Possibly mental ilness after abusing MDMA for the past 8 months

[spliffstep]

Hey guys,im new to this forum and i'd like to share with you my experience with MDMA.My english is not that good but I'll try my best to be understandable to you.
My first experience with mdma was about 2 years ago when I dropped for the first time e at a festival.I had an amazing time but that didn't make to do it frequently.The second time was about 2 months after my first experience at another festival where I had one of the best roll of my life.I was aware of the risks of mdma usage so for about 1 year i stopped to use it.The next time was on 1st of may 2014 when I was offered some mdma crystal.I was skeptical but I've done a line in the end.I remmember my nose burned as hell but despite it I had another incredible roll.After that experience I took a break untill on the end of September I guess where my abuse began.I've been to a big party along with my friends where we all got some strong pills.After that pill I could say I was more tripping than rolling,crazy hallucinations like I never expected,an overwhelming euphoria,my face was looking like a mess.I had a great time but this time was different,more intense.So after this party I started to do it almost every weekend.After a while I was introduced to underground house parties where I used to go to almost every weekend.Overtime I made new friends at this kind of raves,a typical weekend for me was doing drugs(ive done crazy drug mixes,the dumbest one was ketamine,half a bottle of dob,a few lines of speed,almost half a gram of mdma and pot)from friday/saturday night untill sunday night/monday morning.To be more specific this kind of raves i used to go to could last even 3 days continously.Everyone does drugs at this raves so it's kinda hard to stay away.I mentained this kind of lifestyle for short while ago when I started feel really messed up.I noticed that half a gram of mdma barely affects me but instead i got worse comedowns.I started to have sleep paralysis almost every night,I can't describe this feeling but it's like constant feeling of depression,I got very paranoid even when I'm sober.Overall I fell very mentally affected from this abuse.Last party I've been to was 3 weeks ago and after it I got the worst comedown I ever had.That made me took this break and share my experience with you.I know was very dumb and I kinda deserve it but I learned my lesson and I won't do this mistake again.After 3 weeks of sorbiety I'm sill feeling anxious,paranoid,sleep deprived,in other words I'm feeling really bad.I know it's gonna take a long time to recover myself so I started doing exercices,eating healthy,taking supliments such as 5htp,I've read they work.I hope you guys learned somerhing from my experience so take care and do drugs rationally.

 

[herbavore]

It sounds like you have survived and learned something so that is good. I think if you take care of your body and mind that everything will recover just fine with time. The rave and festival scene is quite intense and thus satisfies our need for such intensity of emotion and human connection. Look for other ways to include this intensity of experience in your life so that this is not the only avenue. Also, try going sober to one of those events--you might be surprised at the high from the group energy. I stopped doing drugs before most of my friends did and I was surprised that what I thought could only be enjoyed fully while high simply did not prove to be true.

 

[spliffstep]

Yes,you're very right.You don't need drugs to enjoy the atmosphere of these parties if you really like the scene.Just that I was easily influenced and hooked by this lifestyle.Now I'm trying to stay away from them and focus more on my job and university because I haven't paid that much attention to them lately.I hope that I'll get in shape soon.I'm done with any type of drug for a long period of time or never.