Psychedelics to help with MDD and GABA drug addiction.

[devilinthemoon]

Hello,
I am really suffering right now and in a bad spot, I don't even leave the house because I suffer from agrophobia or social anxiety related disorders. I moved out and made an attempt to go to university and lived right near campus. I had every chance to make friends and change my life around, but I broke my leg due to an assault and ended up with online classes and having to stay in my apartment the whole time. I also was taking my benzo and lyrica too much and was taking a bunch one day, and having to take barely none the next day which was making my mood go up and down like a roller coaster. I am starting to think lyrica is more of a b*tch then benzo can ever be, if I go one day without taking the whole 600 mg I suffer like a mother fuc*ker, I can't even talk, no words will come to my mouth, can not eat want to throw up, and just feel like utter crap even if I take 450 mg.. 150mg less makes a huge difference in my mood. But, then again I cant concentrate and act normal on my normal dose because I am all zonked out and emotionaly blunted. So since I couldn't concentrate I just gave up on school, and because I gave up on school I did not have financial aid money which I was using to help pay for my apartment.

So yeah because of Major depression disorder and addiction to gaba releated substances that I been taking the last 4 year I completely fucced my life up. I am just a skelton of what I should be. Now I am back in my grandparent basement, just watching the day go by and sometimes hoping to just end it all.

I know turning to RC's wont solve my problems. But, since I tried every type of antidepressant including MAOI's and nothing helped at all, I mean at all. Snorting ritalin will bring me out my zombie state, and help with shit like not being able to speak, because words just poor out of me since I think i am seriously lacking dopamine, but on the other hand ritalin is not all that great when you are going through benzo, and lyrica withdrawal since I end up taking a bunch more sedatives at the end so I don't turn into a complete reck.

I am dying to try anything. I live life like groundhogs day I wake up its the same and I cant change shit it seem, I am getting older and thing just seem to be getting worse.

Maybe I need some kind of transformation through chemical to make me see the light, some better living through chemistry.

I have read all the great news about ketamine with it effect on treatment resistant depression, right now I think I would give my left nut to try it. It's impossible to find and since I am not in the city anymore and don't have no friends I wont be able to find it.

I was wondering if maybe Methoxetamine would take the place of ketamine since I have no chance in getting the real deal. I don't know if I can even get my hands on that since its sold out and generally sold to the UK.

What about Ibogaine.. would it be completly nuts to trip out on that stuff alone in my grandparent house by myself with no guide... having to worry about someone coming down and seing me trip? I think I have a legit source to that stuff but on the other hand it could be a rip off since its a online vendor you never know. Also, I know it helps for herion, methodone, crystal meth, cocaine, but does it help heal the gaba receptors in your head or atleast make it a smoother ride so I can finally be free from this stuff.

Is there any more RC's available that may help me get a new perspective, make me want to live, and give me the insight on how I can change.

This is my last hope, therapy of all kinds, rehabs, and any antidepressant has never helped and anti anxiety are just proloning my problems and making them worse.

Please somebody share your experience with these RCs and let me know if any of them have any of the magical properties such as ketamine that I am looking for.

Thaks.

 

[johannes kreisler]

...ok, you seem pretty determined about your decision. and I see where you come from...so I won't moralize at this point - other people will, I'm sure.

anyway: I'd recommend a (classic) tryptamine. that is DMT or psilocybin. those have the advantage that you can extract/grow them yourself without having to deal with "drug people" or sketchy RC-vendors. probably mescaline has to be named too but I don't have experience with it...

I can't say much about ketamine - but it's addictive on it's own. so maybe not the best choice for your situation...

 

[devilinthemoon]

What about aMT - I actually ordered some on a impulse buy, it's one of those five vendors that are supposed have legit 6ab-whatever and Methoxamine, but I have heard no good news about it. After ordering I searched all over the internet and could not seem to find anything about them except what it seems as people acting like them and evangelizing there products.

I only order 50mg amt freebase so that I wont f*ck up and take too much since I dont have a scale and 50 mg seems to be the right dose. I'm kinda scared to take the crap since it might be just some random stims - which I don't really feel like being thrown into psychosis at this point.


I also order from another vendor I researched this time and people were saying good things about - 50mg AMT again.

I have no idea if what i'm going to be getting is legit aMT and i'm a lil worried so I might throw out the first vendor rc's because it might be just some mystery powder.

Sorry for the vendor talk I tried my best not to mention no names.

I hope that aMT does something for me until Methoxetamine comes back around.

 

[newdimensions]

I've been where you are, dude, and am still working my way through depression and several anxiety disorders. I was on SSRI antidepressants, but have been off pharmaceuticals for four months now.

I know it is tempting to look for a magic psychedelic that will set your mind and your life in order, but I'm not sure one exists. In my experience, psychedelics can provide powerful pushes, but they are unpredictable. If you are in a good place, they may give you a useful trip, but if you are in a bad place, they may screw you up even more. Particularly if you are doing them without a sitter and in a place where you could be caught (and thus will have anxiety about getting caught.) I've done all sorts of research, both into psychedelics and pharmaceuticals, and have come to the conclusion that there really are no magic bullets.

Now, that doesn't mean you are screwed. I've found two things that were infinitely helpful. One was getting off all drugs. Not cold turkey - taper one drug at a time, if necessary, and with the help of a doctor if at all possible. You said yourself you are not taking the medications regularly, and you need to stabilize the various systems in your mind and body if you hope to have any lasting improvement. What use is feeling good one day and maybe having a breakthrough, even, if you'll be working with a different set of neurotransmitter and drug levels the very next day? The good times and memories will no longer apply in such a different state oid mind.

The other thing that has helped is therapy. You said therapy didn't work - fire your therapist and find once who does help. There are lots of types. What's more, therapy on and off drugs is a very different experience. I had very little success with therapy until I was OFF antidepressants. Drugs that mask problems can interfere with your ability to solve the problems.

Besides that, try to do things with your days. If you're not in school, find out if there are any social groups in your area. Try meeting people, even online if not in person, who don't make you uncomfortable or make you think about drugs. Drugs are fun, but you are looking for a good life, and a life that is all about drugs may not be the best sort of life, in the long run.

I hope I said some useful things. Let me know what you think, and if you'd like to counter anything I've said, be my guest. All I know is, this is the path that is currently working for me!

 

[Entheogenic]

I gotta say I can really relate to your situation. I've been in almost the exact same predicament as you, tried many forms of treatment with no results, and had the same ideas regarding psychs as catalysts for healing this. I have actually had the chance to try some and discovered their healing potential in the process.

I agree with johannes about tryptamines being a good choice. I have no experience with phenethylamines yet and am a little reluctant to try most of them since I've had such positive experiences with tryptamines before benzos and am comfortable with their lack of toxicity and physical danger. I would be willing to try mescaline but I'm a bit turned off by its long duration.

I would stay away from ibogaine though because of the risk. It is toxic and can be fatal under some circumstances. I think it could be too stressful for the body & mind while experiencing benzo tolerance/withdrawal. Personally I consider LSD to be a potential cure for benzo caused GABA damage after my limited trials with it. It really has catalyzed positive changes in me both physical and psychological. There is also some amazing potential for catharsis and helping to free you from negative patterns and OCD type thoughts. In my opinion its an extremely versatile tool for holistic healing. Unfortunately it is nearly impossible to find. I'm grateful to have had the chance to try it before and experience many of its lasting beneficial effects. Most of the benefits have been permanent and I believe enough of it could completely restore normal GABA functioning and undo most of the detrimental lasting effects from benzos.

Multiple trials with vaporized DMT including a few breakthroughs did not seem to provide much in terms of lasting benefits. Ayahuasca has not been tried but would like an experienced shaman guide if I do.

Mushrooms were tried twice and it seemed to have a small fraction of the potential of LSD and it didn't really last. It also was more uncomfortable and confusing during the experience.

Also keep in mind that the experience itself is not likely to be fun or anything like it was before benzos. It seems like something that is endured rather than enjoyed but for me it's well worth it in the end. The come-down and after effects are where the healing magic really starts to show. During the experience its best to try to lie back in the dark with eyes closed & headphones on and try to let go and let it guide you and just experience and observe. You don't want to be in a situation where you have obligations or need to interact with people, it's an intense and deeply personal ride. Also with GABA problems I find that sensitivity to these compounds is increased in some ways, so start low until you are familiar with the effects.

I have thought about AMT but figured it may not be the best choice because of its stimulating nature and possible negative physical effects. That's just my opinion though, I have not tested this one.

I am also excited about the new MXE. After reading TRs I am have some hope that this one may carry similar benefits to LSD. The added mu-agonist comfort and NMDA-antagonist effects might just make it a smoother, less turbulent experience since a big part of benzo-induced problems is glutamate hyperactivity.

Do you have any previous experience with tryptamines or other psychs before your dependence on GABA drugs? I feel that my previous experience helped me to trust the experience and not be too afraid despite the intensity. It seems to amplify many of the physical side-effects / withdrawal effects from benzos during the experience. It's like it releases blocked up energies in the nervous system, this becomes apparent after the peak.

Also, check your email.. I sent you some info about benzos and tapering.

 

[devilinthemoon]

Yeah thats what I was thinking about MXE - I was hoping the NMDA- antagonist effects might lower my benzo tolerance as they effect glutamate. I wonder though since I am on bupe too that I might not feel the opioid effects since suboxone blocks pretty much all mu-agonist activity. I am dying to try this stuff, shoot I will even take some of that fake stuff (tilaptine sp?) they use for horse tranqulization...haha but seriously I have nothing to loose...nothing at all.

My psychiatrist told me today when i said I was going to go see a counselor that if I do I can find another doctor. I don't know why the fuccker want's- me to stay addicted to all the crap he gives me, or what I think he is doing is medicaid fraud charging more than one visit.. either way he is a shady bastard that I have held on to too long because there is no way I can go cold turkey off all these meds- plus he the only one I know who has gave me benzo, hypnotics, bupe, and other gabagenerics all at once.

But, for real I have to get off this crap - I am afraid though to get sober because I remember when I was sober before I was so effed in the head it lead me to the psych ward for major depression, but atleast I was trying in life had a job, going to school even if I still had massive anxiety, loneness, and depression. These meds just make me apathetic- like there is no reason to even try in life.

Hey, though I didn't get your email for some reason... I can use all the info I can get if you can shoot me one at [email protected]

Thanks guys.

 

[newdimensions]

I'm glad you recognize that something does have to change. And you're right, going cold turkey will not be a good idea - it'll suck big time, and probably be dangerous to your health.

What I did was, I was seeing one doctor who had me on meds, and actually was okay with the idea of me going off them, but had no useful advice for tapering, and may have actually allowed me to harm myself with a bad taper. Regardless. I found a new doctor, told him my situation, and he both helped me work out a taper schedule and method, and prescribed me the medicine in liquid form so that I could carry it out.

What I'm saying is, you're not stuck to the one doctor, and if you feel the doctor is keeping you numbed down with meds, then maybe you should find a new doctor. You don't owe this doctor anything, particularly if you feel he's been mistreating you, using you for insurance claims, etc.

I understand you're looking for an answer in new types of drugs, but even if the answer may lie there (I'm not discounting the possibility - my current therapist has even said that things like LSD or mushrooms could be of help to me, you just never know until you try it), adding new drugs to the mix already in your system will DEFINITELY not be good.

If you want to try something new, create a steady ground for yourself. You need to be clean first, for a period of time. It'll help you to be more aware of yourself, who you really are, and start learning some coping mechanisms without meds. And if you find a medication or drug that works well, you want to know that it was that drug, right? Not some combination of whatever you were taking that day, which may not be replicable and healthily sustainable.

I really do feel that a good, slow taper, with a doctor you trust, is the first step towards improvement. I hope you'll consider this. Again, if you have any questions about how my taper went, or would like some links to forums that help specifically with easing off harmful meds, let me know and I'll do my best ot help.

 

[Entheogenic]

Yes, do not cold-turkey or come off the benzos too fast. It can make the damage worse and take a lot longer to recover from. I emailed you the message with links about benzos, please take time to read up on benzos from there. The Ashton Manual is a really good starting point. Most information on long term use and safe tapering is in a way censored from doctors so don't expect your doctor to know much about benzos and how to safely get you off them. Most likely you will have to learn about it yourself and then ask your doctor to help you with your crossover and taper plan.

I agree with newdemensions about stabilizing things before trying anything new. I didn't try psychedelics for my benzo symptoms until I had been off benzos for a long time, still stuck with disabling withdrawal symptoms that didn't seem to be going away. I had made my situation much worse by stopping benzos suddenly though. If you crossover to diazepam and taper at a reasonable speed then you'll be much better off and less likely to have long lasting symptoms like me.

Also you said when you were sober you suffered from major depression and ended up in psych ward... had you been on benzos before this happened? I say this because benzos are known to cause a protracted withdrawal syndrome that can mimic depression and psychiatric problems and is usually misdiagnosed. This even happens in older people with no previous psychiatric or depression history. Check out this report about it: Protracted Benzodiazepine Withdrawal Syndrome Mimicking Psychotic Depression. I personally experienced this and had never had felt anything like it in my life before I had been on benzos. Before I did research and figured out what was going on I thought I was losing my mind. In a way it was a big relief to realize what was causing my problems. At the same time I was pretty upset that I hadn't known about these risks before I started taking benzos. Agoraphobia, severe anxiety, and insomnia are common symptoms people get from benzos after long-term use. They're caused by an alteration of the GABA receptor systems and usually first appear during long-term use and can temporarily worsen during withdrawal. Benzos are not meant to be used for long periods of time because of the steadily increasing symptoms they cause the longer they are taken. The studies show that people generally feel much better when they do a proper taper and the symptoms usually get better over time and eventually go away.