• ✍️ WORDS ✍️

    Welcome Guest!

  • Words Moderators: Shambles

public service announcement

onetwothreefour

onetwothreefour

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Oct 13, 2002
Messages
14,382
Location
Melbourne, Australia
the chameleon changed colours don't help.
cue: applause now, please.
....... can everybody clap now. yes,
....... that's right. oh no, you. row
....... four middle white shirt blue
....... writing. stop. get out. you're
....... wrong.

scuttle backwards, the wheel glued jams
in the mud. slippery surface helps hold,
it thickens, wry grin in the dark.
....... i'm sure we spoke before. you
....... mustn't act like this
....... or else everybody will like you,
....... remember? you'll never learn.

fumble forwards and glance behind while
lemon stares taunt with hindsight in
hospital-lit blindness.
....... you knew this already though,
....... didn't you. don't reproach us
....... now, just because you never
....... bothered to listen before when
....... we gave you the option.

the tunnel widens ahead, deceptively.
everyone calls from the light 'i love
you' or 'it's okay' or 'keep trying'.
but it's pointless.
....... give up. just give up

but i'm still here.
spite is a powerful motive.
 
Last edited:
I love the theatre of it, you really get drawn in, it's very relevant for me right, now scarily so for a moment ;) excellent :)
 
thanks all, but i actually don't like this much at all. plus i repeated words *two* times in direct vicinity of each other.

i'm gonna go back and edit it now, and see if i can come up with anything a little better (note to self: post less poetry in words forum when horribly drunk ;)).
 
i read this piece of yours before and really couldn't tell you why i never commented on it up until now.

anyway, i do like it, but what shines through brightest in this piece for me and which i admire, is your willingness to experiment and play around with the creative process... you truly seem comfortable in difference and your difference never comes across as at all forced, which overall- imo- is a fantastic characteristic for any artist to posses.

it may not be my favorite piece of yours that i've read but that's definitely not because i dont think that its good, just personal taste. but as i've said the most admirable quality here for me is the way that this work shows me just how diverse your writing is; both in style and subject matter.
 
It was good. or is good, sorry I'm feeling a little too tense to write any comments.... I'm sorry.

But seriously I gave you a nudge that you may have needed and look now, you have talent to do great things with words and although this bit of praise may not be entirely appropriate you'll still understand when I say that this piece of writing was "pimpin'", go 1234, go!
 
"pimpin'," eh?

rockin'.

;)

nah, thanks. and yes, i'd never bothered, really (some very sleight pieces before) till you said i should, so ta. "talent" and "great" might be (are) excessive, but who am i to refuse a compliment?

dreamtime: muchly appreciated. i agree; it's *definitely* not one of my best pieces (i don't like it much at all, tbh), but hopefully it means that the next time i write something similar it flows a little better, a little more naturally.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top