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Privies, Jakes, Bogs, Commodes and Thunder Boxes: Your Toilet Stories

I suffer from paruresis -- Simon could never, ever use a urinal, or pee in bushes. Opiates make it even worse. That's the thing about boyplumbing; there's a valve whose function it is to prevent you from pissing yourself whilst On The Job, lest it demonstrate its (too mild to be relied upon seriously as a contraceptive) spermicidal property, and in some individuals it can close too tightly when not even wanted. In other individuals, of course, it opens too readily, and they probably are as jealous of us as we are of them.

There was one forgettable time, after a heavy night on the gear, when I spent an hour trying to get a widdle started. My partner-in-crime was getting worried; she thought I'd passed out, or fallen down the hole or something. No such luck. Imagine trying to get a tennis ball through a bent drinking straw ..... It wasn't even a pleasant experience when I finally did manage to deliver a slow trickle of deep amber urine. (Where does all the fluid go anyway? I was not drinking any less than usual .....)
 
^
I suffer with the same problem!
I dont have any boundry issues but if someone else enters the public lav while im at a urinal then my internal stop-cock turns all the way off and it also happens at night even if im alone...thats likely because of consuming opiates all day though.

"boy plumbing".....lol
 
Also, the phantom wee syndrome on MDMA and the like.

So annoying! And even when I actually go, I just wanna go again in ten mins
 
Always swore if I that ever happened to me, I would cite the local council (who closed all the public toilets) and every bar and restaurant with a "Toilets are for customers' use only" sign (meaningless anyway: entering even just to use the toilet makes one a customer) for Aiding and Abetting on a scale tantamout to perverting the course of justice.

Actually, it's pretty unlikely to happen to me, for the above-mentioned reasons. (And -- since there's officially no such thing as TMI in this thread anymore -- in any hypothetical non-toilet toilet scenario, I would squat. Unless those piddling stick deeleys become massively popular in the meantime, anyway. I figure it gives me a flying chance of not being read.) But someone seriously needs to try it, for the sake of everyone with kidneys.

What's WHP?
 
i have a Toilet story but i'm saving it 4 the esa form :o

Public toilets are still free in aquae Sulis . It's a gift n a curse cos i would pay for half an hour in the US style uber Toilets .

To stop folk using drugs in one prolific junkie bog , it is made so if there are 2 people sensed in the cubicle the door opens 8o So all n sundry can see you n your PIC divying up the gear . So one stands on the sink ! n the other uses the Floor to split the package .

These bogs are only for council employees they get a special key thing .

My pal was doing the street sweeping n had the key . Only problem was the fukin huge cart he had 4 the job we stashed it in the Church . All cos i won't buy a ten bag.

See in the last week 6 folk have been giving out NO.s . they are Gyro dealers n want £10 4 a .2 which is actually .15 . But folk that buy of these lowly bottom feeders don't have scales n never have so they think a .2 is .... big when in fact a real .2 is massive .

They see an 8th n think it'sa 1/4 or even a half oz .

Toilet Junkies .
 
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BecomingJulie said:
Opiates make it even worse.
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Opiates destroyed my ability to piss, or shit (when on them). I'd get horrendous stage-fright, when pissing, and it was horrible. Almost worse than the fucking constipation. I can't stress milk of magnesia enough, to people needing to shit. It's absolutely magical, with none of the cramps and horrendous shits of normal laxatives. It works by drawing water into your colon, rather than making your colon spaz like fuck. I'm only plugging it (get it?), because it's helped me out of some shitty situations, where I'd have been passing a basketball. It just rehydrates it all, and stops that horrendous straining. I suppose it's for junkies who are never without opiates, which probably isn't that many. It's a must for stopping opiate constipation, especially codeine, in my opinion.

oscthebooklad said:
the Wearhouse Project is a (slightly) over commercialised call back to 90's rave culture. Big deal in manchester. Basically twice a week from september through to december they put on bangin rave nights. Its a sick night- recommend it if ur ever near manc.

Documentary:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=af5zvJFU9f8
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Yeah, it's pretty good. Same people who do Parklife. WHP started off amazingly, with hardcore and stuff. It was like a proper rave, but the security are now overly harsh, and there's dogs and shit. It's bollocks. I pretty much got fingered in my arse, at Parklife, by some security guy. Shame he didn't check inside my boxers, pinned in them. Very glad I made that move. To be fair, it was no worse than other searches I've had, especially once, at Download festival. My first and only proper search there. They underestimate how much drug use goes on, by 'moshers'. This was extremely invasive, where the guy checking me (I believe) had just seen me hide a bottle of GBL. It was legal, at the time, but I don't think anyone would have been impressed, at me having 'that date-rape drug' on me. I stuck it down my shorts, and he touched almost every inch of my body. He literally touched the bottle, that's how close to my cock he got. I think he thought it was my cock, and let me go. He looked at me, after, as if to say 'where the FUCK did you hide that?!'. I fucking shit my pants, almost. Anyway, bit off-topic. Can't really add 'and dodgy moments with bouncers you've had'....can we? ;)
 
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Not sure of the dose, prob about 10ml but milk of magnesia is used for lots of complaints and shouldnt draw any unwelcome attention at the pharmacy.
If you go to your GP with constipation problems they can prescribe lactulose which works in thesame way as the milk of magnesia but in some cases is a little more effective.
 
badandwicked said:
Grade 2 listed urinals in Gloucestershire, can't remember the name of the pub. I pissed in them, with my penis and all that. And then listened to someone play the banjo, sounded great.

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Nice to know theres some old fashioned, traditional kind of guys still out there.lol
 
Treacle said:
If anyone can find Tambo's story of the time he forgot he had pills in his boxers, that has to go in here! I believe it's in Best of Bluelight. Still one of the funniest things I've read. Also, Kappa's 'shitty' story...
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That story is fucking hilarious! (& has great imagery!) =D
 
yeah hahha its half the fun though... it feels nice to know u can just chunder everywhere and nobody will give a shit (pun intended)
 
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