Do you have trouble concentrating at work or in school? Are you always worn out, tired, or just plain lazy? Does it seem like there’s just not enough time in the day? Are you really freaking fat? Don’t worry. There’s a solution out there, and it just so happens to be….EPHEDRINE DOPE! With this street pharmaceutical prescribed especially by me, Dr. K, heavy loads of work suddenly become simple everyday tasks, your job performance optimum, and all that stress you’ve been building up has suddenly disappeared! Ephedrine dope really works, by boosting efficiency, energy, confidence, and lifting one’s emotional and physical well being.
Ephedrine dope, its scientific name being dextro-methamphetamine, is a synthetic stimulant that works by causing dopamine and serotonin reuptake transporters to work in reverse and binding them to their receptors. This chemical promotes alertness, enhanced metabolism, accelerated heart rate, sexuality, as well as a euphoric mental and physical high, resulting in increased motivation and overall happiness. Because dopamine and serotonin are the two chemicals that regulate appetite and sleep, you may go for days without feeling the need to sleep or eat. And who needs sleep? You end up with an extra 5-12 hours everyday all to yourself, without feeling fatigued one bit! Pretty soon you’ll have people approaching you with statements like, “Wow, look at you, you’re busy as a bee. Where did you get all this energy?” And it can be your little secret (WOWZ!!!)! Who needs food, when anorexia is in nowadays? Nothing screams fashion and sex appeal quite like the look of famine and malnourishment. One customer wrote to me, “I’m sick and tired of being teased for my weight and called names like Fatty McBastard! I strive to achieve the perfection of beauty otherwise known as Crack Whore Model stardom of Hollywood.” No problem! With Dr. K’s synthetic remedy, you’ll realize that: “The more stuff you melt, the more the stuff melts off you!” You won’t eat, you won’t sleep, AND you’ll have the cleanest house on the street. What a lifesaver!
Many other “business entrepreneurs” will attempt to sell you cheap imitations of synthesized methamphetamines, such as caffeine, pseudo-ephedrine, and cocaine. But don’t be fooled, for these generic replacements are not the real deal. I would merely like to illustrate one point to you: George Bush was a cokehead. Therefore, it is safe to conclude that cocaine is for impotent pansies. On the other hand, Adolf Hitler was a meth-head. Granted, Hitler’s moral standing was certainly questionable, but studies have shown that he was mentally instable prior to meth use, thus he did not suffer from methamphetamine psychosis. Also consider the fact that John F. Kennedy IV’ed dextro-methamphetamine on a daily basis as well. With so many functional historic figures achieving success, ephedrine has GOT to be good for you! But hurry! Supplies are limited, so if you get a bulk order of 1 ounce or more, we’ll throw in an 8-ball, for free! And in spirit of 4/20, you’ll also receive a free lighter, a free mixing spoon, a free roll of aluminum foil, and a free straw! A 7 dollar value, all yours, if you rush deliver today!
Some people develop a tolerance to their prescription and may find it difficult to support their habit. But the obvious answer to make monetary ends meet is simply by whoring yourself out. And remember guys, with prostitution, it’s not just for women anymore! You see, with Dr. K’s two-step program, you first take the ephedrine dope to look good, and then use your looks to get the ephedrine dope. It’s genius! With the help of this prescription, it will heighten your sexuality, thus improving your performance in bed. If you’re afraid of shady hustlers, there’s no need to be. Ephedrine dope increases aggressiveness and obliterates the bounds of mental sanity, so nobody will take advantage of you! And aren’t you sick of people walking all over you? So what are you waiting for? Order today, it’s no coincidence that I’m giving you this offer on Hitler’s birthday. With ephedrine dope, making your life perfect will be as easy as using a light bulb! Ka-ching!
The very meaning for your existence is all in the power of the crystal ball. It’s like holding a little piece of heaven…So remember, when you’ve lost all reason to live, just go straight to the answer: Ephedrine dope.