My name is Malek, and I've been looking for ages now, for something which will affect, on at least SOME scale, many of the issues from which I have been ailing. To make a long story, VERY SHORT ---> Looking to get my 'self' back, and am tired, oh so tired, after years of struggle (still very real) and taking all sorts of psych meds, spending thousands on all sorts of blood tests, scans, supplements, and "drugs,", and still no better off, just worse. Just came off Lamictal a few weeks ago, and am taking a medication vacation. If I can bear the angst of doing so, within the next weeks, I'll be trying mushrooms for the first time, to see if somehow, this will alleviate some of my issues. Very seriously interested in micro-dosing, since I've learned of all of the positive research on the subject.
In 2005 I sustained a TBI in Afghanistan, and have since been diagnosed with C-PTSD among a slough of other DSM 'labels'. I'm just really wanting to get my 'self' back, and essentially, to be able to see the purpose of life, and the beauty that it once had, and to no longer subject my family to emotional/relational neglect, and bring my self back to reality, rid of dissociation, the anxieties, and what is actually somewhat of a paranoia that so much anxiety over so long has given me. You speak of MDA as something which can connect the user, to themselves, and the environment. This makes me very curious about its possible benefits. Of course, where the hell does one get the stuff? No idea. In any case, I'm curious to hear about your personal experiences with this, or any other non-pharmaceutical which you feel has helped you with connectedness and love of self. Never tried really any type of non-doctor prescribed drug, until about a year ago. Had an old military buddy suggest that I try marijuana, as he figured it might help me. Well, after using that 9-10 times, and having some good, some bad experiences, and one F-ED off experience (psychosis for about 3 days -- BAD), I decided that, I need to look elsewhere. I'm thinking of giving MJ a try again, and to do A LOT of research about specific strains. I do have this thought about MJ, and I conclude that I don't want to be high all the time to feel more normal, or myself. MJ in fact, didn't really grant me either of those things. I digress...
I've looked into Ayahuasca, LSD, DMT, Ketamine, and other things, and quite frankly, I'm nowhere near the risk taker I used to be, and am quite weary of taking it upon myself to find or do these things without 'professional assistance', and of course, most of these things are illegal. Really, when it comes to the legality of such things, that's not my primary concern. It's where to get it FROM TRUSTED SOURCES. Got a buddy of mine getting mushrooms, and am going to try that out, but I'm also worried, as I've read that people with a history of mental illness shouldn't try these things. Do you have any thoughts about that concerning any hallucinogens?
I'm new to this site, but intend on posting around over the next week or 2, to see about becoming more knowledgeable about all of this. It's time to reclaim 'me.'
What I mainly wanted to relay is that, due to what I can only describe as cognitive decline and an increasingly depressing inability to deal with stress and 'life', my life has, over the past few years become nearly completely unpleasant, mostly unmanageable, and things only seem to be worsening (life really just does not seem worthwhile, AT ALL, most days, and is a sort of a trans-literal 'hell'). Most days I'm so f'ed out of my mind that I cannot think straight, process information well or at all, comprehend even the most basic concepts, and I have to go through life essentially faking everything, as to seem the most normal version of my'self' as possible and to not seem odd, obtuse, rude or just straight up crazy. And then, every once in a while, with no warning of onset, for who knows why or how, I'll experience brief moments of mental clarity, where I feel relatively normal, and like I CAN take on the world's challenges, and I look FORWARD to social engagements, and I DO see the beauty in things, and I DO feel rather connected to those within my presence and I DO feel connected with reality, and I DO HAVE A SENSE OF SELF. These occurrences happen once of twice a month and last for 10 minutes, up to as long as 1 hour.
Of course, there are many other things to discuss, like, the impacts these issues have on my life, other health ailments, such as insomnia (its affects), and so on.
Anyway -- I said I'd keep it short. That's short. If you're still available on this forum, and are willing and wishing to discuss these things further, that would be great. Hope to hear from you.
P.S. I've recently applied to MAPS to be involved in their MDMA studies, and may be going to the Nee Haven Vet Center in Connecticut next month for an intensive Ketamine trial study. I'm looking into other things as well, such as psilocybin, LSD, and other things, but for now, given the legality of those things, and my uneasiness about trying them (as to not fuck myself up beyond all repair), I'm easing into this stuff slowly.
So, to reiterate the OP's original post ---> HAS ANYONE EXPERIENCED GRAND BENEFIT FROM TAKING HALLUCINOGENS OR PYS'S TO TREAT DEPRESSION, PTSD, ANXIETY, OR DISSOCIATIVE DISORDERS?