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Psychotic Attack Since Cannabis Use

Divine Moments said:
You can't "man up" and "get over" schizophrenia.
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Schizophrenics have a notorious tendency to be most paranoid of those attempting to help them, or dispell their illusions. They will never internally admit that their hallucinations or delusions aren't real; they consider them more real than consensus reality. You can technically "man up" and start ignoring your own false memories, your own visual and auditory hallucinations, and delusional ideas and just listen to the professionals trying to help you. The symptoms of schizophrenia regress the more a schizophrenic trusts the doctors and their family and the less they trust themselves. Schizophrenics tend to have a strong faith in ego boundaries though, and think of everything in terms of me vs. world, us vs. them, good vs. evil. Usually, if you try to expose a schizophrenic to his delusions, he lumps you in with all the other evil people.
 
It's all still confusing to me, but I'll try to describe the amount of damage over time that I've had.

It all started in university, I stayed in the dorms and had a roommate. My roommate basically hotboxed our entire apartment for practically the entire semester. I would literally wake up to thick clouds of marijuana smoke. Don't get me wrong, before I had a mental disorder, I thought it was hella cool. I love the smell and just downright smoking the stuff all together.

The first thing I noticed was depression. I had uncontrollable series of flashbacks to my past where I relived my most painful moments in life, whether it was embarrasment or heartbreak. Then it lead to bipolar type of thoughts, I was extremely happy at some points and dreadfully depressed at another. Don't get me wrong I was getting A's in university in the beginning that's why I thought it was just natural that I was extremely happy then. Also, whenever I get depressed I always self-medicated by doing things that made me happy, thus the cycle.

After a while, I moved out of my old dorm unit and moved into a single living suite where I was just living on my own. Bad idea. My problem had continued and had gotten worse. Now instead of mild depression and bipolar reactions. I was also seeing "shadow people" at certain times. Now the funny thing about this one was that there have been moments in my childhood were I really did see shadows all around me, staring. So I just ignored this part and continued with my life.

After a while, school was done and I went back home. Unfortunately, my big time drug dealer friend heard about this and decided to party it up with me. I know this may seem like a good thing but the guy really was just baiting for a new customer. We smoked it up for days on end, hotboxed, mixed drugs etc. Now here's where things get worse. I was starting to "hear" past conversations with people and they were mostly painful conversations too. I couldn't control it, I would just hear voices uncontrollably. While I was eating, watching tv, or doing anything else. Also my parents tell me that my actions were becoming erratic, I wouldn't believe them at the time. But of course I wouldn't believe them because I had my own reasoning. I was back from university, I had free time and I was basically in chill mode. All I really did was sleep, eat and chill with people at certain points. According to them, I had become erratic and anti-social, my room was messy, I didn't take baths anymore and I became more aggressive than usual.

Oh, I forgot to mention but while I was in university, I had this hallucination where people were out to get me and that everyone was against me. It's painfully annoying because it starts out as the TRUTH but is then interwoven into lies. Now this hallucination it starts out simple enough, as a memory that gangsters had targeted my family in the past and mostly everyone in my family had gotten raped or physically assaulted. It was disturbing to say the least, but what I hated the most was the paranoia. I literally saw everyone as my enemy, or if not my enemy someone that didn't want to help me. Over time this hallucination would get worse and I was actually thinking of taking it to the next level and I started planning on hunting down people and getting even in some ways. I'd like to describe further on this but I can't, it's just too blurry now that I'm on medication and am better for it. Oh, at it's worst point, things in my head rhymed and they kept repeating themselves. And there was this most annoying voice that kept telling me that people hated me and they screwed me over etc. etc.

I tried to battle my condition mostly with time, I thought to myself a little detox is probably all I need, but the more I thought the more the condition would get worse. Things didn't get better until I was mentally institutionalized by my parents and the police. They forced me into the hospital and to be put on medications, in my case Risperidal. After that the voices all started disappearing, and I started thinking less about the past or the future and my overall demeanor was much nicer. Considering that I am better and still getting better, I don't plan or want to be dependent on my parents any longer so therefore I'm striving to finish up on college and live on my own. I have plans and I think for as long as I'm on medication I'll actually get on them.

Oh, one other thing I wanted to emphasize on. My condition, it was like a graph. It increased and decreased systematically. Risperidal actually makes me kind of stir crazy, I just want to walk back and forth. It calms me down, I think it helps, I'm not sure.

I hope that made sense. Sorry all for making you read all of that, I needed to get that out of me and to get some opinions on it.
 
Oh, I also forgot to mention. Because I thought everyone was against me, I felt angry and hateful. It made me want to get even with people, this led to me physically assaulting my parents and walking around with knives in my hands. I also made several indentations on the walls. It also led to me being kicked out of the house several times.

Of course, at the time I was confused and hateful as to why I was kicked out of the house. It made no sense, didn't my parents care about me enough to understand that something was wrong? When they sent me to the hospital, I think they did care alot.
 
KingdomCome, did you ever try explaining the plot to your parents, teachers, peers, etc. about how everyone was against you? Or did you keep these thoughts to yourself?
 
Holy hell no, it sounded like the craziest thing.

At a peak of it, I explained it to my two older siblings and they thought I was crazy. I'm guessing they told my parents.

I tried to keep things mostly to myself and people still found me insane.
 
Thanks for sharing your story KindomCome. This has a lot of value for anyone with potential for your condition.

It sounds like you're still young (late twenties maybe?) or you have at least come to terms with your condition remarkably well. Many people in your shoes have gone too long without help, and are not able to articulate the truths in their lives so well as you just did. It is refreshing to see someone getting the help they need at the appropriate time. If you feel you want to go back to school, I say go for it. Stay on the treatment you have and continue to live your life well.
 
I'm actually in my early 20's, I wasted at least 2 years of my life because of my condition. I was literally just a vegetable wasting away at home. I hope this never happens again to somebody else. People with signs of Schizophrenia should be aware of their conditions and try not to touch anything that might worsen their symptoms.
 
KingdomCome said:
People with signs of Schizophrenia should be aware of their conditions and try not to touch anything that might worsen their symptoms.
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Very true. Unfortunately that "anything" really can be almost anything. Most drugs or dramatic events in life will trigger this type of condition to arise IME. That's why I believe it to be so important to catch and treat it at a young age as yourself King. Keep up the good work.
 
Your experience sounds alot like mine Kingdom. I went through the same sort of thing except that I had been diagnosed with Bi-Polar very young.
Bud I think brought my schizophrenia out of dormancy and I was on respiredrol (however you spell it) as well but hated it so at the moment i'm on abilify. Anti psychotics are shit because of the side effects they cause.

So yeah basically I reckon bud did bring my schizophrenia out, I did alot of crazy shit before I sought help, I punched a hole through my wall once and threated my sisters friend with a knife because I was so sure she was stealing from me. But in a way i'm glad I have schizophrenia and Bi-polar.

I view bi-polar as an incredible gift because when i'm feeling manic I write so much stuff (want to be an author) and just have so much creativity it's almost overpowering. Schizophrenia I hate for what it's done to those around me and how much it must have tormented them but I think it's made me into a much more understanding person of other peoples illnesses and how they cope with them.
So I am in a sick sort of way grateful that me smoking bud (may) have caused these mental illnesses in me because I like being unique and having unique experiences that only a select few can really understand
 
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Divine Moments said:
Terrible, terrible advice. It is well-established that schizophrenia is more common in long-term cannabis users, whether it is the cause or not. You can't "man up" and "get over" schizophrenia.

That said I'd need more info from the OP to be convinced he has it.
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I used to be dead-on convinced that I had schizophrenia.
And I had convinced myself that I was schizophrenic by looking up all the symptoms on wikipedia and essentially began to subconsciously mimic those symptoms.
So much so that a State mental institution's DSM-IV diagnostic test couldn't differentiate between my psychotic symptoms and my panic-disorder symptoms.

To avoid giving me the black label - the scarlet letter - the permanent diagnosis of "Schizophrenic" (which would have ruined my life and most opportunities in life), my psychiatrist decided to just treat me as if I had anxiety disorders.

He put me on 200mg of Zoloft while I was staying in a mental health ward for 2 months --

After a complex medicinal schedule of benzodiazepines (switching from 4mg/day klonopin to 2mg/day ativan and rapidly working down the dose on the ativan) and TCAs for two weeks, then transitioning to a month long period of "no medicine" (so the doctor could get a rough estimate of what my cognition was like at 'baseline') I was switched over to SSRIs (even though I pleaded with the doctor that I finally felt normal again after a month of sobriety, and I didn't want to go back to that anti-depressant shit) because there was a lot of protocol pressure on the doc to put me on "at least something for anxiety" since I had come in to the hospital on such a plethora of medications that it didn't feel right to them to let me leave on nothing at all

--my symptoms showed a complete reversal; and it was deemed that I was merely suffering from panic disorder and obsessive-compulsive disorder (accompanied with dysphoria resulting from prolonged & excessive drug use of almost every type of drug that exists).



Paradoxically, after my symptoms of psychosis had subsided it was actually decided that I should be prescribed amphetamine for ADD-esque symptoms. And miraculously, it worked while causing minimal negative effects on my cognition.

Then, I was set back out into the world, I got back into drinking/drugs and fucked my sleep schedule up, and guess what? I landed right back where I started: freaking out thinking that I was going insane and/or becoming schizophrenic.

So some word of advice to anyone who THINKS they are going schizophrenic:
Stop using drugs for a month or two - and I mean ALL drugs; no caffeine, no alcohol, and -if you can handle it- no nicotine.
During these 2 months of sobriety, its going to hurt for the first two weeks. You might even get very VERY depressed and anxious. But just perservere - eat right, get some fucking sleep (NORMAL sleep mind you, not odd hours of the day), and hell, maybe even get a pet animal like a cat or a dog to establish some sense of responsibility and authority in your head.

And if you don't feel relatively "normal" again after those two months, then go ahead and let yourself get sucked into the shitty ass mental-health system which our society provides -- get locked into a downward spiral of medical bills and therapeutic addictions; While you're at it, you might as well just sign your soul over to Satan and lubricate your anal sphincter in preparation for penetration.

I had a miracle worker for a psychiatrist (after going through roughly a dozen other psychiatrists). Do you think you'll be so lucky?

From my Heart with much sincerety,
- SpunkySkunk347 <3

PS, my paternal grandfather has schizophrenia - but this is because in Vietnam, he was trapped in the basement of a bombed building for 3 days without food or water.
 
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Damn Kingdom Come I just had quite a scare because a lot of what I have experienced is similar to what you described. I even went through a phase of my childhood where i saw 'shadow people', although I have never seen them since. I saw them, like every night in the dark while falling asleep, static people roaming around the halls. When I first started blazing 7 years ago, cannabis would get me right fucked and put my in a psychedelic wonderland where I would be a giggling maniac, but for many years now it has provided me with a quiet, introspective state of mind where I am more spirtually in tune with reality. I can also become quite paranoid and blame the world for my current situation, and think everyone is out to get me and sees me as a fuck up, an addicted cannabis user who is just plain 'out of it', even though I feel like I exist at a higher level of awareness than most people and can appreciate life to a greater degree. I really should be social, but I'm not really all that social. Unless I'm taking stimulants or mdma, the use of which I finally have under control. Or I am around other 'semi-enlightened' people who can partake in abstract conversations about reality.

My mood is somewhat erratic; I am generally happy but I definately go through depressive phases. For a while I have understood these depressive moods as an unsatisfied ego, that will eventually clear up when my situation picks up. Because I have a good degree I just haven't started working yet so I'm broke, can't always afford to smoke weed all day anymore, and don't get laid enough. But, like, I get REALLY angry at the world about some of these problems, and it's fucking me up and making it hard for me to choose to be successful and happy, and it's really just a choice at this point. I could have it all but I'm delusional that there is something wrong with me because I've been a lonely stoner for so long and it seems like I'm so different from most people now. It usually occurs when I am out of cannabis as well, I can become a miserable fucking freak sometimes. But usually I'm happy and chill, I've been stoned off high quality marijuana for weeks and haven't has any depressive phases but I also haven't accomplished much or so I feel.

Really it all seems like an illusion to me sometimes. The whole 'social constructs put in place for survival area' where most people spend their whole lives without thinking outside the box like I do. Should I really be an engineer and participate in a fucked up society, building all this crazy technology that I personally feel is unnecessary and harmful to the Earth? Just be a pawn for some capitalist enterprise?

I often don't know what the hell to do with myself because I don't have any responsibilities. I need to become an engineer but haven't really been trying to hard to find a job. Instead, I pretty much do physical activities while stoned all day and thinking about life by myself. I also can relate to what you said about being delusional about how it's whacked your parents don't even understand you are on this crazy spiritual path and they just see me as a burnout. Which, I guess I pretty much am at this point.

The only reason I still smoke pot is because I know that I am Pure Goodness inside, we are here to love, and I really think smoking pot makes me a more compassionate person who really wants to form significant emotional connections with people. I think the problem is our messed up society, not me. Like, people are just so influenced by the media and shit and seems like they are driven by desires without even being aware of it. And when I smoke I become aware that it's all an illusion, and I exist someplace else where it's peaceful and simple. Come on, we're on a higher level than animals here, with these crazy brains of ours.
 
Huaca said:
If you don't go to a shrink, you won't get that diagnosis. Everybody is a little crazy anyway. Just think how much worse you would be if you didn't use cannabis. Anyway, I wouldn't listen to some doctor. Listen to your body, what's it telling you?
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Yeah right, when it comes to serious mental disorders, Cannabis will only worsen the problem.


I'm downright appalled by your ignorance. No way on earth would I ever be retarded enough to think I know more than a doctor. For the safety of other people on here, quit posting.
 
Huaca said:
Big pharma wants to maintain its monopoly over its patented factory drugs to the exclusion of nonpatentable herbs like cannabis. They are still inventing "diseases" for their latest drugs. Antipsychotic drugs (SSRI crap) will make you crazy, or at least get you addicted. This "modern" medical monopoly administered by AMA and FDA is taking billions of people's dollars to make these same people sick. If you want to be healthy avoid doctors, unless you need to be stitched up or have a broken bone set. Also ignore the fucking food pyramid. Eats lots of fatty meat and eggs and butter. No artificial diet crap. Cut way back on carbs too. I'm pushing 60 and am still strong and healthy, no big belly either.
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Wow, as if that 1st post didn't make you seem retarded enough, this one surely put the nails on the coffin.
 
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