Mental Health Possibly misdiagnosed ADHD, deep depression and mania for years

[adhdanon]

Back in 2011, I was diagnosed ADHD and prescribed Adderall IR 20 mg and Adderall XR 20 mg and at the time it worked great starting off law school. Over the course of time, the physical effects started to show on me and mental as well. Isolation became a way of life and fell into toxic situation and couldn't sit still in class without insane anxiety.

Finally, lexapro 10 mg did the trick and I no longer cared about what people thought of me anymore. I was able to go outside or anywhere without caring about opinions or being chased by this never-ending anxiety/hopelessness. Oddly, my sex drive increased and instead of focusing on studying, I just had more sex with my gf and used my scholarship money to hang out with her and have sex hit the gym my third year. I felt better, I was looking better, but I wasn't as focused on my money or career nor did I care as much (which was cool, less emotions definitely has better impact with the ladies).

However, I failed the bar exam in Feb. on Lexapro 10 mg and Adderall XR 25 mg and now retaking in a month. I've tried to come off Lexapro and use klonopin instead and motivation/emotions definitely came back, but anxiety came back as well and although I felt focused on my school work again, I didn't have the confidence or self-esteem I had while I was on the Lexapro (mania or not). So now starting it back up and done with klonopin, but I cant get myself motivated anymore on the Lex and Adderall XR 30 mg isn't motivating me either. I notice the Adderall IR has more of an impact on me for focus for some reason and have no idea why, but considering sticking with IR rest of the month even though gf claims I'm weirder than ever on that combo.

Some friends think I'm gay in denial, which I'd have no problem admitting if I was attracted to guys but I only love women, others think I'm just addicted to stimulants because of a toxic situation at home, and I think I may be battling Bipolar instead of ADHD. If anyone can recommend something else for this anxiety maybe another SSRI/SNRI or clondine, guanafacine, gabatentine, memantine, etc. I got the bar exam in a month and 8 days and back on Lexapro feels good internally, but externally lacking the motivation again. Thanks!

 

[herbavore]

One question that comes up for me immediately is whether or not you truly want to practice law? Maybe your lack of motivation could come from that? Just a thought and I could be way off base.

Sexuality is complex and the best way to deal with it is to be aware of how you are engaging it at any given time. My feeling is that most of the labels just box people in. It's far more constructive to know yourself and your relationship to sex. Just like with drugs, there is a balance point. Do you use it like a drug to run away from other things in life? Even if the answer is yes, it may not be a problem if you do that every now and again but is a problem if it is having a negative effect on your life (which it sounds like it was if passing the bar was truly a goal).

You would be helped by talking to a qualified professional to determine whether or not you are bipolar. If you are perhaps it is not necessary to medicate or perhaps it is--that would depend on the severity. My advice is to think honestly about your life--will you be happy practicing law? Get a good check-up and diagnosis but don't forget that the bottom line of any mental illness or imbalance of the psyche calls for strategies and adaptations. Looking for the magic bullet drug can sometimes blind you to those first steps.