SuperPsych
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Apr 29, 2012
- Messages
- 1,063
As I was writing this I meant for it to be a discussion thread in BDD, however, I was writing it while on Adderall, and it turned into a trip report, so here we are.
I suppose that I will start this thread off with a small amount of background : I have just turned 19, and I consider myself pretty experienced with psychoactive substances. At this point I have tried 45+ psychoactives, and I have tried most of those substances multiple times. Through my drug use I have experienced drug induced psychosis and delirium quite a few times, ranging from quite mild delirium to full blown psychosis. The drugs that I have experienced it through are
Diphenhydramine / Dimenhydrinate: More times than I'd like to admit. I went through a bit of a phase a couple years ago. Probably 35+ times. It was always the couch-locked delirium, seeing bugs fly around, hearing people whisper my name, and listening to 2 people outside my window who never shut up. It was never very threatening or scary for me, just a whole lot of neutral.
A-PVP: I was feeling myself slip into psychosis after being up for only 20 hours, I was dosing for about 11. I eventually wised up, stopped dosing, put the foil away, and rode it out. I never slipped into full psychosis, but I did have that general feeling that there was 'something' aware of me, possibly trying to get me. I must have thought it was the cars because I had to keep looking out of the damn window every time one drove by. However, I was aware the whole time that I was just slipping into psychosis and that none of what I was feeling was real.
I also experienced strong delirium on two incredibly embarrassing combos. Keep in mind that I was younger, and I was in a place mentally where any altered state of mind was better than being sober. The 2 combos were:
Methamphetamine dosed orally, sold to me as MDMA. It was my first and only time with Meth, so needless to say that it was absolutely wonderful, until the comedown hit. My friend and I were getting very moreish, and foolishly dosed ~200-300mg of DXM. That made us feel surrounded by entities, but they weren't threatening or anything, just a 'lil spooky. After the DXM wore off, we just felt sleep deprived. Didn't feel very delirious or psychotic, just really slow mentally and the occasional street sign would look like a person at a quick glance. I got to sleep after about 36 hours awake
The other is an even more embarrassing combo. Not a single person on earth would think that this is a good combo, I'm still not sure what I was thinking. One night my good friend was staying the night. We were both depressed at the time, and would kind of bounce our drug use off of one another. Being 17 it consisted mostly of DXM, since he was on probation at the time. We started off the day with about 300 or so Morning Glory seeds, which were thrown up about 1 hour later. We achieved some fairly mild effects, and about 6 hours later we felt the effects start to fade. We walked to the store and got some DXM products. We both consumed 200-400mg (can't remember much from the night) over the course of 2 hours or so. We reached the peak and decided that we weren't high enough, so we took 12-20 Benadryl each. That kicked in and I was instantly delirious. I was shaking uncontrollably. I'd not out then snap out of it babbling to myself. I'd see my friend who was actually there sitting next to me, and another one of him standing on my bed or in the doorway. This resulted in a lot of confusion. I eventually passed out. He eventually followed after he was done talking nonsense to a hallucination of me.
Okay! Now to the main point of this thread! I hope that if you put up all of my nonsense, that you at least enjoyed it
I always kind of had a sort of macabre fascination with delirium, and I still do. When I feel the psychosis coming on, I often don't fight it. I'll look down hallways, or into dark rooms, etcetera, seeing if I cant see a little bit of something. I'll think of something and see if I can make myself actually see it. I can usually feel stimulant psychosis kicking in after being up for 20 hours or so, then it kicks in more intensely between hours 30-34 (depending on the substance, doses, and how frequently I dose). The last 2 times that I have gone delirious have been completely opposite experiences, and has increased my interest in stimulant psychosis, especially the differences in psychosis caused by dopamine releasing drugs, and serotonin releasing drugs. Here are the two experiences that piqued my interest.
The most recent experience was with Adderall. My girlfriend, I'll call her 'O' and I started dosing around 3pm or so and started off with ~25mg. I wish I remembered our dosing schedule. All that I know is that we redosed when we felt that it was needed, and by 6pm the next night, we had each taken a total of 120mg of Dextroamphetamine. It was around 8pm if I remember right. 'O' was making dinner and I was keeping her company in the kitchen, when I started to get that little, familiar strange feeling. I usually seem to be the first to go between 'O' and I when it comes to stimulant psychosis. By 11pm I was in psychosis. The most menacing, paranoid form of psychosis that I have ever been in. I constantly felt that I was being watched, by some sort of being, some sort of entity. It wasn't the shadow people and creatures out to get me. It was some sort of greater being sending its minions out to scare me, to try and break me. I knew the whole time that none of it was real, that it was all in my head, but that didn't help a single bit. I also got some of the craziest hallucinations that I have ever gotten, and I have done my fair share of psychedelics, dissociatives, deleriants, and have had a few goes with stimulant psychosis before. We have a picture of the 'Abbey Road' album cover on the wall. When I looked at it all four members started dancing and swinging their arms, then out of nowhere more people started walking into the scene and started dancing. They eventually had quite the team of backup dancers. This all ended when George Harrison got hit by a car and died. The other vision I had that really sticks out in my memory was in the bathroom. I was relieving myself, looking down at the toilet bowl when I saw, climbing up the outer edge of the curved bowl, a small man. Not just any small man though, a Swiss alphorn playing mountaineer (like in the Ricola commercials), and I could very vividly hear him yodeling. I went back into the room and eventually got to sleep.
The other experience was on the 3rd night of a 4-FA binge. 'O' and I were in our room, and we we're feeling pretty good for it being the third night. we had just taken our booster of about 90mg. If I had to guess, I would say that we each did roughly 500-600mg over the course of the 3 nights. We we're feeling pretty good, until the booster kick in. I believe that the small booster just sent us over the edge. We started seeing the bugs, then the shadows, and then soon enough we were no longer in controll of our actions. Just for a little bit of background, it was about 3am, in a relatively small house and her father was sleeping in the next room. This was a strange sort of delirium that I had never felt before. First of all, it was fun as hell! We felt like kids again! Everything was new and exciting. After spending a bit of time in the room, I completely irresponsibly make the suggestion that we explore the house. We go into the living room, and I see a head sitting on a chair (in reality it was a plastic bag). We both look out the window and see a male, anywhere from 12-16 years old, and he just stares at us. We decide that we are bored with this stranger and do more exploring. We go into the kitchen and we hear music coming from the other room (Classical music, creepy as hell). we run around the house for about an hour, having a blast, enjoying the shared hallucinations. This was 'O's first time with any sort of delirium, so it was very new for her. At this point we both had a bit of sanity, we were still more or less aware that this wasnt real. Eventually it got to the point where I would start joking around with the shadow people , or as I referred to them 'My homies'. The shadow people were not at all threatening nor startling this time. They were either completely neutral, or they had a positive 'personality'. They were friendly. I would play games with them and they would play games with me. The real breaking point, so to speak, was when 'O' and I were standing in the kitchen. I was looking out into the living room at the 3 'homies' sitting on the couch. Ever since I first saw them (At this point I had been seeing them for 15 minutes or so), I cracked myself up by telling them out loud "I look like I got candy? I aint got no candy!". I kept saying that because they would stare at me, no matter where I went. If you guys have seen the show Trailer Park Boys, then you know where I got the candy line from. 'O' thought this was funny as well, for the first little bit, but once we were in the kitchen and I continued, she noticed that I was getting more and more involved with them. She saw me making the transition into full blown delirium. She grabbed me and said "Dont talk to them! The more that you talk to them, the more real they're gonna get!". At this point I was pretty much psychotic. I didnt believe her, they were my friends! How dare she tell me not to have fun with them! She pleaded one more time, and I snapped back into semi-reality, and I realized what was happening. I saw the fear and worry in her face, and I agreed to make it quickly into the bedroom. That little moment caused me to have an emotional breakdown. I cried and cried. I just could not believe that I had caused her so much worry and fear. I was incredibly scared lying in the bed. I cried because I felt that I had hurt her, that I had done her wrong, and I cried because I was in the grips of something so powerful, that it could take absolute control over me. Remember the entity that was sending its minions after me when I took Adderall? Well it made an appearance here. I felt completely and absolutely manipulated and abused. I felt that it had taken control of me, used me to hurt the person that I love the most, that I care so deeply for. I was extremely saddened that it had one. It was stronger than me, it was going to use me to destroy her, and there was not a single thing at all that I could do about it. As I finished up my crying session, I started talking to 'O' and she started to make me feel a bit better. After a little while longer I'm having fun again. Pretty ass backwards, I know. I have another genius idea "Let's smoke some weed! It'll make the visuals stronger!". 'O' was enjoying the experience, and was more than willing to smoke. We open up the windows in our room as wide as they'll go and we start smoking it. With every hit we laugh harder and harder, playing games with the many friends of ours outside. I saw them in the trees, I saw them standing 5 feet infront of me. They were all very friendly still. We would watch them, interact with them. "Hey! I know you're behind that bush! Come on out, I wont hurt you!". Saying stuff like that. After our bowl, I am extremely, extremely, altered (for lack of a better term). I was some sort of high that I never felt before. I put my face up to the screen of the window so all that could see was the backyard. I experienced something truly intense, and I know that I wont be able to get the intensity across on paper. As I looked out of the window I became completely dissociated. all that existed, all the ever existed was what I was seeing at the moment. I didn't exist, 'O' didn't exist, nothing but the small section of backyard. I was like this for maybe 10 seconds, which felt like an eternity, then I suddenly snapped out of it. I jumped back from the window and I was clearly startled. 'O' asked me what had happened, I tried to tell her what I had experienced, but I could hardly form any words. I just walked to the bed and laid down. She was still having a blast, looking out the window, enjoying the new experience. As she was doing that, I was laying in the bed, having a bad anxiety attack and I started shaking uncontrollably. I started to burn up and I was pouring sweat. This went for quite awhile until it went away. I believe that it may have been a mild case of serotonin syndrome. With pretty much every redose I would take 50-100mg of 5-HTP. I didnt even really think about it reacting badly, or causing serotonin syndrome. It could equally just have been a really bad anxiety attack from staying up for 3 days, on speed, and stupidly smoking a bowl. I started to get better, I started to regain a very small grip on reality, I again realized what was going on. I was still pretty delirious, I was definitely hallucinating, I still saw shadow people and felt their personalities, but I at least gained a tiny bit of control back. I used that control to lay down, turn down the lights, and focus on relaxing. 'O' and I stayed up for awhile, talking. I could clearly see that as I was getting better, she was getting worse. I pointed at an object and asked her "Doesn't that look like a frog?." She agreed, and before I knew it she kept pointing to 4 or 5 objects and kept telling me that they were frogs.
"Sweetheart, thats just a rock"
"No, its a frog!"
"It looks like a frog, yeah, but in reality it's just a rock"
"Oh no, it's really a frog. Look!"
We debated over whether or not she was just seeing frogs, or if there were actually frogs there for about 10 minutes. I eventually gave up. Again I became very emotional. I was utterly exhausted, I was very close to finally sleeping, while she's looking around the room convinced that there were frogs around. I became very worried that I wouldnt be able to stay up until I knew that she was asleep. I was experienced with delirium, I have always had a good sense of where my mind was, the little scene in the kitchen was the first time that I had ever lost absolute control . This was her first time experiencing delirium, and she was experiencing it STRONG. I was terrified of what she might do if I fell asleep first. I fought and panicked until my mind and body couldn't take it anymore and I fell asleep before she did. I woke up around 5pm the next day, and I was very relieved to wake up to her in my arms.
The reasons that these experiences made me so interested in stimulant psychosis are because both experiences were completely unique, and the vast difference in the psychosis caused by a dopamine releaser (everything was very real, very negative and threatening) and the psychosis caused by a serotonin releaser (I felt as if I were floating around in a dream, everything was bubbly and happy for the most part, very friendly).
I figured that the reason that the 4-FA psychosis was so friendly and dreamy was because of the serotonin release, making the atmosphere of the delirium not menacing, but nice and happy going. Does anybody know if there is any reason to believe that this theory is true? Does anybody else have any experience with this? I'd love to hear any and all experiences!
I suppose that I will start this thread off with a small amount of background : I have just turned 19, and I consider myself pretty experienced with psychoactive substances. At this point I have tried 45+ psychoactives, and I have tried most of those substances multiple times. Through my drug use I have experienced drug induced psychosis and delirium quite a few times, ranging from quite mild delirium to full blown psychosis. The drugs that I have experienced it through are
Diphenhydramine / Dimenhydrinate: More times than I'd like to admit. I went through a bit of a phase a couple years ago. Probably 35+ times. It was always the couch-locked delirium, seeing bugs fly around, hearing people whisper my name, and listening to 2 people outside my window who never shut up. It was never very threatening or scary for me, just a whole lot of neutral.
A-PVP: I was feeling myself slip into psychosis after being up for only 20 hours, I was dosing for about 11. I eventually wised up, stopped dosing, put the foil away, and rode it out. I never slipped into full psychosis, but I did have that general feeling that there was 'something' aware of me, possibly trying to get me. I must have thought it was the cars because I had to keep looking out of the damn window every time one drove by. However, I was aware the whole time that I was just slipping into psychosis and that none of what I was feeling was real.
I also experienced strong delirium on two incredibly embarrassing combos. Keep in mind that I was younger, and I was in a place mentally where any altered state of mind was better than being sober. The 2 combos were:
Methamphetamine dosed orally, sold to me as MDMA. It was my first and only time with Meth, so needless to say that it was absolutely wonderful, until the comedown hit. My friend and I were getting very moreish, and foolishly dosed ~200-300mg of DXM. That made us feel surrounded by entities, but they weren't threatening or anything, just a 'lil spooky. After the DXM wore off, we just felt sleep deprived. Didn't feel very delirious or psychotic, just really slow mentally and the occasional street sign would look like a person at a quick glance. I got to sleep after about 36 hours awake
The other is an even more embarrassing combo. Not a single person on earth would think that this is a good combo, I'm still not sure what I was thinking. One night my good friend was staying the night. We were both depressed at the time, and would kind of bounce our drug use off of one another. Being 17 it consisted mostly of DXM, since he was on probation at the time. We started off the day with about 300 or so Morning Glory seeds, which were thrown up about 1 hour later. We achieved some fairly mild effects, and about 6 hours later we felt the effects start to fade. We walked to the store and got some DXM products. We both consumed 200-400mg (can't remember much from the night) over the course of 2 hours or so. We reached the peak and decided that we weren't high enough, so we took 12-20 Benadryl each. That kicked in and I was instantly delirious. I was shaking uncontrollably. I'd not out then snap out of it babbling to myself. I'd see my friend who was actually there sitting next to me, and another one of him standing on my bed or in the doorway. This resulted in a lot of confusion. I eventually passed out. He eventually followed after he was done talking nonsense to a hallucination of me.
Okay! Now to the main point of this thread! I hope that if you put up all of my nonsense, that you at least enjoyed it
I always kind of had a sort of macabre fascination with delirium, and I still do. When I feel the psychosis coming on, I often don't fight it. I'll look down hallways, or into dark rooms, etcetera, seeing if I cant see a little bit of something. I'll think of something and see if I can make myself actually see it. I can usually feel stimulant psychosis kicking in after being up for 20 hours or so, then it kicks in more intensely between hours 30-34 (depending on the substance, doses, and how frequently I dose). The last 2 times that I have gone delirious have been completely opposite experiences, and has increased my interest in stimulant psychosis, especially the differences in psychosis caused by dopamine releasing drugs, and serotonin releasing drugs. Here are the two experiences that piqued my interest.
The most recent experience was with Adderall. My girlfriend, I'll call her 'O' and I started dosing around 3pm or so and started off with ~25mg. I wish I remembered our dosing schedule. All that I know is that we redosed when we felt that it was needed, and by 6pm the next night, we had each taken a total of 120mg of Dextroamphetamine. It was around 8pm if I remember right. 'O' was making dinner and I was keeping her company in the kitchen, when I started to get that little, familiar strange feeling. I usually seem to be the first to go between 'O' and I when it comes to stimulant psychosis. By 11pm I was in psychosis. The most menacing, paranoid form of psychosis that I have ever been in. I constantly felt that I was being watched, by some sort of being, some sort of entity. It wasn't the shadow people and creatures out to get me. It was some sort of greater being sending its minions out to scare me, to try and break me. I knew the whole time that none of it was real, that it was all in my head, but that didn't help a single bit. I also got some of the craziest hallucinations that I have ever gotten, and I have done my fair share of psychedelics, dissociatives, deleriants, and have had a few goes with stimulant psychosis before. We have a picture of the 'Abbey Road' album cover on the wall. When I looked at it all four members started dancing and swinging their arms, then out of nowhere more people started walking into the scene and started dancing. They eventually had quite the team of backup dancers. This all ended when George Harrison got hit by a car and died. The other vision I had that really sticks out in my memory was in the bathroom. I was relieving myself, looking down at the toilet bowl when I saw, climbing up the outer edge of the curved bowl, a small man. Not just any small man though, a Swiss alphorn playing mountaineer (like in the Ricola commercials), and I could very vividly hear him yodeling. I went back into the room and eventually got to sleep.
The other experience was on the 3rd night of a 4-FA binge. 'O' and I were in our room, and we we're feeling pretty good for it being the third night. we had just taken our booster of about 90mg. If I had to guess, I would say that we each did roughly 500-600mg over the course of the 3 nights. We we're feeling pretty good, until the booster kick in. I believe that the small booster just sent us over the edge. We started seeing the bugs, then the shadows, and then soon enough we were no longer in controll of our actions. Just for a little bit of background, it was about 3am, in a relatively small house and her father was sleeping in the next room. This was a strange sort of delirium that I had never felt before. First of all, it was fun as hell! We felt like kids again! Everything was new and exciting. After spending a bit of time in the room, I completely irresponsibly make the suggestion that we explore the house. We go into the living room, and I see a head sitting on a chair (in reality it was a plastic bag). We both look out the window and see a male, anywhere from 12-16 years old, and he just stares at us. We decide that we are bored with this stranger and do more exploring. We go into the kitchen and we hear music coming from the other room (Classical music, creepy as hell). we run around the house for about an hour, having a blast, enjoying the shared hallucinations. This was 'O's first time with any sort of delirium, so it was very new for her. At this point we both had a bit of sanity, we were still more or less aware that this wasnt real. Eventually it got to the point where I would start joking around with the shadow people , or as I referred to them 'My homies'. The shadow people were not at all threatening nor startling this time. They were either completely neutral, or they had a positive 'personality'. They were friendly. I would play games with them and they would play games with me. The real breaking point, so to speak, was when 'O' and I were standing in the kitchen. I was looking out into the living room at the 3 'homies' sitting on the couch. Ever since I first saw them (At this point I had been seeing them for 15 minutes or so), I cracked myself up by telling them out loud "I look like I got candy? I aint got no candy!". I kept saying that because they would stare at me, no matter where I went. If you guys have seen the show Trailer Park Boys, then you know where I got the candy line from. 'O' thought this was funny as well, for the first little bit, but once we were in the kitchen and I continued, she noticed that I was getting more and more involved with them. She saw me making the transition into full blown delirium. She grabbed me and said "Dont talk to them! The more that you talk to them, the more real they're gonna get!". At this point I was pretty much psychotic. I didnt believe her, they were my friends! How dare she tell me not to have fun with them! She pleaded one more time, and I snapped back into semi-reality, and I realized what was happening. I saw the fear and worry in her face, and I agreed to make it quickly into the bedroom. That little moment caused me to have an emotional breakdown. I cried and cried. I just could not believe that I had caused her so much worry and fear. I was incredibly scared lying in the bed. I cried because I felt that I had hurt her, that I had done her wrong, and I cried because I was in the grips of something so powerful, that it could take absolute control over me. Remember the entity that was sending its minions after me when I took Adderall? Well it made an appearance here. I felt completely and absolutely manipulated and abused. I felt that it had taken control of me, used me to hurt the person that I love the most, that I care so deeply for. I was extremely saddened that it had one. It was stronger than me, it was going to use me to destroy her, and there was not a single thing at all that I could do about it. As I finished up my crying session, I started talking to 'O' and she started to make me feel a bit better. After a little while longer I'm having fun again. Pretty ass backwards, I know. I have another genius idea "Let's smoke some weed! It'll make the visuals stronger!". 'O' was enjoying the experience, and was more than willing to smoke. We open up the windows in our room as wide as they'll go and we start smoking it. With every hit we laugh harder and harder, playing games with the many friends of ours outside. I saw them in the trees, I saw them standing 5 feet infront of me. They were all very friendly still. We would watch them, interact with them. "Hey! I know you're behind that bush! Come on out, I wont hurt you!". Saying stuff like that. After our bowl, I am extremely, extremely, altered (for lack of a better term). I was some sort of high that I never felt before. I put my face up to the screen of the window so all that could see was the backyard. I experienced something truly intense, and I know that I wont be able to get the intensity across on paper. As I looked out of the window I became completely dissociated. all that existed, all the ever existed was what I was seeing at the moment. I didn't exist, 'O' didn't exist, nothing but the small section of backyard. I was like this for maybe 10 seconds, which felt like an eternity, then I suddenly snapped out of it. I jumped back from the window and I was clearly startled. 'O' asked me what had happened, I tried to tell her what I had experienced, but I could hardly form any words. I just walked to the bed and laid down. She was still having a blast, looking out the window, enjoying the new experience. As she was doing that, I was laying in the bed, having a bad anxiety attack and I started shaking uncontrollably. I started to burn up and I was pouring sweat. This went for quite awhile until it went away. I believe that it may have been a mild case of serotonin syndrome. With pretty much every redose I would take 50-100mg of 5-HTP. I didnt even really think about it reacting badly, or causing serotonin syndrome. It could equally just have been a really bad anxiety attack from staying up for 3 days, on speed, and stupidly smoking a bowl. I started to get better, I started to regain a very small grip on reality, I again realized what was going on. I was still pretty delirious, I was definitely hallucinating, I still saw shadow people and felt their personalities, but I at least gained a tiny bit of control back. I used that control to lay down, turn down the lights, and focus on relaxing. 'O' and I stayed up for awhile, talking. I could clearly see that as I was getting better, she was getting worse. I pointed at an object and asked her "Doesn't that look like a frog?." She agreed, and before I knew it she kept pointing to 4 or 5 objects and kept telling me that they were frogs.
"Sweetheart, thats just a rock"
"No, its a frog!"
"It looks like a frog, yeah, but in reality it's just a rock"
"Oh no, it's really a frog. Look!"
We debated over whether or not she was just seeing frogs, or if there were actually frogs there for about 10 minutes. I eventually gave up. Again I became very emotional. I was utterly exhausted, I was very close to finally sleeping, while she's looking around the room convinced that there were frogs around. I became very worried that I wouldnt be able to stay up until I knew that she was asleep. I was experienced with delirium, I have always had a good sense of where my mind was, the little scene in the kitchen was the first time that I had ever lost absolute control . This was her first time experiencing delirium, and she was experiencing it STRONG. I was terrified of what she might do if I fell asleep first. I fought and panicked until my mind and body couldn't take it anymore and I fell asleep before she did. I woke up around 5pm the next day, and I was very relieved to wake up to her in my arms.
The reasons that these experiences made me so interested in stimulant psychosis are because both experiences were completely unique, and the vast difference in the psychosis caused by a dopamine releaser (everything was very real, very negative and threatening) and the psychosis caused by a serotonin releaser (I felt as if I were floating around in a dream, everything was bubbly and happy for the most part, very friendly).
I figured that the reason that the 4-FA psychosis was so friendly and dreamy was because of the serotonin release, making the atmosphere of the delirium not menacing, but nice and happy going. Does anybody know if there is any reason to believe that this theory is true? Does anybody else have any experience with this? I'd love to hear any and all experiences!
