pain. Screaming pain. But, I've gotten away w/less than directed. Pain lifting a tiny bit today.
So, as I said in last post , I am figuring I can only play it by ear....which completely goes against my over analytical, all-controlling ways. But, I have to let it go. Listen to my body. But I might need to plan ahead a bit if it's the methadone I go back onto&taper,( I'd need to start building it up in system yes?)Until today, I've taken (avg .daily) 1 of the 15mg ER Morphine (versus the 2 every 12hrs.-as rx'd)and approx. 4-8mg per day (tho rx'd as every 3 hrs) I probably wouldn't have had as much pain if I'd followed directions. But I just can't bare being so rather close to the methadone "Finish Line" , being within grasp yet still so unattainable!
SO...1 week&1day w/o methadone. ( I like this idea of no methadone) Just the painkillers. Too bad that couldn't be the "end" of the road, eh? Too easy though! But, I think I've gotten by on the least ammt. of the Pain Meds.(Loads of Tylenol though!) My next Dr. appt. is July 9th.
Wondering...should I start "building up"/"stacking up" the methadone in my system now ? I've loads of Tramadol I never took..(dr. used to think it was FINE to take w/methadone ..she wouldn't rx me a Tylenol 3, but hey ... All the Tramadol you want! Crazy!) I can't say exactly what he will give me-tho thus far it's all been exactly the same as last time, as well as he did say we'd "step down " to Vic/ Perc. just like last time. I'll go Vicodin route, as was suggested. So as of today,(haven't taken anything yet) should I back off-stop the painkillers-go back to methadone? Start w/3mg.in morning&3mg.@night (I do just hate putting the methadone back into my body..but oh well...seems like that's the way I'll havta go, yes?(finish line is finish line no matter how I get there! And I WILL) I imagine if I jumped now, from everything, it'd be not so pretty...yes?(especially w/a still fucked up foot&pain) But,if I had Vicodin, would that be an adequate "step down" or would the Morphine& Dilauded have been TOO "big"? The longer I take the Morphine/Dilauded , the deeper hole I dig right? Such is why I'm done taking those as of today. So...wait&see? Cut those lil dillys in half...wean off? Possible? Or best be start stacking up on methadone&get back to the tapering. Don't quite know where to go from here.(obviously).
Lorne??? My God your knowledge of the equivalencies, doses , etc. is absolutely impeccable! As there IS a science to all of this. Thank you..trainspotter, crzydiamond, pill_head...all of you. Thank you! Hope this msg. Isn't TOO scattered. Took me over an hour or more to write ... Breaks to breath thru intermittent pain.
Hope I wasn't UN-clear .
& hope all is well for y'all!
Tho, yesterday I'd to go to the Emergency Department b/c there was bleeding...and more bleeding. Had a look at the freshly cut flesh. Uck! It's a fairly straight slice-Goes from top if big toe to heel. The ER Dr. Said "oh that's beautiful"... Nurse said " oh that's a beauty". I thought they were joking-but apparently, it IS beautiful for the location, length,type & degree of difficulty of surgery-as they explained to me. All the blood was just due to the blood thinners I'm on-Blood is TOO thin. So, adjustments made. X-rays look good & that is GOOD to know... screws, pins, etc. are all in place.

Today seems a LITTLE less of the "fuck!shit!damn!shit!fuck!" of the bone splitting type pain-but holy hell, it's still breathless. I SO want this to be over. Ice felt great -great relief- on the operation on left foot...but right foot...w/ice ..it's like an exorcism of sorts! This foot wants nothing to do with ice. It's... Crazy!
So, anyways, to the important, ACTUAL matter at hand~the pain meds&methadone, etc. I was trying so desperately NOT to take anything-but up until today it was simply beyond the word "pain". Even so, I'm not taking the pain meds as directed(taking much less)than directed. I just had to take some-as I could barely breathe from the pain. Screaming pain. But, I've gotten away w/less than directed. Pain lifting a tiny bit today.
So, as I said in last post , I am figuring I can only play it by ear....which completely goes against my over analytical, all-controlling ways. But, I have to let it go. Listen to my body. But I might need to plan ahead a bit if it's the methadone I go back onto&taper,( I'd need to start building it up in system yes?)Until today, I've taken (avg .daily) 1 of the 15mg ER Morphine (versus the 2 every 12hrs.-as rx'd)and approx. 4-8mg per day (tho rx'd as every 3 hrs) I probably wouldn't have had as much pain if I'd followed directions. But I just can't bare being so rather close to the methadone "Finish Line" , being within grasp yet still so unattainable!
SO...1 week&1day w/o methadone. ( I like this idea of no methadone) Just the painkillers. Too bad that couldn't be the "end" of the road, eh? Too easy though! But, I think I've gotten by on the least ammt. of the Pain Meds.(Loads of Tylenol though!) My next Dr. appt. is July 9th.
Wondering...should I start "building up"/"stacking up" the methadone in my system now ? I've loads of Tramadol I never took..(dr. used to think it was FINE to take w/methadone ..she wouldn't rx me a Tylenol 3, but hey ... All the Tramadol you want! Crazy!) I can't say exactly what he will give me-tho thus far it's all been exactly the same as last time, as well as he did say we'd "step down " to Vic/ Perc. just like last time. I'll go Vicodin route, as was suggested. So as of today,(haven't taken anything yet) should I back off-stop the painkillers-go back to methadone? Start w/3mg.in morning&3mg.@night (I do just hate putting the methadone back into my body..but oh well...seems like that's the way I'll havta go, yes?(finish line is finish line no matter how I get there! And I WILL) I imagine if I jumped now, from everything, it'd be not so pretty...yes?(especially w/a still fucked up foot&pain) But,if I had Vicodin, would that be an adequate "step down" or would the Morphine& Dilauded have been TOO "big"? The longer I take the Morphine/Dilauded , the deeper hole I dig right? Such is why I'm done taking those as of today. So...wait&see? Cut those lil dillys in half...wean off? Possible? Or best be start stacking up on methadone&get back to the tapering. Don't quite know where to go from here.(obviously).
Lorne??? My God your knowledge of the equivalencies, doses , etc. is absolutely impeccable! As there IS a science to all of this. Thank you..trainspotter, crzydiamond, pill_head...all of you. Thank you! Hope this msg. Isn't TOO scattered. Took me over an hour or more to write ... Breaks to breath thru intermittent pain.

Hope I wasn't UN-clear .

Last edited: