Hi everyone, not sure if this is the right place to post this but I've put off posting this for a while now so here it goes anyway...
So i'm a 20 y/o male and 7 Months ago had an experience that really shook me up pretty badly, rightly so as I had been so so reckless in my actions. I had taken 2 drops of what I thought was LSD (150mics), on a pretty nasty hangover and an empty stomach, I know, fucking retarded. So anyway, started the night at a music thingy that none of us were feeling too comfortable at so we left and went for a walk, walked around being stupid and doing silly shit like you do but then it all dawned on me suddenly that we were going to have to go back to my place to stay and obviously this was worrying me as I was tripping balls, and from then on all I experienced was what I can imagine was a bad trip. So we got back to mine, and I thought my friends (who had all dropped too) were trying to drain me of power or kill me or something, thought one of them was even the devil, extreme paranoia set in, insecurities glowing. So I ended up staying awake all night to try and stop them killing me? Dumb I know, so they all left the next day and I was in my house with my family...
Still tripping balls I was at least able to realise this and so (in a house that I didn't have a room in due to parents moving while I was at university) swiftly asked to go lie down in someone's bed and asked no one to disturb me... At this point everytime I shut the door voices in my head were going fucking insane, it was like some sort of feed from other peoples thoughts, or at least thats how I viewed it, or as if everyone was watching this show and it was about me, they were observing me or something... So I shut my eyes, heard the ringing of church bells everytime and that scatted me out.
At this point I think it's probably worth mentioning that I had slightly forgotten that I'd taken the acid and so was not able to try and give in to it, it was more like I was clinging on for my life, which I realise I definitely shouldn't have done, but was not in a state of mind to just let go at that point.
So my mum ends up walking in and immediately knew something was up, so her and my step dad come and start questioning me, what is it? where is it? I can't stop thinking "oh why, do you want some?" it was as if everyone did lsd and that I just couldn't, so they were asking who would've sold that to YOU etc etc. extreme paranoia I know. There was one other thing, I'd occasionally try and watch the TV but everytime I walked into the room with the TV i could see this figure on the tv peering round the corner, if I moved in to sit down, so would the figure on TV, the thing is... there was a noose in the middle of the room and when I'd sit down and start watching, he'd get closer and closer to that, and if i walked out, further away, anyone have any insight into what that could have been signifying? because that almost felt like me hallucinating trying to tell myself to calm the fuck down and enjoy the trip go with it etc etc.
So yeah 7 months on from this, and for the majority of the time (except the first 2 weeks after this) I've settled back into "reality" nicely enough, howeever there are very prominent moments where I will read something or hear someone talk about something and it will trigger me to enter this extremely anxious mind frame, and I immediately get brought back to this depressive sense of I'm missing something big, there's something going on here that I have no idea about etc, I get these existential crises that seem more like it's just me, the worst thing is that it all feels SO selfish and wrong but when I'm in that state of mind it takes a hold... These don't control my life thankfully, smoking maryjane helps calm it all down a bit, I do have a feeling that smoking ain't the best thing to do about it though, but after long days at work its just... You know...
Anyway I really appreciate anyone taking the time to read this as it's something I've kept bottled up for a while and would like to hear some opinions on how I should go about managing this, cheers guys.
Edit: I'd also like to add a little background sorry, like that I have realised I'm quite a suggestible person so thinking about the situation seems to make it a lot worse as I convince myself that there's more wrong than there is, I also suffer from quite bad social anxiety when I'm tired, or at least that's what I think it is. I smoke quite a lot of weed, I feel that smoking haze makes me worse however cheese and more numbing strains seem to help... I've quit before but have only reached the conclusion that it's not the weed that's making me feel like I do, and that I do still enjoy smoking it? I've also dropped a fair few times before this, and experienced similar but not so extreme effects, and obviously I've had times when I've really enjoyed it.
So i'm a 20 y/o male and 7 Months ago had an experience that really shook me up pretty badly, rightly so as I had been so so reckless in my actions. I had taken 2 drops of what I thought was LSD (150mics), on a pretty nasty hangover and an empty stomach, I know, fucking retarded. So anyway, started the night at a music thingy that none of us were feeling too comfortable at so we left and went for a walk, walked around being stupid and doing silly shit like you do but then it all dawned on me suddenly that we were going to have to go back to my place to stay and obviously this was worrying me as I was tripping balls, and from then on all I experienced was what I can imagine was a bad trip. So we got back to mine, and I thought my friends (who had all dropped too) were trying to drain me of power or kill me or something, thought one of them was even the devil, extreme paranoia set in, insecurities glowing. So I ended up staying awake all night to try and stop them killing me? Dumb I know, so they all left the next day and I was in my house with my family...
Still tripping balls I was at least able to realise this and so (in a house that I didn't have a room in due to parents moving while I was at university) swiftly asked to go lie down in someone's bed and asked no one to disturb me... At this point everytime I shut the door voices in my head were going fucking insane, it was like some sort of feed from other peoples thoughts, or at least thats how I viewed it, or as if everyone was watching this show and it was about me, they were observing me or something... So I shut my eyes, heard the ringing of church bells everytime and that scatted me out.
At this point I think it's probably worth mentioning that I had slightly forgotten that I'd taken the acid and so was not able to try and give in to it, it was more like I was clinging on for my life, which I realise I definitely shouldn't have done, but was not in a state of mind to just let go at that point.
So my mum ends up walking in and immediately knew something was up, so her and my step dad come and start questioning me, what is it? where is it? I can't stop thinking "oh why, do you want some?" it was as if everyone did lsd and that I just couldn't, so they were asking who would've sold that to YOU etc etc. extreme paranoia I know. There was one other thing, I'd occasionally try and watch the TV but everytime I walked into the room with the TV i could see this figure on the tv peering round the corner, if I moved in to sit down, so would the figure on TV, the thing is... there was a noose in the middle of the room and when I'd sit down and start watching, he'd get closer and closer to that, and if i walked out, further away, anyone have any insight into what that could have been signifying? because that almost felt like me hallucinating trying to tell myself to calm the fuck down and enjoy the trip go with it etc etc.
So yeah 7 months on from this, and for the majority of the time (except the first 2 weeks after this) I've settled back into "reality" nicely enough, howeever there are very prominent moments where I will read something or hear someone talk about something and it will trigger me to enter this extremely anxious mind frame, and I immediately get brought back to this depressive sense of I'm missing something big, there's something going on here that I have no idea about etc, I get these existential crises that seem more like it's just me, the worst thing is that it all feels SO selfish and wrong but when I'm in that state of mind it takes a hold... These don't control my life thankfully, smoking maryjane helps calm it all down a bit, I do have a feeling that smoking ain't the best thing to do about it though, but after long days at work its just... You know...
Anyway I really appreciate anyone taking the time to read this as it's something I've kept bottled up for a while and would like to hear some opinions on how I should go about managing this, cheers guys.
Edit: I'd also like to add a little background sorry, like that I have realised I'm quite a suggestible person so thinking about the situation seems to make it a lot worse as I convince myself that there's more wrong than there is, I also suffer from quite bad social anxiety when I'm tired, or at least that's what I think it is. I smoke quite a lot of weed, I feel that smoking haze makes me worse however cheese and more numbing strains seem to help... I've quit before but have only reached the conclusion that it's not the weed that's making me feel like I do, and that I do still enjoy smoking it? I've also dropped a fair few times before this, and experienced similar but not so extreme effects, and obviously I've had times when I've really enjoyed it.
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