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Mental Health Pure O OCD has destroyed me

sonicwhite

sonicwhite

Bluelighter
Joined
Aug 8, 2012
Messages
2,433
Location
Oklahoma
First it started after two years of being a Christian. I started to obsesse and had a fear that I was going to hurt children.

It was awful. I kept obsessing what if I lose control and hurt a child.

Then I smoked a bowl of weed and the theme changed into God?s judgement. I kept asking myself what if I died in 05 and this is my after life.

I kept having at least three panic attacks all day. My anxiety was beyond what humans are capable of handling.

Pure O OCD Is the hardest form of OCD that can be treated. Oh well this is my lot in life.
 
Hello My Friend,

If you actually think you're sick enough to hurt a child, please get help fast.

Do you think being Christian has a main impact on your current state? If so, perhaps there are alternatives by which you can find spirit in your worldly existence.

That sounds like a terrible thing to worry about. I really like kids (in a non predatory manner, mind you). I worked with them for many years. They are so interesting, having a relatively unscathed view of life.

From my reading, the weed intensified your discomfort. Do you think it may have something to do with your panic attacks? Just trying to build off what you're saying a bit.

I have some OCD-ish tendencies, as well, but not to that extent. It's never been such that I would require a medication to help dull it.

We all have our lots. And to be honest, life is one wild roller coaster. A few years ago I'd never imagined I'd be in this place, having this life. Just in general, the good and the less-so.

So I'm reading symptoms of obsession/compulsion, disordered thoughts/reality, ferocious panic, and extreme anxiety.

One of my first questions would be: Are you using? If so, what, and how much? I know you used the weed. Was it once, or is this ongoing? Do you have access to affordable outpatient care?

Looking forward to hearing back
 
No I would never hurt a child. I would obsess whether or not I was capable. It?s called POCD. Look it up on google thats where I found out about what I was suffering I was even about to lock myself up because like you I adore children they are Gods blessings.

Than the theme change into God?s judgment.

I smoke weed I the past and it turened into religious ocd. No I would never hurt a child and I no longer suffer from that obsession.

Please google POCD Pure O type. It?s very common among ppl who have OCD. My form of it is the hardest to deal with because there?s no physical rumination.
 
Please don?t think i would ever desire to abuse child. It is a nasty obsession. I get a lot of heat talking about it cuz no one understands.

Children are the most precious thing to me.

OCD attaches itself to the things we are about the most. Unfortunately that was my first Pure O obsession.
 
I assure you and everyone too that I?m not sick of enough to hurt a child. It?s a form of OCD. Not the type of washing hands or keeping everything clean.

It?s a Pure O OCD. A child molester doesn?t worry whether they?ll hurt a child.

My faith didn?t have anything to do with it. You can google it and find many other cases talking about this form of OCD.


I no longer am afraid to be next to children. It was the worst episode besides thinking I was standing before God and be sent to hell.


Ppl just don?t understand. They think we?ll he must be some sick bastard that feeds off his desires.

It?s so stigmatized that I don?t share it but the anxiety is beyond bearable. Please just understand it is a mental disorder and not some pedo trying to share his fantasies.

I didn?t ask for any of this.
 
Okay, just checking. It's clear with you in respect to children. Same here.

As for "Pure O" OCD, I not know it.

WRT to religion, just asking.

If I made things worse, please excuse me. I'm really trying to understand, to my ability, what you're going through.

We care about people here on bl. No one hear would logically think you're a pedophile or a "sick bastard". Again, if I made things worse please excuse me.
 
No you?re fine. I just don?t talk about it anymore since I don?t deal with it anymore but I was just giving a rundown on what started all this crap.

Religious OCD tho is still there. But with benzos it knocks it completely away but docs aren?t on board to giving me one.
 
Wow, do you think they have a reason fro denying you? Seems really difficult. I've witnessed someone with really bad OCD and by his face I could tell that it really hurt.
 
Well they all just shun me. I can?t explain it. I tell them my anxiety is out of control but they seem to just let me suffer.
 
The only thing that helps is a low dose of klonopin .25 twice daily. I hate how they make me so tired.
 
One of the worst feelings imaginable is knowing how precious children are and you get hit with a thought of ?what if? I lose control and hurt a child.

I would run from them all. The feeling of guilt was beyond imagination.

Then I smoked a bowl and all of a sudden I got hit with the thought that what if I died in 05 and this is my afterlife.

That all my suffering was my eternity for never accepting Christ as my Lord and Savior.

It was worse than the kid theme


All of it was so hard. I felt a crushing anxiety and someone I knew threw two klonopin over the wall in the ward. When I took them I told myself I don?t even care if I?m at Gods judgment.

That?s when the addiction started.

I resisted for two years and my fears and anxiety caused my addiction to benzos. It?s unfortunate that the seed of God fell on land with thorns and thistles but I refuse to give up.

When I saw Christ I told Him with tears in my eyes that I would do it for Hin.
 
this sounds awful, so sorry. it needs a confidential therapist who can help and ssri's by the sound of it. much more common than you think, best of luck
 
OP, there is a show in the US called Obsessed and it documents specific ocd disorders. I watched an episode the other day of a lady with obsessive thoughts of ?what if I hurt/kill someone? and she was successfully treated. She was considered such a non-threat that the therapist made her to hold a knife to her throat to prove she wasn?t going to kill anyone.
 
It?s ironic that I was just reading over all of this.

I?m pretty much healed of the obsessive thoughts but the anxiety I have to learn how to train myself to know what is true and what is not.
 
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