I do have etaqualone to try out (carefully) when I am unaffected by anything else, and will try and get my benzo tolerance LOW too but it's hard being me right now...Really really hard.Like, almost to the point where I amthinking about my 6th attempt at taking my own life, except instead of downers, with 3 grams of potassium cyanide. So this stuff is a lifesaver.I went to my doctor again (he has given me valium and xanax in the past in LESS stressfull circumstances, but only like..... 7mg in a month, ONCE, and 50x 5mg valium, ONCE, and 15x .5mg xanax ONCE. when I had a benzo tolerance at around half of where I am now (4mg xanax to fix anxiety).
The fact this stuff is not metabolize into any known chemicals, it is water soluable if you need to IV yourself or IM shot for QUICK relief (i cant wait for the powder, I stupidly made my etizolam 1mg/ml or so, perhaps 1.5) and i cant inject straight PG, needs to be diluted to 30%! That's a huge needle if I ever needed a panic attack fix. Because when I lose it i normally end up breaking something and or someone, or myself. Although I am trying to not take benzos because i only need them every so often, which is how it should be. The reason i'm on methadone is because I was abusing opiates for their anxiety relief, not the high so much..
Love this stuff, but yeah I take 5-HTP, multivit's, L-Dopa (awesome), and phenibut (MAYBE, i have some... I hear its like benzos on w/d though, i dont need further tolerance.... research to do there!) and vitamin D every day... Anti depressants make me suicidal and i'm sick of not doing it properly, and sick of even trying it. I need to get treatment for my mental issues but all i do is get laughed at because I am honest about my self medication and drug use. But I have been diagnosed by multiple doctors and forensic psychs with BPD, BiPolar mixed traits, and ADHD in jail, with stratterra given but no continuation because GP laughs at me and no psych to contact -- I forgot the jail psychs name

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5mg dex is perfect for me, or 1-2mg xanax, or possibly 0.5-1mg fof this stuff when i have trouble/anxiety./suicidal thoughts/anger rage/ whatever. But I am drug tested and with my mental health being self treated I could end up in jail just for trying to not follow a bad path for the 6th time. (I' might make a thread in the other forum detailing my crisis and situation instead of being so vauge here). Life saving medication right now. The Health system in South Australia is FUCKED for mental health patients, especially those who self medicate and dont just slash wrists to kill themselves but eat 100's of Alpha blockers, antihistamines and 3-4grams of seroquel.... not a cry for help any more, this coming appointment on the 3rd of august with my methadone doctor who i just fond out is a psychiatrist and addiction specialist also.... he may be helpful to me, I love htis doctor anyway... doesnt treat you like a cunt scumbag junkie fuck when he knows you're there to turn your life around.