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  • AADD Moderators: swilow | Vagabond696

Question for bluelighters who DON'T have kids...

At this stage of my life, I haven't thought about the idea. I think that seeing a child happy is a great joy, likewise it would be beautiful to see your child or children grow up and experience life's ups and downs. Presently, I am put off by the idea of having children [until at least a good 20 years I would say] because I see them as a little too much work for someone like me to handle anytime soon - And I want to spend my money on me first, me me me. I will mature and so will these thoughts. - I can see myself with children one day.
 
im unsure as of yet whether i want them

i work at a primary school, and have a great time with the kids, specially the younger ones, and i know i would love to have children.........

BUT..... i would have to see what kind of a parent i think i would be..... i would have no problems giving the child care and love etc, but i would be very wary of passing on some of my more undesireable character traits... eg lazyness, dope smoking, obsession with sport/video games..... well maybe the sport and video games are ok.... but really, if i were to raise a child right now, they would be drug fiends by the age of 10.... and thats not what i want for my kids if i have any.... at least get to age 13 drug free;)

as for the bloodline thing, it makes no diff to me, i think i would treat an adopted baby exactly the same as my own flesh and blood....

and yes, congrats are in order to the expecting babydoc :D
 
up all night said:
I want kids because you get more money when you're on the dole.
Click to expand...

I know your being sarcastic but i really hate when people talk about others having child after child to get more money from the government etc. I do realise that there are some people that do do this but i hate being put in that category (not that you put me in it by the way...just saying its happened to me before) because i myself am on government support as a sole parent because i'm at uni full time and just don't have the time to work. I don't think people realise that parents who don't work and are on the "dole" actually live below the poverty line and actually get barely enough to live on. alot of people carry on like we get a shitload and what not for doing "nothing" (my sons father just to name one) pfffttt what the fuck does he know hey? He winges about paying $50 a week child support because the government pays me to raise his kid. Do i actually get a thanks from him for raising the absolutely amazing child that we have that he left ME to do alone? NO 8(

Anyway...as most of you know i have a nine year old son. I actually always wanted four kids and was planning on having a second when my son was three years old but that's when i split up with his dad so that plan went out the window and i can only say a prayer of thanks that i didn't have two to look after when we broke up. There was no way that i was going to have heaps of kids with different dads etc (even if it was only two) I refuse to be on of THOSE statistics. It's bad enough being a "single mum" statistic already 8)

I know am 100 % certain i'm not having anymore. Why? Basically because i still have a degree to finish and then a work force to join and even if i do meet someone in the next three years that i want to settle down with and wants to have kids with me there is no way in the world that i am going back to nappies when my son will be 12/13 or upwards already.

I have to doof around the world yet and i can do that in the next 7 years or so i think when my son is old enough to not need me as a 'mum' so much etc. I'm not going back to point one when i'm this far into my life already. Anyone i do settle down with (although i don't actually eveer see this happening because i don't want to just quit life and do shit all blah blah blah) is going to have to accept that if they want kids it's not gong to be from me (although they would have to accept mine in their life which i know is a hard thing to ask...well not really but others will think that)

Those who say kids are little shits i don't think have ever met any kids that have been raised "right" imo because i think kids are a product of their upbringing and it depends on how you raise your little person that will decifer if they are little shits or not. Mine certainly isn't but well he was raised my doofqueen *brags* =D

You just have no idea just how much love you can have for someone and how much pride you can hold for a person for just being themselves and how much more pride you can wrap yourself in knowing that this amazing person is who they are because of you. It's enough to make your head explode and your heart burst :)
 
I've seriously had more changes of attitude on this topic than I've had changes of underwear.... lol.

Up until I was about 22, I never had any desire to have kids. None whatsoever. Then, suddenly, something changed. I can only describe it as a physical, basic shift... I can even remember the exact time it happened. I was in Scotland, living in a little apartment with my then-boyfriend at the time... supposedly meant to be having the time of my single life. But suddenly, overwhelmingly, I started to want a baby. I even wrote to my girlfirend about it, who'd recently had a kid. I remember her answer: "Don't worry, it's just your ovaries going haywire. Ignore it."

She was right. Because I did forget about it, and for the next 4 years or so it was the last thing on my mind. At the time I had a 38 year old boyfriend who had 4 kids of his own... I was hardly aching to have any MORE intrusion into my private life. Although, if I am honest, that first revelation still left lingering thoughts in my mind, such that I even asked him if he'd consider getting his vasectomy reversed for me.

Fast foward to the breakup of that relationship and the start of my current one - age 26 to now (29). All of a sudden, I desperately want kids. It's like a complete turnaround. I don't know if it's because of the partner I'm with now (who I can see would be a great dad), or because I'm just getting older... but I find myself obsessing over this. Not every day, not even every week - but pretty regularly.

I'd NEVER EVER trick my current boyfriend and get pregnant without his knowlege. But I can't help fantasising about getting pregnant, and having a little life, all of my own, to shape and influence and experience that awesome love I hear so much about. I guess it will happen in time.

But yeah.... I used to think "FUCK NO"... now I've done a 180 degrees. :)
 
I don't advise everyone runs out and gets pregnant (you can practice if you like) but having a kid doesn't have to slow your life. You just have to do things differently. We can no longer backpack through europe but we r on a tour of oz with our 18 month daughter and life is good.
Its a bit tough coming home from a club at 6am and all you want to do is sleep ( and the wife is nursing a rolling pin)but it is the best chill out time watching a wiggles video 4 the 1000 time. I can no longer have the boys round to smoke fat ones in front of the tv but everyone lines up to take my daughter out on the boogieboard down on the beach( we are training her to enter the surf / snowboard tour, or the 1st female formula one driver, no pressure)
Best part is i can go down to the shops with spew on the front of my t shirt and wear it with pride
 
what's your attitude towards kids?
I've always known that I've wanted to have kids and made education and career choices (IT) that I thought would give me the best flexibility and ability to both work and have a family. There never is going to be an absolutely perfect or right time to do it and for a long time other things came first.

Do you see yourself ever having any, or being happily childless?
Like babydoc (big congrats!) am about to find out for myself. Had our 20 week scan yesterday and found out we're going to have a little boy in September...

Is it important to you to perpetuate your bloodline?
Not really, though I am conscious that it's the first grandchild on my side - no overt pressure from the folks luckily, but they are all very happy. And I have to say that I do like the idea of a little part of me living on after I've gone - a sense of connection to generations gone and those in the future.

And have your attitudes changed over time, or do you think they will change?
Ooooh yes, I suspect there's going to be a lot of changes in my attitudes over the next little while. After travelling and working and living in very child-free environments for a looong time, things are going to change very drastically very soon. But I'm looking forward to the adventure and the new experiences of a new phase of life opening up...

:)
 
i don't know.

it's such a full-time "job" that it's kind of difficult for me to decide (wow, like everything else :p). i've always been on the side of *not* wanting kids, but for the last few years i've definitely thought that it's a possibility, just a fair bit later.

the problem is that i have this entire series of goals planned out that i want to achieve, which will pretty much require that i devote all of my time to them. and parenting isn't exactly something that you should enter into half-heartedly, so i wouldn't want to have to compromise either position.

thus, yeah, i can definitely see myself having kids, but not for a long fucking time (when i've gotten everything else out of the way). i'd be quite happy childless, really, but the fact that it's such a supposedly amazing life experience leads me to believe that it might be worthwhile - nothing beats (so they say) seeing your own kids grow up...

my bloodline doesn't really bother me - i think it's a fairly outdated concept anyway :p
 
I can't wait until I have kids, it will be great to know that if they EVER EVER do drugs, I'll know what to look out for. And if I find them with a ten pack, oh look out, I'd make them sit down and eat the whole thing....maybe not at once.
 
i've always pictured myself having kids, and now my brother has just had his first child i am all gooey and maternal wanting to babysit and just cuddle my little nephew....

i dont want kids for at least another 10 years ideally, but i definately want them....i just hope that my b/f changes his mind about wanting them in another 10 years, hes at the "never ever" stage...hmmmmm
 
Kids dont fit into my life at the moment, and whenever i see screaming kids in the supermarket I pull faces at them to scare them more.... and also scare them when their mothers arent looking so they cry.

That said, whenever i look after kids i have a great time, I really enjoy having them around and how they can be amused by so little (that was not a dirty line, and no I was not talking about my manhood) its just great mixing it up and having a bit of fun with them.

I would like to have a family and i would like to be young enough to enjoy their company, but I want to be able to give them everything but most of all financial stability. But ill slap them across the back of the head if they get all rich child syndrome... They will work when they are old enough and it will be a real job, not some wanky job at an office or something
 
If i had enough money to comfortably support myself, my boyf and a child, I would DEFINATELY have a baby now (I turn 19 in July.) I know that might sound a little weird to some people because i'm so young, but i don't want anything more in the world than a child of my own. Unfortunately, i'm not in a position to hhave a baby right now and i've only just strted my uni degree this year....so i've got a little while to wait yet....
 
i have lots of views on this topic.......
my mother was 18 wen she had her first child and my grandmother was 18 wen she had her first child....
me being 18 right now makes me wonder how anybody my age could have a child..... i personally think im way 2 young, and i dont want to have children till AT LEAST 21, but if i met the love of my life, and got married, and had kids, it would be a whole different story......
i believe il get married before having children, because im close with my family and dont wana lose that close bond i have and i respect how they feel....
as my mother is no longer with us (R.I.P Mum, and happy mothers day i love u) i have grown to respect my father very highly, he raised 3 children on his own... if i became a single mother i dont think i would have the strength to do what he has done... my sister also lost her husband before her 2 children were born (twins, boy n a girl) and i admire her for her strength to go through with it and i love my niece and nephew to bits... sometimes i look at them and wonder if il ever have any.....
one day i do want to have children, but not until im sure that i will be comfortable with money and not until im comfortable with myself in my own skin :)
 
Id love to have kids.. but way down the track.. I think its important to have a secure home and family life to bring a child up.. I love kids to death but I do like giving them back to there parents when you have had a enuff!!
 
yes... I would like a kid but not for a good 10-12 years (I am 21 at the moment).

I still have so much to do and learn about myself. Add to that I would like to be financially secure and have loads more travel plans to sort out.

So yes... one day I would like one of them, but it aint anytime soon.
 
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