Hey guys...
Thanks for the replies.
I must respectfully disagree with Mr. Severely - statements about it 'all being in your head' are simply inappropriate.
Let me try to explain.
Of course it resides within the head, but the statement seems to indicate that the level of suffering is up to the individual.
I have seen similar statements many times before.
Are we making it worse than it has to be?
Can we just make the right choices and watch our symptoms follow suit?
I strongly argue against this perspective.
Keep in mind that I have almost 10 months of experience dealing with this.
Although my studies were quite intense for the first 4 months, by 6 months I was working daily and losing interest in posting all the time.
I also continued the advice I give out - exercise all the time and eat healthy.
I tried not to focus on the negative thoughts and I kept myself busy, including socially.
I have a smoking hot wife that demands sex on a regular basis, too.
BUT, I disagree very strongly with the assertion that it is 'all in your head'.
This is not simply
mind over matter.
I have seen a trend on BL for those in recovery - there are some who suffer immensely and others who just feel 'different'.
Chitown, for example, did 800 fucking tabs and he claims that it wasn't nearly as bad as I make it out to be.
Severely likely belongs to this group as well.
I have been very confused by this difference...
What makes it tolerable for some and torture for others?
I went over all the various risk factors for myself, repeatedly.
I know without a doubt that taking a high dose of benedryl potentiated the toxic effects of the MDMA, causing a case of serotonin syndrome. But many people come out of SS without profound changes...
A couple years ago I had a VERY bad mushroom trip, bad enough that I insisted I was going to die.
This was a warning sign, but I came out of it feeling normal.
I rolled many times after this without the slightest problem.
There are no obvious genetic complications that I can surmise.
I have no serious depression or anxiety in my personal past.
After searching extensively I stumbled across several studies that I remember from my initial search.
When I saw it I did a facepalm.
Long-term heavy use of cannabis is associated with a greater risk for psychopathology in MDMA users.
While the extent of MDMA use predicts the cognitive deficit, it is the extent of cannabis use that predicts the emotional deficit.
Then I though about all the people I had come across on BL that had MAJOR problems...
Down the line, each one of them admitted to being a heavy weed smoker.
Myself? I smoked from the age of 20-28 almost daily.
Marijuana increases serotonin in the brain temporarily, but over the long-term it decreases serotonin.
Long-term use of ANY drug changes the way the brain functions, and it would appear that weed is capable of setting people up for major problems with psychedelic drugs.
Marijuana is considered to be a 'confounding' factor in MDMA research since nearly all MDMA users also smoke.
I have to admit, they are a perfect combination!
But a few researchers started to look at the extent of marijuana use, and found a definite correlation.
This doesn't mean that all heavy smokers are at HIGH risk for this type of break-down.
But it DOES mean that those who have a break-down are MUCH more likely to have been regular smokers.
Make sense?
On its own, marijuana increases the risk for schizophrenia in a big way.
If you are at risk for developing the disorder, your odds of contracting it go up 6 fold if you smoke cannabis.
Schizophrenia and MDMA psychosis share many traits in common.
They look very similar to trained professionals - anhedonia, altered speech, depression, anxiety, panic attacks, lack of interest in food, life, sex...these are all common in schizo patients.
It is believed that both disorders share a common cause - an imbalance in dopamine between the lower and higher brain regions. When the limbic system has a high level of dopamine combined with a low level of activity in the cortical regions, psychosis is the result.
It is this level of dopamine imbalance that I believe differentiates the level of emotional suffering of the MDMA user.
Marijuana use seems to increase the risk of a severe imbalance, but not for everyone.
Advice on just 'getting on with life' or 'its all in your head' makes about as much sense as if you were saying it to a truly schizophrenic patient. The imbalance is PHYSICAL in nature - the loss of serotonin activity in the frontal lobes causes a loss of dopamine, blood flow, and glucose metabolism!
Now...I feel the need to point out a strange finding.
In the beginning I was very reluctant to take tryptophan because it made the anxiety a LOT worse.
I simply put it away in favor of the Piracetam.
Then, after stopping the Piracetam at 6 months, I decided to try it again.
I was SHOCKED at how calm it made me feel.
Many of the cerebral symptoms continued, but my emotional response was NOT the same.
I simply didn't care anymore. And I slept MUCH better, quite suddenly.
Somedud has also claimed that rolling around 1 year into his recovery (not recommended) actually made his anxiety GO AWAY. He said it made his mind 'quiet' and he slept like a baby. He also said that his brain zaps went away and he felt that his progress has stopped. Eventually he got on SSRIs, which he is raving about.
My point is that supplementing with tryptophan, or taking a serotonin releaser like MDMA, or even an SSRI seems to make all the suffering go away, even in severe cases. Why this happens exactly is hard to explain, but my money would be on restoring the balance of dopamine.
Taking tryptophan or 5-HTP is safe if done by itself.
Mixing with ANY other serotonin agents is potentially dangerous, especially to those of us in recovery.
As long as you are careful, these supplement will raise your total serotonin supply.
But taking MDMA or SSRIs will actually LOWER the supply.
At first, the increased serotonin level will cause a major improvement.
But then the levels drop.
MDMA inhibits the production of more serotonin for 1-3 months.
Its no wonder that somedud started worrying about his recovery being stopped by his last roll!
Now SSRIs have transformed him into a new man...
But his dose has already been raised - because the brain adjusts.
Over time, his stores of serotonin will continue to drop, making withdrawal more and more difficult.
The question, in my opinion, is when to force withdrawal?
When has maximum benefit been attained?
How many of the new serotonin axons survive discontinuation of medication?
SSRIs can have a surprisingly negative effect - the Nucleus Acumbens can be damaged by extended periods of high prolactin levels. Dopamine receptors in this region, the pleasure center of the brain, can be down-regulated for a LONG time. Even permanently in rare cases.
So I consider SSRIs to be risky, alongside MDMA.
However, it is amazing to see the transformation of a person.
His outcome will be very important to me - I really hope for the best.
Another treatment method, for the brave - ECT.
Electro-Convulsive Therapy is considered controversial by many people, but its effectiveness is impressive.
If treated in the first year, 80% of schizophrenic patients experience a permanent recovery.
Typically, only 20% make such a recovery.
ECT has been shown to cause impressive blooming of new serotonin axons.
This is thought to happen due to an injury response by the glial cells in the brain.
The glial cells comprise HALF of the brain, by the way.
It is the glial brain that serves as the serotonin transporter - removing serotonin from the synapse between neurons.
MDMA reverses this transporter, causing a massive dump of serotonin.
This damages the transporter and the neurons.
However, the glial cells response to this injury may be a large part of the toxicity of MDMA.
Why don't the glial cells just allow the original axons to pop back up?
Because in the CNS, this just doesn't happen.
Neurons are forced to throw axons blindly about...without a guide to help them.
But certain things can cause the glial cells to emit nerve growth factors - essentially guiding the axons to new destinations.
Exercise is such a thing - releasing BDNF and stem cells into many parts of the brain.
But ECT releases a powerful wave of nerve growth factors, and it also reboots the brain by pausing the electrical activity.
A wave of calcium ions can be seen to fluctuate through the glial cells.
Enhancing these nerve growth factors is about all we can do.
That's why daily exercise is your best bet - it won't fix you, but it WILL give you influence over the process.
Short of getting ECT, it is the best bet.
Lion's Mane mushrooms looks like a good bet - mine are on order.
Alcohol is VERY bad - it destroys nerve growth factor...drink in careful moderation.
I have also had success with Acetyl-L-Carnatine.
This is an amino acid that increases dopamine and serotonin in the nucleus acumbens.
The transition is very intense and takes hours.
But at a certain point, everything comes flooding back in.
Its like it reconnects several pathways in the PFC, restoring more function than I ever imagined.
I am thoroughly impressed with the results, so I highly recommend it.
I has been studied with acute toxic doses of MDMA and it appears to offer substantial neuroprotection.
It helps brain cells to intake more fatty acids and it probably improves the transporters ability to protect itself.
In normal dosing, the glial cells are able to cope with the excess serotonin - it is through repeated dosing that all protective measures are exhausted. Then peroxide radicals are formed out of dead mitochondria!
Perhaps the ALCAR can restore some of the damaged gene expression.
Perhaps we should just sign up for the shocker!
I'm considering it. :-\
Inbox cleared - so let me know if you have any questions.
Good luck and keep up the exercise.