Psychedelics, Brain Surgery, and Psychotic Episodes

[Ancientknowledge]

I realize due to the fact that most psychedelics are schedule 1 there really isnt enough data to necessarily answer this question correctly so im just looking for you opinions/any scientific studies relating to this..



So when i was 6 years old i was diagnosed with having a brain tumor the size of a golf ball located in between my right temporal lobe and my ocular lobe... They cut it out, at this point i am missing roughly 30% of my brain...


Overall the surgery was a success, i can read, write, do things that pretty much everybody can do, only side effects ive had is eye problems(due to my part of my ocular lobe missing), sleep problems(am a sleep walker, talker, eater), and always fatigued(ive been told this is normal with anyone suffering from brain trauma)


Anyways around the age of 18 (am 23 now) i started to play around with psychedelics... Started out with mushrooms, later moved into the rave scene and along with that came MDMA and everything else thats pressed into pills these days.. At first i didnt have any real value for psychedelics, really it was just something fun to do. It wasnt till a couple years later that i started to find REAL value in psychedelic tools.

Between experience, reading(forums, books, studies, etc.), and teaching others, the psychedelic world opened up more to me then i could have ever hoped for or imagined.


It was amazing what substances like Lsd, Dmt, Ketamine, and Mescaline did for my spiritual development. Allowing me to really push my meditations, astral travel, and lucid dreaming further then i had ever pushed them before.


For a while ill be honest i got a little carried away, especially with LSD... It wasnt till one night almost a year ago that i took 1200ug's of Needlepoint by myself and completely lost my mind in a loop(tripped for a solid 20 hours, went blind, couldnt walk, overall i just wanted to die)


That experience alone was the single handed most traumatically influential moment of my entire life... It was amazing what sweet Lucy did, putting me in my place, showing me that im a mere peon in the pecking order... Overall this experience taught me just how precious the sober mind really is and how much i had undervalued it.


Since that experience i have been a lot more picky/choosy with my psychedelic journeys ensuring to only do them when i truly feel the time is right... What i find to be even more amazing is the less and less desire i have to eat psychedelics the more and more value i actually find in them...



As of more recently ive been experiencing some "psychotic" episodes that have really kinda started to wig me out a little... I will be sitting their drawing, talking, watching tv, etc and all of the sudden it's as if i am just coming to light that everything is really real. I dont know how to explain this, it's a very uneasy feeling that not everything is going to be okay, that reality is a very scary place, and that at any second something could happen... It's a feeling very similar to that of what i felt on the blinding needlepoint dose, sometimes it gets so bad that i dont know how to handle it, very scary. These episodes have made me really question if i should be playing with psychedelics at all anymore, made me really question my sanity.




Guess what my 2 part question is

How does one's brain react on psychedelics when part of it is missing, do i trip different then someone who has a full brain?


What do you recommend i do about these psychotic episodes? Real reluctant to go to any kind of psychologist due to the fact that i think a good portion are to far deep in big pharma's pocket to make an unbiased decision...



Ive thought about submitting my info to M.A.P.S. and seeing what they have to say...






(sorry for the long thread, i figured the more info the better you might understand the situation)

 

[Dondante]

As of more recently ive been experiencing some "psychotic" episodes that have really kinda started to wig me out a little... I will be sitting their drawing, talking, watching tv, etc and all of the sudden it's as if i am just coming to light that everything is really real. I dont know how to explain this, it's a very uneasy feeling that not everything is going to be okay, that reality is a very scary place, and that at any second something could happen... It's a feeling very similar to that of what i felt on the blinding needlepoint dose, sometimes it gets so bad that i dont know how to handle it, very scary. These episodes have made me really question if i should be playing with psychedelics at all anymore, made me really question my sanity.

After reading the title of this thread, it was impossible not to see what it was about.

First of all, these episodes seem to fit the classic "psychedelic flashback experience," though there's quite a bit of ambiguity about what exactly that term means. There seems to be a range of relatively common reactions that psychedelic users experience following frequent or high dose usage. The "flashback" involves a reexperiencing of a trip or some aspects of a trip...these can vary from completely benign episodes of visual distortions to more distressing episodes of derealization/depersonalization. These typically fade with time. Though I don't think anyone can say for certain, it's likely that a traumatic, high dose experience is more likely to cause the distressing type of flashback experience. I'd say the most important thing to do is avoid psychedelics until they subside...give it time, and if they're really bothersome, talk with a therapist. Another reaction that may or may not be independent of a flashback experience is a panic attack, which can include some of the same symptoms of derealization/depersonalization along with a sense of impending doom, chest tightness, shortness of breath, etc. My sense is that if the trip involves a panic type reaction, an individual would be more predisposed to panic attacks following the trip. The last type of reaction, which I think is what Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder (HPPD) is supposed to encompass (the DSM definition is too vague to be useful), includes residual sensory changes that are more or less constantly experienced, including persistent visual distortions (e.g. palinopsia (afterimages), halos around lights, visual snow, etc.)...these can also vary from completely benign to distressing.

So, these experiences are not "psychotic", they are not all that uncommon, and they likely don't have anything to do with your prior brain surgery.

 

[Ismene]

Why are you linking the psychotic episodes to the psychedelics? Lots of people have psychotic episodes who have never touched psychedelics.

 

[thoughtsUnThought]

He said the feeling is very similar to that of his 1200ug exp, that's why he's relating the two.

I would say low-dose experiences shouldn't exasperate the situation, and may help you to 'turn a page' in life and move on from your distress. That's just from my exp though, the after effects I've experienced through regular psychedelic exps will change drastically after each exp.

If I were you I'd go the meditation route until you feel everything is in its place you can probably beat most if not all the anxiety reactions you mention through regular meditations. But you talk of astral work, so maybe you already do meditate.

 

[Ancientknowledge]

After reading the title of this thread, it was impossible not to see what it was about.

First of all, these episodes seem to fit the classic "psychedelic flashback experience," though there's quite a bit of ambiguity about what exactly that term means. There seems to be a range of relatively common reactions that psychedelic users experience following frequent or high dose usage. The "flashback" involves a reexperiencing of a trip or some aspects of a trip...these can vary from completely benign episodes of visual distortions to more distressing episodes of derealization/depersonalization. These typically fade with time. Though I don't think anyone can say for certain, it's likely that a traumatic, high dose experience is more likely to cause the distressing type of flashback experience. I'd say the most important thing to do is avoid psychedelics until they subside...give it time, and if they're really bothersome, talk with a therapist. Another reaction that may or may not be independent of a flashback experience is a panic attack, which can include some of the same symptoms of derealization/depersonalization along with a sense of impending doom, chest tightness, shortness of breath, etc. My sense is that if the trip involves a panic type reaction, an individual would be more predisposed to panic attacks following the trip. The last type of reaction, which I think is what Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder (HPPD) is supposed to encompass (the DSM definition is too vague to be useful), includes residual sensory changes that are more or less constantly experienced, including persistent visual distortions (e.g. palinopsia (afterimages), halos around lights, visual snow, etc.)...these can also vary from completely benign to distressing.

So, these experiences are not "psychotic", they are not all that uncommon, and they likely don't have anything to do with your prior brain surgery.

Thank you!

I really appreciate the detailed response, after reading your post I feel 10 times better then about whats been going on then i did before.


derealization/depersonalization is the perfect way to put it, that's exactly what i feel! The HPPD thing sounds correct to, i def get lots of shines, halos, and random shifts, ive always been fine with all those though, mostly just the derealization/depersonalization thing that really gets me...

But the idea of them fading with time is a comfortable idea, especially because although some of these episodes have been very discomforting none of them have been so bad that i feel something is REALLY wrong.

dude that has to be intense tripping with a part of your occular lobe missing. Thats like part of your visual reality is gone, when you're tripping do you not have full vision or does your brain fill the void?

Man i dont really know how to explain it but i would def say psychedelic's fill in the pieces haha.. I think overall i probably tend to get gnarlier visuals then others because of this...

On higher dose's, IE 1000ug's + the visuals get so bad that i go blind and am not able to see my hand 6 inches in front of my face.

Why are you linking the psychotic episodes to the psychedelics? Lots of people have psychotic episodes who have never touched psychedelics.

Def understand what you mean, and your right when you say lot's of people have psychotic episodes who havent ever touched them...


The reason im linking this to psychedelics is the fact that i can trace the exact point of origin of those feelings. The feeling of reality really being real hit me 9-10 hours after dropping when i was still tripping harder then i had ever tripped before. Tripping so hard that that any light i saw was still broken down to it's exact fractal spectrum, so rather then seeing a yellow/orange light i saw each individual fractal of color making that beam of light, quite amazing when i look back on it. Anyways i broke down for a second loop feeling like i was stuck in that reality forever and trying to think about how i was going to explain to my family, friends, and work what i did to myself, that i was going to be fully incapable of living a normal life.

It's that feeling of derealization/depersonalization that randomly hit's me from time to time.

He said the feeling is very similar to that of his 1200ug exp, that's why he's relating the two.

I would say low-dose experiences shouldn't exasperate the situation, and may help you to 'turn a page' in life and move on from your distress. That's just from my exp though, the after effects I've experienced through regular psychedelic exps will change drastically after each exp.

If I were you I'd go the meditation route until you feel everything is in its place you can probably beat most if not all the anxiety reactions you mention through regular meditations. But you talk of astral work, so maybe you already do meditate.

To be honest ive actually thought about doing this, just over a year ago, a couple months before that gnarly trip i was suffering from extreme paranoia, somewhat psychotic feelings, thought for a moment maybe i was going schitzo, dropped some dose told myself that im being unreasonable and that of coarse it's normal to be a little paranoid when your growing the herb..

After that all was well... Until that gnarly trip. But since that trip ive actually eaten dose a few times including my last which i would dare say was the funnest most fulfilling trip ive ever had with L...


I absolutely love meditating! It is something i am very fond of and practice quite regularly, both love and kindness with a little third eye from time to time. Anyways it was actually something that really helped me get over the initial trauma caused by that high dose experience, without it i actually dont think i probably would have ever touched a psychedelic ever again... It's actually been a couple week since my last meditation to, way to long seeing as how i normally try to do it 1-2 times a day. With the holidays i just got so busy i didnt make anytime for it, def something im going to have to do later today.

Thanks again for reminding me!

 

[thoughtsUnThought]

Also, respectful use of San Pedro can be very healing if you get to know the plant essence

 

[Ancientknowledge]

I can only imagine! In my experience i have found Mescaline to be the most comforting/warming/welcoming psychedelic ive ever ingested, lucky for me i have one 375mg twice washed dose of HCL on stand by. Am probably going to wait for a really snowy day where i can go outside and immerse myself in a winter wonder land :D


I also have a 12'' san pedro cut rooting in my kitchen right now... Figure i will get to know it's essence over time!

 

[thoughtsUnThought]

I ate cactus after an ice storm...everything was covered in like a cm of glistening ice. The sunshine made prisms in the air even w/o psychedelics lol a day I'll never forget

 

[Ancientknowledge]

Wow that sounds AWESOME!!!



I can only hope mine is that fulfilling haha... Im sure it will be, im going to go hit up the sledding hill sometime after the purge haha...