Coming home from the park festival yesterday, K suggested that her and M and I skip work on Monday and share the two tabs of acid and the 2-cb that we had been meaning to take for ages but just hadn't gotten around to.
So, on that whim, we did. It was a soft trip, but very deep, with the theme of 'letting go'. Many valuable insights. We had a balloon that night, a big helium psychedelic flower called Nelly. I had bought her at a festival and she had trailed after me the whole night, tied to my bracelet. She became such a big part of our trip for that one night that she felt like a real, physical presence. Sitting in the middle of a football field at 4 AM when the sun was just coming up, we decided to let Nelly go, a one last dignified flight of freedom instead of letting her slowly deflate. We didn't want to, because she was such an important presence, and we knew we'd miss her. But we also knew we had to let her go. And so we did, and she went up, up, up, with the wind, dancing away from us, and it was so heartbreaking and so beautiful at the same time.
It's so difficult to let go.
Although the night was beautiful, the whole of today I've had this deep feeling of loneliness in me. I know it's important to just sit with the discomfort, and listen to it without judging or regretting it. And that this also, is just a stage and will pass. A healing crisis, maybe - I'm going through a lot of things in my head, these days, you could say the past year has been one series of healing crises after another. Healing, growing, yes. But towards what? I still long to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
I should get some sleep. Thank fuck I'm only working 6 hours tomorrow.
So, on that whim, we did. It was a soft trip, but very deep, with the theme of 'letting go'. Many valuable insights. We had a balloon that night, a big helium psychedelic flower called Nelly. I had bought her at a festival and she had trailed after me the whole night, tied to my bracelet. She became such a big part of our trip for that one night that she felt like a real, physical presence. Sitting in the middle of a football field at 4 AM when the sun was just coming up, we decided to let Nelly go, a one last dignified flight of freedom instead of letting her slowly deflate. We didn't want to, because she was such an important presence, and we knew we'd miss her. But we also knew we had to let her go. And so we did, and she went up, up, up, with the wind, dancing away from us, and it was so heartbreaking and so beautiful at the same time.
It's so difficult to let go.
Although the night was beautiful, the whole of today I've had this deep feeling of loneliness in me. I know it's important to just sit with the discomfort, and listen to it without judging or regretting it. And that this also, is just a stage and will pass. A healing crisis, maybe - I'm going through a lot of things in my head, these days, you could say the past year has been one series of healing crises after another. Healing, growing, yes. But towards what? I still long to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
I should get some sleep. Thank fuck I'm only working 6 hours tomorrow.
