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Post MDMA sorrow

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Mitchi

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 5, 2010
Messages
614
Hi

I have not taken MDMA a whole lot of times, but I do feel like the "post MDMA depression" is not depression but sorrow. I believe there is a big difference.

Any thoughts on this one?
 
that does make sense to me. The way I think about it, a chronic sorrowful state would be considered depression and a temporary state of sorrow would be, simply, sorrow (or an MDMA comedown).
 
That was not what I was thinking. I feel there is a somewhat difference between sorrow and depression.

Like, in a depressive state, there is a total indeference to everything (my opinion/experience). i could loose my arm and I would not really care, while the state following MDMA, is like you really feel a loss (and you care about it)
 
Hmm..I guess you could say that I felt depressed during my MDMA comedown. I was just really upset that it had ended and I wanted to go up again because I have never felt so comfortable and significant in this world than when I was rolling. A few days after I sobered, my emotions were off the wall. I remember waking up extremely pissed off and drove to go pick up a to go order for my friend and I by myself. On my way home, I was no longer angry but sadness had taken over and I just started bawling at the wheel. By the time I got home I was better, and my mood only went up from that point. After that I felt as if I could care less whether I rolled again or not, but I would like to eventually if at all possible; whereas before that I felt as if I must find that high again.
 
Yea i kinda get what you mean. MDMA is such a strong emotional experience, memories start pouring out of your head while your rolling. Especially when your at raves where you meet so many new people and form strong connections with them all. Then you wake up the next day and your tripped out by the idea that it all happened LAST night. Something feels missing from your soul at that point, o how i love and hate MDMA : |
 
Mitchi said:
That was not what I was thinking. I feel there is a somewhat difference between sorrow and depression.

Like, in a depressive state, there is a total indeference to everything (my opinion/experience). i could loose my arm and I would not really care, while the state following MDMA, is like you really feel a loss (and you care about it)
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The last time I took mdma(3 months ago, approx 200mg) I felt extreme sorrow a few hours after taking it, and possibly moments of depression or at least complete sadness at times too (suicidal feelings for sure). I think there's a fine line between the two, atleast for me there is. If sorrow leads to suicidal tendencies surely that's close enough to depression? Way too intense for me that last time was. I personally think it's left me feeling easily able to be agitated even now 3 months on, and more easier to forget things, but it's impossible hard to prove. My memory has never been great, but I do feel in a bit of haze it seems, although it could be me analysing it more. The thing is I felt fine (comedown wise) after sleeping, it was just literally the few hours after dropping that I felt shit. And no, I didn't test it. Never ever will take anything un-tested again, If I do take anything that is.
 
I feel a very anxious depression after rolling hard. I guess i should say i struggle with anxiety in general, but my thoughts will loop on some fucked up shit, intrusive thoughts. If i take less then most of the time i glow after with a kind of freedom from anxiett and depression. Dosing is very important for me to get right.
 
Is there a hard a fast rule as to where your depressed about something or feeling sorrow? The words are often used to explain the same condition - so I would as the 'OP' why they think that they are feeling 'sorrow' as opposed to feeling depressed. Sorrow is usually used to describe how your feeling about a particular thing (loss of a certain thing) when depression could be used to describe generally feeling down.

An example -
You may be feeling 'sorrow' after losing an item - you would be described (by others) as being depressed. Its very rare that you would say to somebody - they are feeling 'sorrow'.
 
how the gods chill said:
I feel a very anxious depression after rolling hard. I guess i should say i struggle with anxiety in general, but my thoughts will loop on some fucked up shit, intrusive thoughts. If i take less then most of the time i glow after with a kind of freedom from anxiett and depression. Dosing is very important for me to get right.
Click to expand...

Exactly what I get man, it drives me/you mental,lol. Maybe I took too much like you suggest. That was by far the best/worst mdma I've had.
 
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Bearlove said:
Is there a hard a fast rule as to where your depressed about something or feeling sorrow? The words are often used to explain the same condition - so I would as the 'OP' why they think that they are feeling 'sorrow' as opposed to feeling depressed. Sorrow is usually used to describe how your feeling about a particular thing (loss of a certain thing) when depression could be used to describe generally feeling down.

An example -
You may be feeling 'sorrow' after losing an item - you would be described (by others) as being depressed. Its very rare that you would say to somebody - they are feeling 'sorrow'.
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I agree. I think it's that feeling you get of 'no way out'.... Gives me shivers just thinking of it. I don't wana feel that anytime soon. I think I kind of get it in certain nightmares to an extent. Remember when I was younger getting that exact same feeling from nightmares- Really intense where things just get worse and worse, and feel a physical build-up of pressure in my mind. Freedy Kruger would be a walk in the park compared to one of them ones...
 
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Yeah "sorrow" for me is loss of something but this is mainly what happens after mdma, it's usually a night i look forward to for some time, then it's amazing and i meet tonnes of people but in a blink it's over, and your back home with a comedown. don't really think low levels of serotonin has anything to do with that I think it's only natural to feel sad about that
 
It is the low levels of serotonin man, its almost impossible to feel happy with low levels of serotonin. When recovering from MDMA, playing games on the pc which is usually fun for me doesn't interest me AT ALL. It goes hand in hand man, i don't want to do anything fun after recovering from mdma. Just sit and watch tv and try to recover with a head full of empty emotions. So glad I'm over that faze of rolling every month or so.
 
samnslumberland said:
Hmm..I guess you could say that I felt depressed during my MDMA comedown. I was just really upset that it had ended and I wanted to go up again because I have never felt so comfortable and significant in this world than when I was rolling. A few days after I sobered, my emotions were off the wall. I remember waking up extremely pissed off and drove to go pick up a to go order for my friend and I by myself. On my way home, I was no longer angry but sadness had taken over and I just started bawling at the wheel. By the time I got home I was better, and my mood only went up from that point. After that I felt as if I could care less whether I rolled again or not, but I would like to eventually if at all possible; whereas before that I felt as if I must find that high again.
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Strange. I've tried the same thing. After breaking down, I was more happy for about 1 month than i had ever been. I was walking around with a huge grin on my face, all day long. Then it disappeared in an instant. Maybe for the best... I mean, I might have a been a bit too happy.
 
Mitchi said:
Strange. I've tried the same thing. After breaking down, I was more happy for about 1 month than i had ever been. I was walking around with a huge grin on my face, all day long. Then it disappeared in an instant. Maybe for the best... I mean, I might have a been a bit too happy.
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Inability to control your face muscles (ie: your perma-smile) is also related to a lack of serotonin. You probably didn't abuse E as hard as the people who felt depressed, though.
 
Mitchi said:
Strange. I've tried the same thing. After breaking down, I was more happy for about 1 month than i had ever been. I was walking around with a huge grin on my face, all day long. Then it disappeared in an instant. Maybe for the best... I mean, I might have a been a bit too happy.
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That's nice to hear, because I have yet to hear of somebody having an emotional breakdown; I felt intensely bipolar. I'm not saying that I'm glad that you experienced what I did, but it is refreshing to know that it's normal. Although it was tough at the time, it's unfortunately worth it for me to roll again.
 
when i first started doing md i used to love the afterglow and never got the blues or depression...that soon changed though
 
More often then not, I've experienced nice afterglows rather than depression or sorrow. Be sure to test everything you get. Often harsh after effects can be attributed to other adulterants.
 
Significant neurotoxicity experience here:

"Sorrow" is a very appropriate term.
But those of you that have felt post-roll depression have only glimpsed the reality that awaits the unfortunate minority of MDMA users on this side of the fence. You haven't even begun to understand what sorrow is.

Sorrow so deep, its inescapable.
Sorrow so permanent, its infinite.

A vast emptiness, a chasm of sorrow.
Its like attending your own funeral - every day, for years.
You are dead inside - no emotions exist aside from suffering.

Sorrow to the point of complete exhaustion.
You can't eat, sleep, or think without the constant chasm of sorrow squeezing out every last particle of hope and happiness you have.
It is a time machine that travels back to your childhood and steals away from you memories of joy.

The loss of self is impressive and relentless.
It simply.
never.

stops.

Once you have been drained of all life, all personality, all identity - only then will your sorrow begin to leave you.
It was the improvement of my anxiety around 12 months of recovery that coincided with the beginning of true cognitive changes and losses.
And I am still VERY sad - less intense but very persistent.

All the research that shows a lack of cognitive problems among current MDMA users are flawed, because they are looking at current users.
It is only after a VERY long period of abstinence that you can truly know what changes you have made to yourself.

Sorrow.
My name is FBC and I approve this message.
 
^^That has to be one of the best posts I have read to date.

Awesome piece of writing FBC.

I appreciate your suffering as I am in a similiar place myself but your posts never fail to inspire me.
 
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