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question about someone I know committing suicide....

I

ihatepipes

Bluelighter
Joined
Aug 12, 2010
Messages
252
I have always been of the mindset that (wo)man is completely free to do what they please as far as what they put into their body, what risks they take etc. etc. etc.. Part of this belief is that suicide is also a personal choice and if a person wishes to do so they have the right to do so because they have the given right of free will.

However, I have an old friend who lives about 1500 miles from me and I recently have come back into contact with. He seems to have found the girl of his dreams but she does not hold him in the same regard, and he is a bit suicidal over this. He has attempted suicide already 30 10 mg blue valiums and a fifth of cognac (I was not aware of the situation). His most recent attempt to commit suicide I was able to talk him out of it and he promised me he wouldn't do so I considered it a 50-50 chance as to whether he would keep his word or not. He kept his word. Now I know that he is planning to attempt to commit suicide again he has acquired 75 10 mg blue valiums and plans to mix those with a fifth of vodka but I believe he is waiting for something to really upset him and then he will go through with it.

I think this is a ridiculous reason to commit suicide and does not fit the definition of free will I gave at the beginning of my post. I do not feel right no,no,no I am completely against letting him make this third attempt. However though, I have promised not to notfy emergency services and he has promised to let me know when he is going to attempt. I made it clear to him that I wouldn't report him to authorities. I told him I was going to be in that city visiting family and tricked him into giving me his address because I would call and drop by.

He has had problems with intravenous drug use (H and Amps) and he has a liter a day of hard liqour drinking habit. I really think that he is suffering from severe depression (his iv drug use cost him everything he had accumulated.

So now for my predicament:

A) I can report him now he can lie to them (psychiatric professionals at whatever faccility he is taken to) say he is not suicidal and they release him right away he gets pissed at me and doesn't notify me when he makes his attempt and I cannot "talk him off the ledge again" When he actually decides to through with it.

B) I can wait until he makes his attempt call eemergency services and hope they can still revive him after how lomg it takes them to get there (of course he would drink the vodka and take the pills in front of me because I told him that nobody should die alone and I want to be there with him every step of the way).

What in the fuck am I supposed to do?
 
in my experience, having been there myself on numerous occassions, a truly suicidal person does not reveal plans of the suicide attempt. I wanted to die and believed I would with the amount and combo of meds I took. I told no-one as I didn't want my attempt to be stopped so therefore if no-one knew the likelyhood of this happening was low.

maybe your friend is telling you of his plans as a cry for help? I personally would tell someone, also if you told the authorities of his previous attempt and the fact that he has already acquired the "equipment" shall we say, they would believe you over him and hold him for at least 72 hours to do assessments. He will more than likely be offered some long term help such as therapies and medications. If someone told me of their plans to the point where they already had the means to do it, I would definitely contact someone that can help them. I know it is a tricky position to be in, but do you really want to leave it to chance?
 
D2P you sound right on track - I knew even sometimes when I felt that low, I'd tell friends because in my heart I never really wanted to die, I just wanted love from somebody. You gotta show your friend that things do get better with love. It seems he has a very short sighted mind set because of his drug use (he's use to getting instant gratification from drugs so it's hard for him to accept that). But I suggest you just stay with your friend and let them know that you love them. It's not easy AT ALL to be in the position you're in, but stick by them through hardships, and if things get serious, I would say don't be afraid to contact the hospital or anyone.
 
I refuse to let this guy die over nothing. I of course would contact authorities to let them know such and such has done such andsuch and lives at such and such. I agree that he is looking for attention and just wants someone to care about him. I have been telling him I love him even though our friendship before he moved away was very short (my wife looks at me like a wierdo when I do this but I say to her what do you want me to do? let him think no one loves him he is estranged from family and does not have any contact with them. I am literally his only friend and I have been taking time out of my day (even more than I have to give because I don't want him to kill himself) just to make sure that he feels valued at least by someone.

I think his situation is the result of years of drugs and alcohol abuse and his suicidal tendencies are the result of depression caused by the fact that he cannot escape his past, and that he has no one (except for me).

In response to the posts I received I agree it is a cry for help, but at the same time if the right intervention i.e. contact between me and him does not happen (I am unavailable for whatever reason) he wil go through with it and there will be nothing I can do to stop it.

I have contemplated suicide myself before and I know damn well I wouldn't say a word to anyone and I wouldn't kill myself anywhere where family would have to deal with the mess or constantly be reminded by the location of my suicide. The only thing I would do notification wise is write letters to everyone I care about and place them where someone would find them after I took myself out. This is why I think he is just begging for love/friendship/help because he lets me know about it (suicide attempt).

Anyway, I realize I am rambling I still have not decided what to do yet. I know people suggested the seventy two hour hold they would place on him but then if they found the valiums he would be charged with possession of a dangerous drug and I do not want to cause him any problems (read felony possession) that would make him more adamant about going through with it.

Is there anybody with a great deal of experience with this that would be willing to pm me so we don't have to talk via the open forums I would greatly appreciate it.

I am basically at my wits end because my schedule is so full that I don't have time for all this, but I refuse to let someone kill themelves and will do whatever it takes to stop it if they are considering suicide because they are suffering from depression.

I do want to say that there are one group of people I would support in suicide: terminally ill patients.
 
That's the truth: most (but not all) suicides do not reveal their plans to anyone. In fact, their mood will often brighten once they have formulated a plan.

This is not to suggest that your friend's plan is simply a cry for help, and if he threatens suicide again, I would call EMS. Mental hygiene laws in your community would likely hold him for a minimum period of time (in my state, it is five days).
 
From a completely neutral standpoint:
Self harm only harms the individual, so they have a right to do whatever they want, be it drugs or something else, cause it's their body.
But suicide doesn't just encompass the individual. Suicide effects the whole family and all of the loved ones, in ways that drug use or "whatever they put in their body". I will always step in front of a suicide and intervene, unless it's because someone is going through terrible pain like from cancer, or something else that makes the physical living unbearable.
 
I have to say I disagree. Personally my friends' self harm habits do hurt me because I know they have to go through that pain and rely on something that's hurting them. You could argue that drug addiction only affects the individual, but emotionally it does affect people. I understand that you mean self harm only directly affects the individual, but I still don't think that's the only important part.
 
I had a friend who has since died of an accidental drug overdose.

At one point, they ate 300 x 10mg diazepam tablets, and somehow didn't die. They did, however, asphyxiate on their own vomit, which led to infected lung tissue. A certain percentage of their lung tissue died as a result.

I would communicate to your friend the likelihood their alcoholism has led to irreversible tolerance to GABA-ergics; meaning, he isn't going to die and the more he tries at it, the worse it will render him health-wise.
 
Certain states have different laws regarding this. For example, I know in FL they have a law where if someone even mentions that they are thinking about suicide, they can be admitted to a psych ward. Its called the Baker Act.

The good news is that a part of your friend still wants to live. If part of him did not still want to live, he would not be reaching out and telling you when/how he is going to kill himself. He is crying out for help, and you seem to be the only person he can trust w these disturbing thoughts. No suicide talk should ever be taken lightly, whether he may seem to just be attention seeking or not he needs to get help asap. If hes addicted to H im not understanding the valium mixing bit. He trusts you so make sure he knows youre on his team and you can keep his secret. On the same account, dont feel like youre responsible for his actions now that youre the bearer of bad news. There are websites and suicide prevention hotlines that would greatly benefit you and your friend. I read a site that says how to handle a call from a suicidal person as well has giving help to the suicidal individual.

Suicide happens when a persons RESOURCES FOR COPING < are less than their PAIN. He needs more resources and less pain. I dont think he wants to die, I just think he wants to stop hurting so badly and feels like death is the only way out.
 
If you dont want him to die, you know exactly what you have to do:

you need to break your promise.

Theres no other way to split it. He needs help and you are not the professional to give it to him. You can however, help him get help. If he manages to pull one over on the shrinks and get out and is pissed at you, thats on him. At least then you can be comfortable knowing that you did everything you could to save him.

If you care about him, theres no justification to NOT break your promise. "Oh he'll hate me more if i do!" He'll be dead if you dont...it ultimately boils down to whether you would rather have them alive and angry at you, or dead and happy with you?

If you DONT do everything you can, you will regret it, know that much.
 
I am ggoing to intervene how do I do so he told me he is going through with it tonight. I have to stop him right now.

HOW DO I DO IT THIS IS NOW AN EMERGENCY i HAVE TO STOP THIS BECAUSE HE IS DEPRESSED AND NOT REALLY IN ANY REAL NEED OF DYING TO ESCAPE ANYTHING BUT DEPRESSION. HOW DO i HELP HIM MY WIFE IS ON THE PHONE WITH THE SUICIDE PREVENTION HOT LINE NOW. WHAT ELSE CAN i DO.
 
Well I contacted the national suicide hotline and I got the phone number for the police department in the area and I reported that he was going to commit suicide. I just hope I wasn't too late I would be devestated if I did not save his life.
 
Ihatepipes one time I was deciding that because my friend came onto facebook and started telling me she didn't have a phone and her friend had just taken pills. I of course called, but it felt strange to be the one saving this girl's life, yet I didn't know if she wanted to die. In the end, I think a lot of people do want to end up living through suicide. She still doesn't know it was me who called. You did a good thing.
 
God fucking damnit I am going out of my fucking mind here. I called the fucking authorities they go to his house give him some fucking phone numbers and leave. Now I was Instant messaging him and his typing was all fucked up I could tell he was high as shit. I think he is committing suicide tonight but when the police showed up earlier he got all fucking paranoid and thinks it was me who did it now I cannot fucking trust him to tell me if he is going to go through with it or not he may be fucking doing it right now for fucks sake. I feel fucking miserable because I don't know if I did the right thing or not and now if he fucking kills himself tonight and I couldn't stop him because he was paranoid it is almost as it is my fucking fault because I fucking called too early. I am pretty fucking devestated right now and I think I should call again but then I don't want to fuck things up because he promised me again that he wouldn't do it without telling me but he was more fucked up then I ever saw him. I am in such a shitty situation right now it fucking sucks it is like I am holding someone's life in my hands and if I do the right thing they live and if I do the wrong thing they die. I just don't know what the fuck to do and I am beside myself right now.
 
You need to not feel guilty for the actions of others is what you need to do.

You have done everything you needed to, you have been and are still being a good friend. There is nothing else you can do past that. Unless you want to literally chain them up so they physically cannot do it.

If they had done it and you had sat idly by you might need to feel bad. If they do it and you've tried to save them then theres nothing more you can do mate.

Don't feel bad for the actions of others. Feeling bad for your own lack of action is one thing, but you did NOT fail to act appropriately, you have acted VERY appropriately. If they are that determined to trick the cops, their loved ones, the shrinks, AND YOU, there is nothing more you can do as fucked up as that sounds.

If you want to call again and keep trying by all means feel free to. You are in no way shape or form in the wrong because you are actively trying to save their life.
 
DooMMooD said:
You need to not feel guilty for the actions of others is what you need to do.

You have done everything you needed to, you have been and are still being a good friend. There is nothing else you can do past that. Unless you want to literally chain them up so they physically cannot do it.

If they had done it and you had sat idly by you might need to feel bad. If they do it and you've tried to save them then theres nothing more you can do mate.

Don't feel bad for the actions of others. Feeling bad for your own lack of action is one thing, but you did NOT fail to act appropriately, you have acted VERY appropriately. If they are that determined to trick the cops, their loved ones, the shrinks, AND YOU, there is nothing more you can do as fucked up as that sounds.

If you want to call again and keep trying by all means feel free to. You are in no way shape or form in the wrong because you are actively trying to save their life.
Click to expand...

You did the right thing.
Too many people sit back and allow fear of the what if's with their friends keep them from making a call.
It takes a lot of guts to take control of the situation and try to make a difference. You did good!
As was said above, if you would like to call again, do.
Please keep us updated on your friend <3
 
Thank you for these replies!!! He told me the police left him with a plethora of information, numbers to call etc. I have told him that he needs to use those numbers and stop playing with my emotions because it is not fair to me to get off IM with him and then toss and turn in my bed for 2 hours because I am not sure if he will go through with it or not. I am almost positive these are all cries for help and it is time to stop beating around the bushIso he can get the help he needs. I just want this person to get the help they need and now thanks to me he has the information all he has to do is use it.

I want to clarify few things about this thread.

This is not a long lost friend. this is a person I met about three months ago and have chatted with a few times. I am sorry to have misled you about this but everything else is the same. I just know this person has a BL account and I did not want him to find this thread and realize it was all about him. I also feel comfortable if he finds this thread now because he can read some of the responses and hopefully glean something positive from them.

I feel I have gone above and beyond the duty of basically a stranger it is just that I value human life, have been there before and thought it is possible I may be able to help him. I don't want anyone to die because of depression. It is one thing if you are dying of cancer or developing dementia and want to be remembered the way you are then so be it. That is their choice based on my belief in free will.
 
Well I usually don't dig up my old threads, but I think events warrant it.

I received a call today from California State Police (or something similar). My friend attempted and was successful in a suicide attempt.

A combination of alcohol and intravenous etizolam (never heard of anyone mainlining etizolam before but I guess there's first time for everything) took his life. The police were asking me if I knew of any next of kin as nobody has claimed the body.

Rest In Peace buddy. I am sorry your life felt bad enough to make you want out bad enough to kill yourself, and I'm sorry I couldn't help you.
 
I'm so sorry, ihatepipes. You're an amazing person and very good friend for doing all that you have done for this person. Thinking of you and your friend right now. Lots of love. <3
 
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