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TDS Possibly raped n scared

BabyGurl3171

BabyGurl3171

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Joined
May 25, 2010
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1,616
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In my mind. The choices are many, the consequences
I was gonna post anon but eff it. I really need advice/help. And please don't say we told u to leave him. I kno...

Last night and today I relapsed hard. About 4-5 drugs n alcohol. Plus my normal night meds (risperidone, trazodone & kpins). So needless to say I was blackin out, comin in n out while layin in bed.

So, bf (the most likely abusive one) forced me into sex. But here's where I feel fucked up. Durin consciousness I tried pushin him off me n kept saying no, stop, don't, etc. He kept havin sex to me. 3 times last night, 1 today. He literally carried me to bedroom today.

Ok, so sounds like an easy answer: rape. BUT, I was wasted so I couldn't really comprehend n after 20 mins or so I was into it n lettin him do it. I feel so fucked up bc I feel violated but at the same time I ended up cummin (sry) n goin along with it.

Is this rape? Run now? Or am I just an idiot bc of the drugs n me enjoying it so I'm takin it as rape n guilt?

What would YOU do in this situation that u basically put urself in to?

Feelin guilty n dirty =(

Too be 100% I would prob fuck him normally. Maybe. I don't kno bc it's a bf, someone I would do normally.

Please help!
 
Oh my god, bless you sweetie. As a man, I can't even begin to relate to how you are feeling right now so I wont even try to. But this wasn't nice to read and I found it really quite upsetting.

Before I advise anything to you, can you tell me in what part of the world this happened? I'm guessing either USA or UK but I can't seem to find it on your profile and I don't want to give you incorrect advice?
 
I'm sorry to hear this BabyGurl

You said no, and you were in a blackout condition, it's rape.

In any allegation of rape, the absence of consent to sexual intercourse on the part of the victim is critical.[4] Consent need not be expressed, and may be implied from the context and from the relationship of the parties, but the absence of objection does not of itself constitute consent.
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If I were you, I'd kick him out and go get a TRO at this point.
 
Any guy who would take advantage of you while black out high is a dirtbag.
I have no idea about the guys level of sobriety. He sounds relatively sober to be able to fuck 4 times, but unless you were both blackout drugged, he's a creep.

Find someone else who is not a creep. In the future do not get blackout high with men. Sorry this happened to you, you have nothing to feel guilty about. Good luck.
 
How long have you guys been together? Did he know that you were fucked up on drugs?

Any guy who takes advantage of someone who is clearly high and saying no, is fucked up. Dump him and don't look back.
 
@Rybee - I'm in the US. But I'm scared to report him...

@Black Rabbit - cops won't make him leave bc he established residency (I tried). I even told them he said I'm the reason women deserve to be beat n fear put in them.

@Corazan - He smoked one blunt. He was fully aware. I, unfortunately, was beyond fucked up. That's why I feel it was partially my fault...

@Pretty Diamonds - he knew I was gone n he wasn't. We been together like 10-11 mons. He also says I'm his whore, I have to obey him n now in 104 degree f weather I can't wear shorts. I'm his property. I don't kno how to safely get away.

He has stalked me too.
 
BabyGurl3171 said:
@Black Rabbit - cops won't make him leave bc he established residency (I tried). I even told them he said I'm the reason women deserve to be beat n fear put in them.
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I know they can't make him leave, but if you have kicked him out and then taken out a TRO he is not allowed within a specified distance of you or your kids at any point, or he will be arrested.

By him establishing residency, do you mean his name is on the lease? If so go stay with family again if you can. You need to get away from him, for your own sake.

A person is not property.
 
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BabyGurl3171 said:
@Rybee - I'm in the US. But I'm scared to report him...

@Black Rabbit - cops won't make him leave bc he established residency (I tried). I even told them he said I'm the reason women deserve to be beat n fear put in them.

@Corazan - He smoked one blunt. He was fully aware. I, unfortunately, was beyond fucked up. That's why I feel it was partially my fault...

@Pretty Diamonds - he knew I was gone n he wasn't. We been together like 10-11 mons. He also says I'm his whore, I have to obey him n now in 104 degree f weather I can't wear shorts. I'm his property. I don't kno how to safely get away.

He has stalked me too.
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Do you work? Have financial support to be able to leave since your'e obviously not happy with him?
 
I'm sorry you're in an abusive relationship.
do not feel guilty.yeah,it shouldn't have come to this,but you are the victim here.
it's not too late.run if you have to.hide in a shelter.anything is better than rape and abuse.
you do not have to tolerate this.
 
I agree with everyone else wholeheartedly. Yes, husbands can rape wives and boyfriends can rape girlfriends. Even if you said yes the fact that youre in a blackout I believe it doesnt count as consent. (someone correct me if im wrong)

Point being, this guy does not care about you. Obsession is not love. Please get yourself out of this situation asap, you deserve so much more. Love shouldnt hurt. Even if you have to go to a shelter, get out. When you have a bit of distance hopefully you can see this more for what it is; abuse.

Please dont beat yourself up for "enjoying" it. Your body was just reacting in a normal way even if your mind wasnt sure about what was going on. You said no, he should have respected that and honestly even if you said yes a good man likely would have seen that you were in no condition to consent.

You deserve happiness. Please reach out and get yourself away from this toxic man.
 
That's a terrible thing to do to a person, he looks at you like a piece of property and nothing else. He controls what clothes you get to wear? I can see this getting progressively worse and before you know it, he will start beating you if he hasn't already. How long has he been living with you? He seems to know his way around the system. Established residency or not, there has got to be a way to throw him out though it may take some time. This can turn ugly real fast even worse than forcing sex with you.

Is this the man who was stalking you some months ago and lived like a block away so he could keep an eye on you? Or is this someone else? I remember you saying that your landlord was helping you by changing the locks. Perhaps they can assist in some way, don't be afraid to ask for help even if you feel too embarrassed to do so. What about parents or friends? I mean it's your place and you shouldn't have to leave but I fear for your safety and also that of your children. Is their father still in the picture and can he help you at all?

See this is how abusers keep you under their control: limiting your communications with friends and family, not allowing you to go out, or in your case you can't wear clothes unless he approves. I know you're taking a few meds and getting high and this is another way for him to control you. While you're fucked up, you're not really thinking straight. It's as if he's counting on this because if you were in a better frame of mind, this shit might not happen. This man could end up killing you, and I'm not trying to scare you. Please get away from this guy.
 
babygurl, call a women's shelter. If you can't get him out then you need to get out. Just getting away without getting help and support is not going to work, though. That's why I think you should contact women's protective services--they will be able to help you with the whole situation--from the psychological to the practical.T. Calderone is not exaggerating--it happens every single day. Please get yourself out of this man's control. Each act of submission (like letting him dictate your clothes, accepting his horrible words about you and feeling helpless to leave) further erodes your confidence and sense of self and makes it a piece of cake for him to victimize you. You deserve a warrior on your side and you have to be that warrior. You deserve to be treated with respect--we all do.
 
^ what herbavore said. you need to get away from him and get support aswel. This will not end well if you stay and if you stay it may become the norm for him to do these things and think he can get away with it. Im sorry to hear your story its really sad and hope you come out on top in this situation because you deserve it.
 
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Ty for the help.

This morning it escalated. I woke up n went to get out of bed n he wouldn't let me leave the bed. Even when I said I was bout to pee myself he held my arms n drug me to pee, wouldn't leave & drug me bk to bedroom n threw me on bed. He got on top of me screaming slut, bitch, then he smacked me =(

Cops came n arrested both us bc I fought bk so it was "mutual combat". I dropped charges on him to save my ass. I have no one for my kids...

My fight back was a push to get him off me while I had a free chance bc he was smacking me instead of holding me down.

I called an old friend, who works at a dv "hide out" where I use to live, for help. I should've left. =( I AM lookin for a hide away, if u will.

In the meantime an ex, who has now been a friend for 5 yrs, is stayin with me n helping me get a house away from this guy. Tryin a few options.
 
Im so sorry you had to go through that. If you stay it will only continue to escalate and get worse. He could very possibly kill you. Please for your own sake and your childrens, stay strong and do not listen to him saying hell change etc etc he will say anything to get you back. As I said before obsession is not love. You are a wonderful unique person, not anyones property. Please keep us posted, ill be thinking of you.
 
OP, if you stick with him or abusive men, this is your future.

I've tried having sex with my girl when she was drunk. She usually goes along but once she told me no, and cried. That was a total turn off for me because she didn't want to and I like her enough to stop. If dude is raping you, you'd better gtfo, he doesn't love or care for you.

Boys and girls are just as good as the person they're with. You must have terrible self esteem to let someone do that to you. Please get help, and if you don't gtfo, something bad or many bad things will happen.
 
Hey, I just read this thread for the first time, and it really broke my heart :( hope you have been able to break away from him and are doing better. Keep us posted if u see this... there are lots of people on here who truly care about you!
 
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