productive.

Even though my drug use has been pretty bad I've actually been being super productive. It seems as of I am always doing something to better myself lately rather than fuck with my friends and just score drugs. I got extra hours at work and have been even picking up hours for others so my paychecks have been pretty fat, now that's the shit I like... I also even took my placement test for college yesterday and am scheduled to pick out my classes. Oddly, I have become excited over the fact that I'm going back to school since I feel as if I've been wasting away more than ever. I'm actually proud of myself for once and it was good to see my mom so happy for me that she cried tears of joy. I know she wants the best for me and she'd rather know that I am trying to better myself and my life instead of doing heroin or other shit. I don't want to only be able to tell my mother that I do heroin and fucked up again. Instead I want to tell her about what I'm accomplishing that is actually worth even stating, I hate just telling her shit that breaks her heart. Yeah, I'm fucking with heroin and shit still which I haven't let on but everytime I use o have a feeling she knows, she probably does. Damn I'm starting to think I need to get clean again but I'm not going to.... I'm not going to lie to myself and try to deny the fact I want to use heroin but I know its not going to help things. I'm better off just smoking weed but once you start using heroin its all you can think about at times even though you try to tell yourself you dont need or crave it.
 
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cj
Its great that you are being productive and about to start college!!! Just keep in mind that the longer you continue this run with heroin the harder it will become to control IME its really hard to hold all that shit together long term. But I really do hope you can manage it and most importantly continue being happy!
 
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