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Post here if you need a bit of love

I've partied too much in the last 4 months...I accept my cocaine use as an addiction and absolutely want to change. I love sleeping but I have insomnia when I do coke obviously and the last 2 weeks I've really gotten to the extreme levels of use. The school semester started a week ago and I've missed a bunch of class and told my teachers I had the flu when in reality I was recovering from the stimulants draining effects on my mind and body. This morning I almost fell asleep which is good after doing a g of coke but I woke right back up; I ended up going to 7/11 and bought a Four Loco so I could relax a little more (at 630am :/ ) Cocaine is obviously the substance I have issues with but it goes hand in hand with alcohol. I have high goals in my life but I find it hard to find my will power even though in general I love life and live happily. So yeah I could say I need some luvv lol. Hopefully today is my final experience of drug use and I can recover and sober up from this parasite.

The difficult part is the easiest thing; saying no. I totally enjoy my life when I'm sober (although I do enjoy to "escape" every once in a while) but it's a vicious cycle of cocaine use that has torn me apart. I still have no idea why I do it even though I'm such a passionate person in general.

I don't know but i'll probably add to this later when more thoughts come up. I've began to appreciate the bluelight community for its' openness which is the only reason I feel comfortable posting this.
 
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So here is some love for you, desertracer:<3

The Bluelight community is certainly open and I'm glad you feel willing to put these thoughts down and share them here. The first step is recognizing the problem and you've taken that step. You can use both TDS and the Sober Living forum to get support while you are developing your strategies for how you will be able to "say no". I think one thing that can really help in changing any habit that is detrimental to your well-being is saying "yes' to all the positives like goal setting, physical exercise, healthy eating, good sleep, meaningful connections with friends, adventures, spiritual explorations etc. All of these are positive motivators that can occur freely when your life is not consumed with the need for a drug. Crowd out the need for a negative motivation (saying no) with a ton of positive motivations. Good luck and I look forward to seeing your posts as you work through this.<3
 
desertracer543 said:
I've partied too much in the last 4 months...I accept my cocaine use as an addiction and absolutely want to change. I love sleeping but I have insomnia when I do coke obviously and the last 2 weeks I've really gotten to the extreme levels of use. The school semester started a week ago and I've missed a bunch of class and told my teachers I had the flu when in reality I was recovering from the stimulants draining effects on my mind and body. This morning I almost fell asleep which is good after doing a g of coke but I woke right back up; I ended up going to 7/11 and bought a Four Loco so I could relax a little more (at 630am :/ ) Cocaine is obviously the substance I have issues with but it goes hand in hand with alcohol. I have high goals in my life but I find it hard to find my will power even though in general I love life and live happily. So yeah I could say I need some luvv lol. Hopefully today is my final experience of drug use and I can recover and sober up from this parasite.

The difficult part is the easiest thing; saying no. I totally enjoy my life when I'm sober (although I do enjoy to "escape" every once in a while) but it's a vicious cycle of cocaine use that has torn me apart. I still have no idea why I do it even though I'm such a passionate person in general.

I don't know but i'll probably add to this later when more thoughts come up. I've began to appreciate the bluelight community for its' openness which is the only reason I feel comfortable posting this.
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((((desertracer)))) that's a hug. Addiction is tough n you can get through it with help. I think that's a good post from Herbavore. I don't really know much about cocaine but felt like giving you a virtual hug.

Evey xxxx
 
this is an awesome thread! Everyone does need some love from time to time....
I am good for the moment, but sending out heaps to all.
Love to bluelighters, you are an awesome bunch, my box is always open to anyone
 
I really really need some love. 2013 was the worst year of my life. As soon as 2014 came it felt like a relief. The problem is that relief was short lived because I need to make the changes necessary for happiness and a better life. A change in the date sadly doesnt fix things. I need to vent but I always feel silly and selfish doing so. People tend to be so self centered and never want to hear about anyone else.
 
lovelust said:
I really really need some love. 2013 was the worst year of my life. As soon as 2014 came it felt like a relief. The problem is that relief was short lived because I need to make the changes necessary for happiness and a better life. A change in the date sadly doesnt fix things. I need to vent but I always feel silly and selfish doing so. People tend to be so self centered and never want to hear about anyone else.
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Hi lovelust welcome to BL. 2013 wasn't the best year for me either but somehow made it through. Sending some love over to you <3
 
lovelust said:
I really really need some love. 2013 was the worst year of my life. As soon as 2014 came it felt like a relief. The problem is that relief was short lived because I need to make the changes necessary for happiness and a better life. A change in the date sadly doesnt fix things. I need to vent but I always feel silly and selfish doing so. People tend to be so self centered and never want to hear about anyone else.
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Hey there :) You've come to the right place. Sending some love and an ear your way. This is a place to listen and to be heard--receive and give if you can :) <3. You're not alone. It's not selfish or silly to want to be heard, even if it isn't something positive. Everyone deserves to have an outlet to vent. I hope you can find it here :).
 
lovelust said:
I really really need some love. 2013 was the worst year of my life. As soon as 2014 came it felt like a relief. The problem is that relief was short lived because I need to make the changes necessary for happiness and a better life. A change in the date sadly doesnt fix things. I need to vent but I always feel silly and selfish doing so. People tend to be so self centered and never want to hear about anyone else.
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((((Lovelust)))) let 2014 be your year! Xxxx
 
Needing some love here. My mom had a stroke recently and while in the hospital they found she had cancer, craziest thing I've had to deal with x.x
 
thcmike said:
Needing some love here. My mom had a stroke recently and while in the hospital they found she had cancer, craziest thing I've had to deal with x.x
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Oh no thcmike <3<3 I hope she survives this.
 
thcmike said:
Needing some love here. My mom had a stroke recently and while in the hospital they found she had cancer, craziest thing I've had to deal with x.x
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thats terrible, so sorry to hear that. <3

I need love. I'm just so alone in life. I'm just a hermit wasting my life away with many problems which I don't try to tackle. I'm pathetic.
 
floatingaround said:
thats terrible, so sorry to hear that. <3

I need love. I'm just so alone in life. I'm just a hermit wasting my life away with many problems which I don't try to tackle. I'm pathetic.
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WOW you put yourself down a lot, don't you?! You're NOT pathetic at all stop that. You're just going through a bad patch n you'll get through it (though longer with this attitude). I understand how it is to feel lonely n though ot may not be much, you have us here who speak to you n care about you.
Have you looked in your area to see if there are any groups you can join? Mane NA ? I don't know whether you agree with their philosophy but nonetheless it's a way of meeting people. You could look into volunteering , which is good for your CV as well as help you make friends.

Please try not to think of all your problems at once. Tackle one at a time. You would not go up a staircase by jumping from step 1 to step 13 n it is the same with our problems. Write a list of your problems n make some sort of action plan. For instance I owe **** to the bank. step 1 could be "talk to bank about a way of paying it back" date n then tick it off when done. Of course that's just a suggestion it's really up to you.

Now some love
((((Floatingaround)))) please stop being hatd on yourself. Try writing down your good qualities n post them here :) xxxx
 
Love and appreciate everyone on this site.

I could use some love myself. Consistently relapse every time I try to get clean, even when things are going well. Addiction is such a tricky beast. Thinking about getting on suboxone maintenance. Unfortunately I think it's my last resort. It's time for me to get on with my life I'm utterly sick of going in and out of rehab and just wasting years of my life caught up in this cycle. I know it will suck when the time comes to get off the subs but at least if I get on them I can get on with my life and finish school and hold a job and actually find a career instead of wasting so much money on rehab and sober living when honestly I'm just not ready to be fully clean yet. I'm only 24 years old and I yearn to be successful and I feel like sub maintenance is my only chance right now. At least I can function without worrying about being sick and all that. Sorry for rambling just going through a lot right now. My stepdad just took his own life and my mom is a complete mess and her finding out about my relapse just kills her. Sometimes I just don't know what to do.
 
Fiction_ said:
Love and appreciate everyone on this site.

I could use some love myself. Consistently relapse every time I try to get clean, even when things are going well. Addiction is such a tricky beast. Thinking about getting on suboxone maintenance. Unfortunately I think it's my last resort. It's time for me to get on with my life I'm utterly sick of going in and out of rehab and just wasting years of my life caught up in this cycle. I know it will suck when the time comes to get off the subs but at least if I get on them I can get on with my life and finish school and hold a job and actually find a career instead of wasting so much money on rehab and sober living when honestly I'm just not ready to be fully clean yet. I'm only 24 years old and I yearn to be successful and I feel like sub maintenance is my only chance right now. At least I can function without worrying about being sick and all that. Sorry for rambling just going through a lot right now. My stepdad just took his own life and my mom is a complete mess and her finding out about my relapse just kills her. Sometimes I just don't know what to do.
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Sub maintenance is a good idea. If you want to talk with otber people re suboxone there is a suboxone megathread under the sub-forum, Other Drugs sending you some love xxxx
 
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