PTSD - terrified my fiancé and I will drag each other down

[Pagey]

Hey,
So almost 2 weeks ago my fiancé and I overdosed on aMT. We were brought to the hospital both having unending seizures with a fever around 42°C, delirium, tachycardia etc. His heart ended up stopping a few times while I needed to be intubated.
Luckily there's been no lasting physical damage and we've both promised each other never to touch drugs again. Obviously when we got out of hospital we were incredibly shaken up but it's been getting more and more traumatic since.
I'm seeing his dying face everywhere, I feel ashamed when I walk down the street to the point where I'm starting to avoid human interaction, I have constant panic attacks, insomnia and I've stopped eating because somehow I feel like if I get skinnier it'll make me disappear.
According to my therapist I've got PTSD. Anyway, we're working on it and up until yesterday I didn't feel too, too desperate about things at all, because I was still taking care of myself as best I could for my fiancé, still managing to have fun for him, making myself eat for him, etc. Mostly because I thought (and he told me) that he was doing fine after everything that happened, so I wanted to put it behind me so that we could both move on.

Anyway, I saw him last night (we live in different cities and only see each other on the week-ends) and he suddenly broke down a bit and made it very clear he's not okay in the slightest...it really scared me. We've been together almost a year and I've never seen him lose it like that. He called a doctor today and said he'd get an appointment with a therapist after we talked it through but I'm so fucking terrified that as soon as I leave he's going to just fall into total depression, and if he does I know I won't be able to keep up a front, and then I can just see the whole thing spiraling down completely.

I have no idea what to do. I've been lying next to him trying to fall asleep the past hour and all I can think about is how bleak the future seems for us now. We're planning our wedding at the minute and even the thought of that doesn't cheer me up in the slightest right now. I'm really, really scared and really, really worried about him.

Any help or comments would be great

 

[One Thousand Words]

You're alive, that's more of a future than the alternative.

You had a reality check and it's normal to be scared. You can accept the labels that your therapist gives you, or simply realise it has taken nearly dying to force you to grow up.

I doubt anyone wouldn't be scared after what you went through, but at least you do have each other. I'd like to say things will get better but I really wouldn't know from experience. I'm sure mr science is strong enough to go on during the week without you. The routine of work and study may be tough to begin with but it has only been two weeks. The real test will be when your experience starts to fade into the past and you want to start using again.

My only advise would be to be grateful for a second chance together, ride the highs and low together and keep faith that you are alive and well with everything still ahead of you.

 

[T. Calderone]

I'm glad to hear you're both alright and of course you're both shaken by the incident. This is the time to lean on each other as opposed to trying to tough it out in silence. Look at it like this: there is a reason you both survived. If he hadn't broken down, you would still keep up the charade that everything's ok.

Keep going to your counselor and make sure he follows through as well. As far as drugs go, are you both serious about no more drugs whatsoever? Right now this is all very fresh and easy to swear them all off. You can look at this as your wake up call and I agree with OTW, be grateful you've got a second chance.

 

[herbavore]

Hey, Pagey, I read about your experience over in EADD and it sounded terrifying. It makes total sense that you would both be in a very fragile state because you nearly died. If you look at this fear that you are going through now as the direct consequence of nearly losing your life it makes perfect sense--in other words I would worry more if neither of you were struggling with it! Letting him see your fear and him sharing his with you openly will strengthen your bond and conversely, hiding it will weaken it. Don't try to "be strong" for each other if it means denying your feelings. Just give each other permission and the space to heal and learn and grow from this and it may turn out to be a very positive experience for both of you. Take care.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

Stay strong hun, don't let the negative feelings and emotions overtake your life.



You can always send me a message when the panic attacks and flashbacks get bad, because I've been there too many times myself.