question about motivation and depression while in treatment/maintenence

[uproarious]

question about motivation and depression while in treatment/maintenece. I've been on sub on and off and relapsed
Many times (10). I have been in a slump lately and feel like I'm alienated from everything. I hope to god this passes.

I live in a city where most jobs are service industry and casino/strip clubs. Of course
These type of jobs are triggers to me but also the only type of jobs I've worked besides
Construction after hurricanes. I have no niche at 28(besides street art) but I try to stay positive. I just seem to want to lay and rest all day.

I am not ready to give up but because I always relapse without it and its insanity tkeep stopping. It just sets me back.

So oldtimers, OG's who have made it, where do I start? What are your suggestions to a youngbul trying to get
Back into a successful full life after a long road to recovery. Volunteer work? Religion? Please throw me criticism adviceor whatever..I need it like I needed my drugs. Thanks all, I live in southern US and the attitude toward addicts and recovery scene is
Less than progressive to be nice.

Looking for guidance from my fellow lighters. Peace!

 

[pastelcircus]

I would recommend applying to simple jobs- fast food, gas stations, places that will keep you safe from your triggers while also allowing you to financially support yourself and be around people.

volunteer work is an excellent idea and would give you something to keep busy with. Volunteer work also looks good on a resume (several birds with one stone).

as far as recovery goes I can personally vouch for twelve step programs. I would recommend googling narcotics anonymous as it targets and treats the broadest spectrum of substance abuse issues (as compared to say, cocaine anonymous or alcoholics anonymous, unless of course you have only abused ONE substance. It has been my experience that most addicts will abuse any substance that crosses their path, not only their drug of choice.) try to find people who have the same issues and who are all working toward the common goal of recovery and you should be good to go, as having a support system makes all the difference in the world.

anyways, best of luck and feel free to send me a pm.

you can do it!

 

[maxalfie]

Volunteering is a good idea, anything that will get you out of your house and mixing with people.
Making new friends always helps and then you make other friends through them also.
Feeling down is something you got to cope with. I used to hide my depression with heroin but now I know everybody has good days and bad days and its not worth covering those feelings with drugs.
Get outside and enjoy the simple things. Going for long walks is good exercise and therapeutic also.
I wish you all the best mate.

 

[SkagKush]

Correct me if I am wrong, but part of your question is about being on maintenance and people opinions on it?

You said that you are not ready to give up the maintenance because you are worried about relapse. In my opinion this is perfectly fine, and drugs like suboxone and methadone are there for a reason. I would not have any guilt about staying on maintenance for as long as you need. Statistically people who stay on these substitutes for longer have a higher success rate. This is due to stability growing for that person, whether it be mentally, emotionally or just a more stable way of life.

I can also vouch for programs like AA / NA, and I would suggest checking them out. Some people think they are a religious program when that is not the case. They are a spiritual program, and I found bringing a spiritual way of life into my world has helped me so very much. Sending my love to you, and wishing you well.

 

[stilesface]

I am by no means recovered nor have I made it, but I'm a work in progress. 27 days off meth 2 days off benzos and drinking. I just try to love myself to bits. All it seems I've ever done is hate on myself and everything...picture Chapelle's Player Hater's Ball..."I hate you, I hate you, I don't even know you and I hate your guts...I hope all the bad things in life happen to you and only you." But for real, everyday. I'm just honest with myself and admit my numerous flaws. And who cares? I am me, I fail, I'm flawed but I'm not any less deserving of havinv a good life than anyone else because of it. So, I'm a meth addict, alcoholic...and? I'm working on it every single day.

One day I just got good and angry that I was losing. I hate losing. And so I decided I'd had enough. I was worth a better life and no one else (society at large, family, friends, little old ladies in hats) will ever treat you any better than you think you deserve to be treated. There are a ton of people here who will have more substantial advice, but you got this if you want it.

 

[uproarious]

A big part of my daily routine is repeating positive mantras and trying to stay active.

I've repeatedly tried twelve stepping and it hasn't been successful..
(Well maybe it did help when I was newly off h, but the sponsors became disinterested and people seemed to treat me like
A traitor because of my sub regimen.)

I got tested for hep and HIV and was clean for both, I finish up a year of probation this month and finally
Got a proper state ID so maybe things are looking up. I feel like its a new dawn.
I just want to build up to new successes and accomplishments, and hope to soon reach
Full self sufficiency.

I have suffered from depression and anxiety plus ADD since a young kid.
I blame this on the over prescribed eighties babies phenom and after a life time on
And off prescription stims, the only thing that makes me feel normal is a benzo..currently
I'm prescribed alprazolam xr, but an error in scheduling my appt. Forced
Me off of it until the thirteenth when I see my psychiatrist.

Both docs I see know I'm on tex and xanax xr and allow it because
Of my suicidal past and chronic relapsing. I just hope I can tough it out
Until my next appointment. I'm running on crumbs of sub and no bnzos after
Being on them for 3 years. I couldn't believe they wouldn't call an emergency
Supply in even after I called complaining of horrific "zaps" and crippling anxiety.

I hope you guys don't look down on me because of my meds like the 12 step programs
I was involved in did. I followed their advice and tried to get off totally leading
To a horrific relapse on heroin that almost killed me.

Thanks to all who responded I really needed to know someone cared
And there were others like me. I rely on my meds for the ability to have
A normal quality of life. I plan to start a workout regimen soon, i think that will help a great deal.

Again any suggestions about lifestyle choices/changes are very welcome.

Thank you bluelight!!!

 

[stilesface]

You're doing just fine. Just keep pushing forward and I don't know that there's a singular right path. I don't know if I would have stopped the meth if I had stopped everything at once and I didn't intend to stop the drinking and benzos at all at first, it just became what was right for me. Vitamins, exercise and when it gets really bad I just remind myself that it's just the withdrawal and life will move on and get better.

You're obviously moving along. You're young and there's a whole set of kick ass life experiences out in front of you, waiting. I love to camp and I think of this summer and camping trips when I'm having a hard time. Think of things you can do when self sufficient and sober that you couldn't do before. Good luck.

 

[uproarious]

I'm starting to feel joy again..and I've already been past the "pink cloud" stage. A few weeks in and with the proper meds and diet I'm feeling pretty legit. A buddy asked me to go in on a few grams of h today and the thought of the pain made me involuntarily turn it down the idea repulsed me. Starting to think I may be growing up at 28.