Here goes, my first internet report besides my new member introduction. I have a select few in mind I'd like to report over the next few weeks/months, some really crazy trips. This one is mainly selected out of my old memory because it is recent (a week exactly), and also because it was damn insane.
Alright, let me clear up the dosage issue here. Over the many, many years I've tripped i've noticed two types of tolerance which forms. One I'll call recent tolerance. This is a tolerance built up from tripping within the last two weeks. By the second week its pretty much gone, but it can cost noticeably more to trip 1 week or earler. I didn't have any "recent tolerance" before this trip. The other is "lifetime tolerance". This has built up slowly over the years, and honestly I have no idea what it is, only that it forms quite slow. This actually concerns me in a small way.
My lifetime tolerance is very high. I remember 30 years ago eating 5 grams and going out of my mind. Now, if I'm relaxing with a friend or two and want to be able to communicate, I won't take more than 15g. At the 15g mark is where things start to become weird and sometimes spiritual. After this mark, the effects rapidly increase with dose. So 17g might be like twice as strong as 15g, 18g perhaps three times stronger than 15g. Alone, past few years, I have ranged 7g-31.5g, but my average is probably 16; its my favorite dose. Those high doses can be very confusing and sometimes to the point of terror/blackouts and occasionally have to sedate myself (although then I feel like I've "lost" so try not to). The reason I risk it, is for the chance at that amazing trip, "pure-enliten-o'd" I call it, which is a rare and seriously life-changing trip different from all others; at times like a very different drug, but doesn't seem like a drug at all. The p-e-o'd trips usually start out scary/InTense then transform into amazing beauty which can and does change my life, at least for a few weeks.
So, it had been a year since I'd gone over 17g, and I wanted oh so badly a p-e-o'd trip (which had also been quite over a year). I obtained the fungus and separated out all the little silica gel packets. These were picked about a month earlier (I was told), and were crispy dry. I used an old balance scale and just kept slowly adding pieces until I felt like "they told me" to stop. I hadn't been looking at the meter on purpose, but there it was exactly on 20.0g. This kind of coincidence which, someone with too open of a mind might think is not a coincidence, is what I look for and usually take as a positive sign to proceed. Nice, even numbers in this case.
It was 8pm. I was alone at home (cept for my little old dog). No worries on my mind, took care of business to make sure it was like that. I stick the 20g into a blender and buzz them into powder/bits. I have started wearing a protective mask doing this due to having a bad cough for a week one time from inhaling shroom dust. I take what looks like half a cup of greyish brown shroom particles and mix them into my favorite ice cream, microwave it 15 seconds, and enjoy my dessert quickly, but not fast enough for a brain freeze (more like a brain melt was coming on). At 8:30pm I had finished the mix, on an empty stomach.
I put on an old soft rock record in the other room, quietly but just enough to barely hear, just to give a bit of "personality" to my house. I do have CDs but just can relate most to a record, and have many of them. Just ten minutes later I'm definitely feeling some physical effects. "Tightening" of stomach. Vessels in arms and legs may have contracted a little, not sure what really happens I'm just describing the feeling. I call up a friend of mine to chat with while it kicks in. I leave this person unaware of what I'd eaten with my ice cream, but soon it becomes hard to hide. The conversation is still comical in my memory. The following is around 9:15 and they are kicking in strong.
friend-"So I did see her. Even after all that shit happened WITH her cousin..."
me- "yeah... well (then mumbling: "you got to... yeah")
friend "(Grong) Are you on something? What'd you take? (in a slightly condescending but joking way)
me- (hysterical laughter which I couldn't recover from)
friend- enjoy your ride buddy, don't snare no trees (old joke between us about tripping too hard)
What he said did seem funny, but there was some new cosmic dimension above the human experience which I was now connecting to, so his petty story induced intense laughter, as well as the fact that I was a human talking on a phone, to a friend, who was talking about some relationship. These wires, the electricity we talk through, all the phenomena then started to overtake me. It went from hilarious to intensely in "scientific/philosophical-awe" mode. I just realized my friend was 300 miles away, a few weeks hike... but, I was just talking to him. Those words started to repeat into an uncomfortable loop: "I was just talking to him.... 300 miles? I was just talking to him.... 2 states away, right here, just talking to him..."
My next memory is laying on my bed, don't remember going there, but know the intensity seemed to be increasing each second. I started to feel gripped by an evil presence. I knew I had a method to deal with it (the sedative), but I just couldn't put together in my head that I was on a "drug" and I needed another to get me off it. No, that was way too much. The best I could do was go along with these faint, subconscious impulses to take deep breaths and try to "center" myself.
***It was around this point I lost concept of what I was doing, then who I was... then followed by where I was... then, "what" I was. Somewhere in the middle, language is completely lost (time slightly before language), and thoughts form in odd, usually overwhelming, "conceptual" ways. This series of losses is in order, but I jumped ahead, because what I'll report next may not be in the best order anyways. I'd like to make an interesting note I've discovered about tripping; although short term memory can be very diminished, it is not as bad as you remember the next day. By this I mean, at the time slightly after taking these deep breaths, I "appeared" out in my living room on the recliner. That is what my memory tells me now, a blackout followed by me appearing there. However when tripping, its very likely I was aware of walking. ***
At this point I'm on my recliner, gently rocking back and forth. On my scale of losses, I'm losing the "who" and "where" but the "where" is more slow, since I can somewhat relate what I'm seeing to what seems like a very distant old memory. The visual effects are so amazing that it is making me physically nervous. I see the ceiling undulating and waving like it is getting just a meter off the floor, then back up 20 meters. This was only going on in the more well-lit center of the room, so I didn't have an instinctual idea to cover my head and hope to not get crushed.
I knew this was some experiment, some mental dimension I entered willingly but realized I gave up control when I did so. The floor rippled with purple yellow liquid, it was covering the floor and my distorted slippers splashed in it. I began to deliberately play in it, and felt child-like for a few moments despite the harsh mental intensity. This intensity began to rage, and I got up and ran, feeling like I had to dodge all this visual chaos; the walls bending towards me, pictures on the wall of people I love appeared demon-like which I didn't have a chance to be disturbed at yet. I ran to my bed, my safe-haven. (I've ran to my bed even when camping back in the woods after 'trip goes to shove'.)
The darkness is illuminated by a very small 20-watt lamp in there. I feel like it is extremely bright though, and the waves pierce my eyes with an attitude, and an audible jabbing noise "exemplifies" the piercing. This noise seemed to be the light itself taking on some kind of malevolence to me. Having lost concept of a switch at this point, I frustratingly, and for sure with one hell of a wincing on my face, batted the thing with my hand. It tipped over on its side and fell behind my nightstand but continued to shine. This time the jabbing noises "chfff chfff chfff" increased in frequency tenfold. I then got up and pushed the nightstand into it, smashing it against the wall and with some more force, turned light into darkness. A nice illustration of how abnormally slow time to me was moving, in the 3-4 seconds it took to smash my lamp, I noticed my skin which appeared to have scales, a greenish glow, and my hands which appeared very alien, and thought about them and marveled at them with awe as well as a scared form of disgust. Had I been on a normal dose, this thinking and observing process I went through may have taken at least a minute or two to take in.
I lay there in the dark, now having lost all the "where" and the "what", I am. It is not dark though, and I'm not in my bedroom. I remember one small memory of standing on some white plane, white all around except for a huge wall, going into infinity 2-dimensionally. It had more color than anything. I was trying to study it. I didn't have hands, and couldn't see any part of myself, but I was using something to study all the color and non-random drawings. I could see shapes and a writing of some kind, but just stating what I saw only deadens the idea... this thing can't be described, and I truly believe that this was a mega-terabyte image I was looking at. Intricacy at its damned finest... The "tool" I was using somehow allowed me to look "up" at exceptionally high distance, almost like I could move my observation point up at will, but it didn't seem like "I" was moving at all. I also looked "forward", but I seemed to focus most of my abilities to studying "up" on this wall.
My memory, very unfortunately, ceases to record for a while. If I could pay 1000$ per minute and had the money I'd definitely buy the lost memory, but thank the whole Universe that I remember the Wall of Astonishment (such a piss-poor name but what can I do? I'm using language, something damn near incompatible with description of such far-out states of being). I come to (but more like my memory starts recording again, I highly doubt I was unconscious), still seeing residue visual effects, and the birds are chirping, with some pre-dawn light shining through my blinds. I noticed warm wetness which quickly became cool when I stood up: I had urinated myself.
I go to turn on the light, feeling very confused. I don't immediately remember why it is smashed behind my nightstand, so I turn on the bright overhead light. I see papers everywhere. I have some files from an old job locked up in a filing cabinet (an uninteresting job so no need for me to get into detail), they were scattered in rows, columns, as well as unorganized crumbled up piles. I instead focus what very little energy I have into finding clean dry clothes to change into. After that, I do a quick room-to-room search. I must have stayed in my bedroom most of the time, except to have broke the head off my record player (it makes a slight noise after the record is done. unfortunately I must have forgot how to turn it off and I picked up on this very faint noise). The clock reads 5:42am. Due to the confusion and anxiety I still feel, as well as nausea and fatigue I ingest 60mg temazepam (restoril). I organize my bed the best I can, which had the mattress cover torn off (in a damaged way), cover the wet spot with a towel, and wait for the pills to kick in. I still was tripping at what felt like an hour after the peak of a normal social dose for me, but with much more mental strain.
When the benzodiazepine enters my blood, there is little time to think thankfully, and I fall fast asleep. I awake at 2pm feeling still confused, like I had an overwhelming trip, but good enough to get through the day and try to dig at my memory as to what happened. I was very, unusually sore in my muscles.
It's weird to think that maybe I had done the very strange organizing of papers in complete darkness, but maybe I did find the lightswitch. I'm thinking this was probably done well past the peak; knowing myself, during the peak I likely stayed put physically and traveled with my mind.
Going through typing this all out was enjoyable, to jog my memory and get this as accurate as possible in my first ever report shared with internet, but typing this over an hour, left me with no strength to go through and read it to edit, so hope it turns out ok, I actually need to get my mind off this trip now!
But overall, despite some 'bad', I can't say I regret it. The Wall of Astonishment is now only a "few hundred kilobyte memory", but I will never forget it. The mind is such an amazing piece of equipment. I'm glad I can enhance mine with the "mushrooms program".
Alright, let me clear up the dosage issue here. Over the many, many years I've tripped i've noticed two types of tolerance which forms. One I'll call recent tolerance. This is a tolerance built up from tripping within the last two weeks. By the second week its pretty much gone, but it can cost noticeably more to trip 1 week or earler. I didn't have any "recent tolerance" before this trip. The other is "lifetime tolerance". This has built up slowly over the years, and honestly I have no idea what it is, only that it forms quite slow. This actually concerns me in a small way.
My lifetime tolerance is very high. I remember 30 years ago eating 5 grams and going out of my mind. Now, if I'm relaxing with a friend or two and want to be able to communicate, I won't take more than 15g. At the 15g mark is where things start to become weird and sometimes spiritual. After this mark, the effects rapidly increase with dose. So 17g might be like twice as strong as 15g, 18g perhaps three times stronger than 15g. Alone, past few years, I have ranged 7g-31.5g, but my average is probably 16; its my favorite dose. Those high doses can be very confusing and sometimes to the point of terror/blackouts and occasionally have to sedate myself (although then I feel like I've "lost" so try not to). The reason I risk it, is for the chance at that amazing trip, "pure-enliten-o'd" I call it, which is a rare and seriously life-changing trip different from all others; at times like a very different drug, but doesn't seem like a drug at all. The p-e-o'd trips usually start out scary/InTense then transform into amazing beauty which can and does change my life, at least for a few weeks.
So, it had been a year since I'd gone over 17g, and I wanted oh so badly a p-e-o'd trip (which had also been quite over a year). I obtained the fungus and separated out all the little silica gel packets. These were picked about a month earlier (I was told), and were crispy dry. I used an old balance scale and just kept slowly adding pieces until I felt like "they told me" to stop. I hadn't been looking at the meter on purpose, but there it was exactly on 20.0g. This kind of coincidence which, someone with too open of a mind might think is not a coincidence, is what I look for and usually take as a positive sign to proceed. Nice, even numbers in this case.
It was 8pm. I was alone at home (cept for my little old dog). No worries on my mind, took care of business to make sure it was like that. I stick the 20g into a blender and buzz them into powder/bits. I have started wearing a protective mask doing this due to having a bad cough for a week one time from inhaling shroom dust. I take what looks like half a cup of greyish brown shroom particles and mix them into my favorite ice cream, microwave it 15 seconds, and enjoy my dessert quickly, but not fast enough for a brain freeze (more like a brain melt was coming on). At 8:30pm I had finished the mix, on an empty stomach.
I put on an old soft rock record in the other room, quietly but just enough to barely hear, just to give a bit of "personality" to my house. I do have CDs but just can relate most to a record, and have many of them. Just ten minutes later I'm definitely feeling some physical effects. "Tightening" of stomach. Vessels in arms and legs may have contracted a little, not sure what really happens I'm just describing the feeling. I call up a friend of mine to chat with while it kicks in. I leave this person unaware of what I'd eaten with my ice cream, but soon it becomes hard to hide. The conversation is still comical in my memory. The following is around 9:15 and they are kicking in strong.
friend-"So I did see her. Even after all that shit happened WITH her cousin..."
me- "yeah... well (then mumbling: "you got to... yeah")
friend "(Grong) Are you on something? What'd you take? (in a slightly condescending but joking way)
me- (hysterical laughter which I couldn't recover from)
friend- enjoy your ride buddy, don't snare no trees (old joke between us about tripping too hard)
What he said did seem funny, but there was some new cosmic dimension above the human experience which I was now connecting to, so his petty story induced intense laughter, as well as the fact that I was a human talking on a phone, to a friend, who was talking about some relationship. These wires, the electricity we talk through, all the phenomena then started to overtake me. It went from hilarious to intensely in "scientific/philosophical-awe" mode. I just realized my friend was 300 miles away, a few weeks hike... but, I was just talking to him. Those words started to repeat into an uncomfortable loop: "I was just talking to him.... 300 miles? I was just talking to him.... 2 states away, right here, just talking to him..."
My next memory is laying on my bed, don't remember going there, but know the intensity seemed to be increasing each second. I started to feel gripped by an evil presence. I knew I had a method to deal with it (the sedative), but I just couldn't put together in my head that I was on a "drug" and I needed another to get me off it. No, that was way too much. The best I could do was go along with these faint, subconscious impulses to take deep breaths and try to "center" myself.
***It was around this point I lost concept of what I was doing, then who I was... then followed by where I was... then, "what" I was. Somewhere in the middle, language is completely lost (time slightly before language), and thoughts form in odd, usually overwhelming, "conceptual" ways. This series of losses is in order, but I jumped ahead, because what I'll report next may not be in the best order anyways. I'd like to make an interesting note I've discovered about tripping; although short term memory can be very diminished, it is not as bad as you remember the next day. By this I mean, at the time slightly after taking these deep breaths, I "appeared" out in my living room on the recliner. That is what my memory tells me now, a blackout followed by me appearing there. However when tripping, its very likely I was aware of walking. ***
At this point I'm on my recliner, gently rocking back and forth. On my scale of losses, I'm losing the "who" and "where" but the "where" is more slow, since I can somewhat relate what I'm seeing to what seems like a very distant old memory. The visual effects are so amazing that it is making me physically nervous. I see the ceiling undulating and waving like it is getting just a meter off the floor, then back up 20 meters. This was only going on in the more well-lit center of the room, so I didn't have an instinctual idea to cover my head and hope to not get crushed.
I knew this was some experiment, some mental dimension I entered willingly but realized I gave up control when I did so. The floor rippled with purple yellow liquid, it was covering the floor and my distorted slippers splashed in it. I began to deliberately play in it, and felt child-like for a few moments despite the harsh mental intensity. This intensity began to rage, and I got up and ran, feeling like I had to dodge all this visual chaos; the walls bending towards me, pictures on the wall of people I love appeared demon-like which I didn't have a chance to be disturbed at yet. I ran to my bed, my safe-haven. (I've ran to my bed even when camping back in the woods after 'trip goes to shove'.)
The darkness is illuminated by a very small 20-watt lamp in there. I feel like it is extremely bright though, and the waves pierce my eyes with an attitude, and an audible jabbing noise "exemplifies" the piercing. This noise seemed to be the light itself taking on some kind of malevolence to me. Having lost concept of a switch at this point, I frustratingly, and for sure with one hell of a wincing on my face, batted the thing with my hand. It tipped over on its side and fell behind my nightstand but continued to shine. This time the jabbing noises "chfff chfff chfff" increased in frequency tenfold. I then got up and pushed the nightstand into it, smashing it against the wall and with some more force, turned light into darkness. A nice illustration of how abnormally slow time to me was moving, in the 3-4 seconds it took to smash my lamp, I noticed my skin which appeared to have scales, a greenish glow, and my hands which appeared very alien, and thought about them and marveled at them with awe as well as a scared form of disgust. Had I been on a normal dose, this thinking and observing process I went through may have taken at least a minute or two to take in.
I lay there in the dark, now having lost all the "where" and the "what", I am. It is not dark though, and I'm not in my bedroom. I remember one small memory of standing on some white plane, white all around except for a huge wall, going into infinity 2-dimensionally. It had more color than anything. I was trying to study it. I didn't have hands, and couldn't see any part of myself, but I was using something to study all the color and non-random drawings. I could see shapes and a writing of some kind, but just stating what I saw only deadens the idea... this thing can't be described, and I truly believe that this was a mega-terabyte image I was looking at. Intricacy at its damned finest... The "tool" I was using somehow allowed me to look "up" at exceptionally high distance, almost like I could move my observation point up at will, but it didn't seem like "I" was moving at all. I also looked "forward", but I seemed to focus most of my abilities to studying "up" on this wall.
My memory, very unfortunately, ceases to record for a while. If I could pay 1000$ per minute and had the money I'd definitely buy the lost memory, but thank the whole Universe that I remember the Wall of Astonishment (such a piss-poor name but what can I do? I'm using language, something damn near incompatible with description of such far-out states of being). I come to (but more like my memory starts recording again, I highly doubt I was unconscious), still seeing residue visual effects, and the birds are chirping, with some pre-dawn light shining through my blinds. I noticed warm wetness which quickly became cool when I stood up: I had urinated myself.
I go to turn on the light, feeling very confused. I don't immediately remember why it is smashed behind my nightstand, so I turn on the bright overhead light. I see papers everywhere. I have some files from an old job locked up in a filing cabinet (an uninteresting job so no need for me to get into detail), they were scattered in rows, columns, as well as unorganized crumbled up piles. I instead focus what very little energy I have into finding clean dry clothes to change into. After that, I do a quick room-to-room search. I must have stayed in my bedroom most of the time, except to have broke the head off my record player (it makes a slight noise after the record is done. unfortunately I must have forgot how to turn it off and I picked up on this very faint noise). The clock reads 5:42am. Due to the confusion and anxiety I still feel, as well as nausea and fatigue I ingest 60mg temazepam (restoril). I organize my bed the best I can, which had the mattress cover torn off (in a damaged way), cover the wet spot with a towel, and wait for the pills to kick in. I still was tripping at what felt like an hour after the peak of a normal social dose for me, but with much more mental strain.
When the benzodiazepine enters my blood, there is little time to think thankfully, and I fall fast asleep. I awake at 2pm feeling still confused, like I had an overwhelming trip, but good enough to get through the day and try to dig at my memory as to what happened. I was very, unusually sore in my muscles.
It's weird to think that maybe I had done the very strange organizing of papers in complete darkness, but maybe I did find the lightswitch. I'm thinking this was probably done well past the peak; knowing myself, during the peak I likely stayed put physically and traveled with my mind.
Going through typing this all out was enjoyable, to jog my memory and get this as accurate as possible in my first ever report shared with internet, but typing this over an hour, left me with no strength to go through and read it to edit, so hope it turns out ok, I actually need to get my mind off this trip now!
But overall, despite some 'bad', I can't say I regret it. The Wall of Astonishment is now only a "few hundred kilobyte memory", but I will never forget it. The mind is such an amazing piece of equipment. I'm glad I can enhance mine with the "mushrooms program".
Mega-terrabytes of data indeed!