Juicewrldfan
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Dec 10, 2022
- Messages
- 1,543
So, I just wanted to share my experience with this dangerous drug. I read about it here on bluelight about three weeks ago and was sober for several months at the time but my cravings got the best of me and I thought that I would try it just one time…and I knew better. I found myself using every day multiple times a day. Most days I was using 3 cottons extracted in Pepsi and then some days I would dose again with 2 cottons. On thanksgiving I felt like such a drug addict. I rarely get to see my family and I drove down to Kentucky to see my family for thanksgiving and I was high on the way down figured it would be gone by the time I got there and I could enjoy time with them but I ended up being a super dope fiend and telling them I felt super sick, needed to lay down and I stayed in the spare bedroom the entire day and night doing Benzedrex and looking at porn. I felt so fucking disgusted with myself like I’m some kind of super drug addict pervert and I traded that for much needed valuable time with my family. I ended up doing 10 cottons that day. Not all at once. Just two here and three there etc.
Fast forward to this past Thursday, I decide I’m quoting this shit once and for all. I get worried about my heart, vasoconstriction and blood pressure so I decide to go to the ER and be honest with them about everything. Well, I ended up dosing before I went in case they admitted me to the psych ward or something because I was feeling super depressed and suicidal. I’m tired of dragging my family thru relapse after relapse after relapse and losing good jobs and having to start over. I’m tired of putting my wife thru the worry and having to take care of the bills by herself after I lose my job due to relapsing over and over again. And Ive always thought I would change and that this is it I’m clean hit a good job and I’m going to stay that way, but then I eventually relapse again and again and I’m starting to believe them when they tell me that I’ll never change and I don’t want to live like this. I’m tired of the pain that I put myself and my love ones thru and a part of me feels like it would be better for everyone if I just gave them closure and just take a lethal overdose of fetty and be done with this struggle. Then they wouldn’t have to worry anymore and I wouldn’t give them raise hopes only to fail them again and again.
Anyway I am getting sidetracked, I took more of a dose than I ever do that day I went to the ER, I took 4 cottons at once and they were really slow at getting some benzos into me and I started getting confused about where I was and would be talking no not realizing it and then my vision got really blurry I couldn’t read anything at all. It was only my near sighted vision and I normally have 20/20 vision. I tell the doctors and they finally get me some Ativan which I feel like was too little too late because it didn’t help until they gave me a second dose later. Well they send me for a CT of my brain to look for a brain bleed and they didn’t find a brain bleed but said that I had damaged some small vessels due to minor ischemias and them not getting enough oxygen.
They also said something about how my brain a supposed to have two holes in the back for cerebral spinal fluid or something and that they have widened significantly.
Fortunately, once my blood pressure finally went down my eye sight returned. I was fearful I was going to be permanently blind. Mind you the entire time I was using Benzedrex I was taking aspirin and staying hydrated. And taking potassium and magnesium supplements plus eating regularly.
I did as much as I could to do it safely without having access to benzos. If I had access to benzos maybe this wouldn’t have happened. I just wanted to warn people that this drug can really cause some damage without you even realizing it.
I do realize that I used it the wrong way by doing it daily but I just couldn’t stop no matter how many times I told myself I wasn’t going to go down to the store and get Benzedrex, I’d find myself in the cold and allergy aisle at cvs every day.
I guess I just suck at self control. Anyway, I hope everyone stays safe and has a happy holiday.0
Fast forward to this past Thursday, I decide I’m quoting this shit once and for all. I get worried about my heart, vasoconstriction and blood pressure so I decide to go to the ER and be honest with them about everything. Well, I ended up dosing before I went in case they admitted me to the psych ward or something because I was feeling super depressed and suicidal. I’m tired of dragging my family thru relapse after relapse after relapse and losing good jobs and having to start over. I’m tired of putting my wife thru the worry and having to take care of the bills by herself after I lose my job due to relapsing over and over again. And Ive always thought I would change and that this is it I’m clean hit a good job and I’m going to stay that way, but then I eventually relapse again and again and I’m starting to believe them when they tell me that I’ll never change and I don’t want to live like this. I’m tired of the pain that I put myself and my love ones thru and a part of me feels like it would be better for everyone if I just gave them closure and just take a lethal overdose of fetty and be done with this struggle. Then they wouldn’t have to worry anymore and I wouldn’t give them raise hopes only to fail them again and again.
Anyway I am getting sidetracked, I took more of a dose than I ever do that day I went to the ER, I took 4 cottons at once and they were really slow at getting some benzos into me and I started getting confused about where I was and would be talking no not realizing it and then my vision got really blurry I couldn’t read anything at all. It was only my near sighted vision and I normally have 20/20 vision. I tell the doctors and they finally get me some Ativan which I feel like was too little too late because it didn’t help until they gave me a second dose later. Well they send me for a CT of my brain to look for a brain bleed and they didn’t find a brain bleed but said that I had damaged some small vessels due to minor ischemias and them not getting enough oxygen.
They also said something about how my brain a supposed to have two holes in the back for cerebral spinal fluid or something and that they have widened significantly.
Fortunately, once my blood pressure finally went down my eye sight returned. I was fearful I was going to be permanently blind. Mind you the entire time I was using Benzedrex I was taking aspirin and staying hydrated. And taking potassium and magnesium supplements plus eating regularly.
I did as much as I could to do it safely without having access to benzos. If I had access to benzos maybe this wouldn’t have happened. I just wanted to warn people that this drug can really cause some damage without you even realizing it.
I do realize that I used it the wrong way by doing it daily but I just couldn’t stop no matter how many times I told myself I wasn’t going to go down to the store and get Benzedrex, I’d find myself in the cold and allergy aisle at cvs every day.
I guess I just suck at self control. Anyway, I hope everyone stays safe and has a happy holiday.0