psychedelic addiction proving to be quite complicated...

[<SpaceHead>]

I posted this in the dark side but figured alot of people here may have good input aswell.I was wondering if anyone has had similar experiences or if anyone has perspective to offer on this issue.

I used to be prescribed mood stabilizers and amphetamines like lithium and adderoll on and off since the 5th grade for depression, bipolar and add. around the time I graduated highschool I had several psychedelic experiences (the main one was LSD with lithium) which changed my life forever and made me feel much more confident and independent. For the last three years since then I've been tripping about once a week, in the last year its gotten up to 3 or 4 times a week. During this time I smoke pot whenever I'm not tripping, and it kind of brings back the feeling of tripping so I can essentially feel like I'm tripping at least a little bit constantly. I used to rely on acid and mushrooms until I found research chemicals which enable to beat tolerance by switching drugs frequently. The 2C drugs in particular are very lucid which makes it easy to take and go about your day like normal. This addiction is strange because it's almost a spiritual attachment, I never develop addictions to drugs that don't have some kind of psychedelic aspect. It would be alot easier to just get high on opiates or amphetamines but I feel like they can' even hold a candle up to the awesome experience of being one with the universe that psyches provide. The high of psychedelics is beyond duality, its above good or bad to me.

This summer it came to a climax as I started using DO compounds and dissociative drugs like nitrous ketamine and DXM often. These drugs proved to be much more impulsive and addictive than classic psychedelics and I soon found myself in a very disturbing relationship with them. One week end I ended up taking DOC, LSD, DXM, 2C-T-2, Ketamine, Nitrous, MDA all in one night. I ended up accidentally taking 3,000mg of DXM one night, tripped for 3 days and almost died. This brought my relationship with drugs to a new level, because out of all the drugs I've taken I've never put myself at risk of death which scared the shit out of me because I could never do that to the people who really care about me.

A few weeks after the OD, after a couple more DXM trips and a 20lb tank of nitrous binge I told myself I would take a break from dissociatives for a few months. I was tripping with some friends one day and found myself doing nitrous again without even thinking about it. I inhaled a couple balloons and was sent into an introspective hell hole, leading me through my life and showing me all the things that could go wrong. I broke down and cried infront of all of my friends and wrote down things I wanted to change about my life.

I set a plan into action limiting myself to half a gram of pot per day and one trip per week. It worked well for a couple weeks but alcohol snuck in unnoticed because its so socially acceptable. I also have broken my pot rule because everyone around me casually smokes pot very frequently. I try to supplement my spiritual growth with meditation, but this path seems quite dim, blotted out by the light of psychedelics. I still have very frequent urges to trip, its so deeply programmed into my brain.

I guess I'm on the right path, I haven't done any dissociatives and I've significantly cut down on tripping. I still feel quite hopeless and feel like I have very little self control. I guess part of the scary part of coming back into the real world is seeing all of the permanent changes I've made to my brain. Sometimes I feel like my brain is passed the point of returning to normal so I might as well just keep taking drugs. It seems so contradictory to me, psychedelics are what give me insight into the things I need to change about my life, but ironically they are the very thing I need to change, I just keeps looping. My friends can put down heroin but somehow I can't put down these drugs which are usually considered far from addictive. It makes me feel like I must just be making up this entire experience for myself. I have a very strong mind, but a mind can only tolerate so much abuse before it begins to come apart.

I want to trip less and less, I'm moving from one week to ten days this week. After a couple ten day intervals I want to do every two weeks, then once a month. As I start tripping less I think I will start getting more and more out of it. This addiction is just so deeply psychological, it seems to have endless layers of complication. Has anyone had a similar experience to this? Does anyone have any suggestions on how to respect psychedelics and use them in a more productive and healthy way?

 

[tobala]

I wouldn't put too much stock into the "psychedelic-induced brain changes."

The brain is quite a resilient machine, and from your description I doubt you've screwed it up on any appreciable level.

How old are you? I ask because I went through a similar phase when I was young, and here I am years later with my brain intact and functional--though some may argue with me about that...

 

[PepperSocks]

Good call on cutting the dissociatives out. Dissociatives are known to actually be addictive and they can have harmful effects on the brain. 5-HT2a agonists (regular psychedelics) are much more benign.

This addiction is just so deeply psychological, it seems to have endless layers of complication. Has anyone had a similar experience to this? Does anyone have any suggestions on how to respect psychedelics and use them in a more productive and healthy way?

Psychedelic addiction is strange. I haven't been addicted in the sense of using multiple times a week but I find once you get started on the path of psychedelic exploration, it's hard, if not impossible to stop until you've found the answer your looking for.

You're chasing something and even though you may go for months without a trip all of a sudden you'll get a strong desire to go on a trip.

It seems like your social situation is a proponent in overuse of psychedelics; maybe look into that aspect of it.

 

[Delta-9-THC]

I know this is a lot easier said than done but at least with these drugs you don't have to negotiate physical withdrawals so technically you could just stop immediately and take a long break which you should consider.

No need to taper by taking it every few days like you are suggesting although I understand it is to relieve some of your psychological cravings.

I have a hard time identifying with this because I have been addicted to opiates but I have no trouble controlling my use of psychedelics. The worst part about quitting opiates for me is the agonizing withdrawal so at least you don't have to deal with that.

Do you feel mentally agitated or depressed when you are not tripping?

 

[<SpaceHead>]

tobala: I'm almost 23 at the moment

peppersocks: It's not that I'm just endlessly searching for some kind of answer by tripping, I've already found my answer and it's a place that I can only access with psychedelics. The trouble is I can't bring this feeling back into my sober existence, I have to keep coming back. And actually in my social situation all of my friends drink and smoke pot casually but only trip like 3 times a year. So its actually kindof awkward because while theyre drunk i'm always tripping on some odd concoction of RC's.

and delta 9: Yes this addiction is very different from opiate addiction. The closest experience to that that I've had is a ketamine habit. I could quite all drugs cold turkey for a while, I tried that once before for a month and just ended up doing way more drugs when I started using them again. And yes I do have some kind of emotional width drawl when i quit using them, I get quite depressed and have a very nihilistic outlook on the world. Psychedelics let me change the way I'm thinking so when im not on them I get trapped in negative perspectives. And I'm not at the point where I can even consider never doing a psychedelic again. I just cant say to myself that I'll never trip again because I know it would be a lie. I'm just trying to move in the direction of respecting them and using them more sparingly.

 

[RhythmSpring]

Spacehead: I would steer towards more teaching and medicinal psychedelics, such as mescaline (peyote), DMT and mushrooms. I find that they not only change your mindset, but give you lessons that are easily carried back into sober adulthood. I just tried some DOI, and it just inspires and opens you, but it doesn't do much else.

Instead of treating psychedelics as mindset changers, treat them as lessons for real life. This will be easier with the ones I mentioned, rather than dissociatives and RCs.

I believe that they will teach you (if you're willing to learn) how to abstain from harmful indulgence of any kind.

 

[<SpaceHead>]

Hmmm maybe you're right RhythmSpring. I do love cacti mushrooms and DMT but I use RC's far more often.... The RC's just fascinate me so much I love to study the subtleties of each new analogue. But yea maybe I should give them a break and employ some natural teachers. I was even considering doing ibogaine to see if it would help me change my habits. It's just so expensive and hard to find!

 

[jamaica0535]

For me psychedelic "addiction" was never a real huge worry....

I love psychedelics and in my later years i plan to buy a couple of sheets to last me for those random times when i feel like i need a trip to sort out my head.

For me the biggest part of the psychedelic attachment was questioning how far the rabbit hole really goes down.... So many combinations and large quantities of drugs..... I do the occasional summer festival binder but other than that i try and space it out, when i trip i preferably am tripping face.

 

[swilow]

One week end I ended up taking DOC, LSD, DXM, 2C-T-2, Ketamine, Nitrous, MDA all in one night

I am surprised you survived that. That sounds like a very very bad combo.

But, moving along, you need to evaluate what you want from tripping, and find ways to attain it sobrely. The quest for ecstatic states is as old as man; maybe look into shamanic/occult/eastern belief systems as a way of attaining an "enlghtened" state. If you feel depressed when not tripping, then you need to find out why- you cannot simply keep hammering these drugs down.

I've been though periods of very freqeunt and hgh dose usage, as well as combiniing substances; generally nowadays, I use DMT once a week or so, pot 4-5 times a week (usually about 1/2 gram each time)- this year, in terms of long lasting trips, I have really only used mushrooms (maybe 10 times) and LSD (maybe 5 times) and ayahuasca 4 times, wth the odd RC thrown in (comng down from 2C-D now )- ultmately, I can see my use declining so that all I will consume will be DMT (smoked or oral), pot, mushrooms and occaisonal LSD. And sparingly. The reason for this is that I'm in a happier and more fulfilling situaton then ever before, and can't really see the point in the perma-trip. LIFE is a trip; thats something I leaned.

 

[feelgoodhit]

You're going to be just fine!

It seems like you're concerned, and taking action to stop patterns that don't serve you. Cool! Don't worry, you'll come out of this a-okay. I definitely suggest you continue to avoid dissociatives. They're, as you know, addictive, and they're the ones that most often carry long-term negative effects... DXM, for example!

I also agree with swilow's comment (BTW: great to see you doing so much better, ol' chap! ).

It's good to keep a diary of whenever you ingest a psychoactive substance (pot included), so that you have a document to look at to remind you. It can really help you keep yourself in check.

 

[Listening]

You're going to be just fine!

It seems like you're concerned, and taking action to stop patterns that don't serve you. Cool! Don't worry, you'll come out of this a-okay.

Agree with this. OP: Your post makes it clear that you're not ignoring the problems, so I know you'll find your way to the light. That said, how to find your way there isn't always straightforward.

You're talking about tapering down your usage. I think this is a good call, but don't be so hard on yourself if/when you 'relapse'. It's part of the process: old habits die hard. As you already witnessed after your month off, being insanely strict on yourself can sometimes backfire. Instead, aim towards having faith in your own ability to judge what is good for you and what is bad for you, as well as your ability to do the right thing. It certainly sounds like you have it in you. In this way, you use love to help yourself move towards where you want to be, just as you'd do for someone else that you love.

I would also echo what others have said about finding satisfaction in sobriety. It is possible (and desirable) to 'soar' while sober, but another trick that I've learned along the way is that there is an art to suppression, and when you get used to it, you can find yourself not as bothered by the 'downs' in life as you once were. When you clearly understand that your real-life long-term goals are made possible by delaying your satisfaction, the down times lose their hopelessness and become bearable, and eventually even fine (think of it as a break from your short-term obligation to yourself).

There's a long path ahead. Good luck, and above all have faith in yourself to do the right thing; even if it's not what you thought it was when you started out.

 

[any major dude]

I find psych usage much more productive if I don't use them all that frequently. I find that most people need time to adequately apply the things they've learned before another trip, at least to get the most out of it. If you can manage to try and integrate the psychedelic "lessons" you learn, you shouldn't have the urge to trip as often, IMHO. Also, I think with infrequent usage you get more bang for your buck. I used to trip once or twice a week, and by the end of that period I was taking 10 strips, ounce-at-a-time mushrooms, & 100mg+ doses of 2c-d quite regularly. Now 2-3 hits of L does to me what 10 used to, rarely have the urge to take mushrooms, if ever, and I use various 2c-x's with some frequency, but usually no more than twice a month. And every now and again I'll take a 4-sub-tryptamine as well, but haven't done that in months.

Just try and use that force of will that can guide you through these frequent high-dose experiences to try and limit your usage.